Mark of Fridays: Shark attack!

Lynne and Aunt Laura took Mark the Shedd Aquarium, where he narrowly avoided a SHARK ATTACK!!

Mark of Fridays: Right sport, wrong team

Giants offensive coordinator Mark H studies his playbook before calling his signature play: the 80-yard touchdown pass. Because he's 1 years old, Mark is unaware that the Giants stopped playing three weeks ago.

Mark doesn't have any Bears or Packers gear. So on Sunday, he'll just be rooting for football in general.

Mark of Fridays: Christmas, continued

Mark of Fridays: Where is Mark??

Despite being a very smart little guy, Mark has not quite mastered the "hide" part of Hide-and-Seek.

Baseball in December?!?

Well, with Bert Blyleven's election Wednesday to the Hall of Fame, Matt will have to go get his cards out of the commons bin. Apparently, he's a Hall of Famer, like Walter Johnson and Willie McCovey. Ahem.
Below is Matt's annual Hall of Fame votes, written before the results were announced.

It's time for Matt to turn in his 2011 Hall of Fame ballot. Turn it in to who? Well, to you, our faithful reader(s).
Yes, Matt once again feels compelled to spend his time dissecting the careers of men he's never met for the pleasure of no one besides himself, apparently. But, you know, it's funner than shoveling.
Here's Matt votes from two years ago. And here's last year's Matt ballot.
As you will notice, Matt is a notoriously tough grader. That's because he's been to the Hall. He's seen how small the room with the plaques is. It makes you want to keep to an elite few - the true greats.
However, Matt waivers from year to year as he continues to gather more information, cull different perspectives and radically change his mind. But this year, Matt will try to be a bit more analytical and bit less "this guy didn't write back to me when I was twelve."
To start, here are Matt's revised but not necessarily refined Hall of Fame criteria:
ONE, a player should have a decade of excellence. That means they should be among the best players in the game for a period of at least 10 years. During that time they should be among the two or three best players at their position.* **
*Exemptions for pitchers, because there are more of them.
** Exceptions can be made for particularly deep eras at certain positions, henceforth known as the Willie-Mickey-And-The-Duke Exception. ***
***Inversly, not every era has to have a Hall of Famer from every position. Certain eras had five great shortstops. Other eras had a lot of pretty good shortstops. Hence, the Alan Trammell Corollary.
TWO, the player should have some semblance of an all-around game. Hitters should be able to hit for power and average, run, throw and field. Pitchers should be durable, able to strike people out, flexible and able to field their position.*
*Of course, dominance in one area can lead to forgiveness in other areas. Henceforth known as the Harmon-Killebrew-Was-Slow Exception.
THREE, MVP awards, Cy Youngs, All-Star selections matter. They are not the be-all, end-all. But they are a reflection of how the player was viewed by his peers and the writers at the time they played, not through the prism of revisionist history and isn't he a nice guy. Henceforth, the Bert Blyleven Rule. (More later.)
FOUR, excellence in the post season counts. Clutch counts. Why shouldn't it? The World Series is the pinnacle of achievement so why not reward those that excelled there? It's not fair to keep out Ernie Banks because the Cubs are a hopeless franchise, but there's no reason to ignore what a borderline player did in the postseason. It's fair to consider whether any of the home runs, wins or saves the player earned mattered, even in the regular season. The Lee Smith Rule is instituted.
FIVE: No magic numbers. 500 homers is not a free pass. 300 wins is not automatic entry. They're great accomplishments that should be viewed in context of the era that they were achieved in. Mel Ott hit 511 homers, which, when he retired, was the most ever in the National League. It was an astounding accomplishment. Gary Sheffield hit 509 homers at a time when the home run was inflated and a half dozen guys passed the half-century mark. Not as impressive. Numbers are good things to consider, but they shouldn't be worshipped. They can be parsed in so many ways. Fred McGriff had more homers than Stan Musial. So, who would you vote for?
SIX, admitted steroid players should be held to a higher standard. It's impossible to keep them all out. Ridiculous to think someone won't get in - or hasn't already gotten in. So, if that's the case, why not just hold the cheaters to a higher standard? Barry Bonds was a hall of famer before he bulked up. Gary Sheffield wasn't.
SEVEN: Finding one hall of famer with worse statistics - or a worse statistic - doesn't mean Candidate X should be in. Sandy Koufax didn't get a ton of wins, but he should be in the Hall of Fame. Maybe some other guys shouldn't be. Mistakes of the past need not be compounded. Known as the Rick Ferrell Guideline, or the Sutton-Mazeroski-Hack Wilson False Equivalency Test.
EIGHT, and the least reliable. This one may actually have to be eliminated because it's so hard to defend. But there is a Smell Test to the Hall of Fame. Mickey Mantle was a hall of famer. Randy Johnson, Cal Ripken, Alber Pujols, Ichiro feel like hall of famers. They made/make you stop in your tracks when they take the mound or come to the plate. Anything is possible. Mark Teixeira doesn't have it. Mike Mussina didn't. Lee Smith not so much. It's so weak and subjective that Matt hates himself for writing it. Yet, it survives.

With that embedded in your memory banks, consider who Matt'd vote for and let him know how he got it wrong. (* indicates new to the ballot)

The No Way These Guys Should Get Even One Vote:
Bret Boone*, Kevin Brown*, Marquis Grissom*, Carlos Baerga*, Charles Johnson*, Lenny Harris*, Bobby Higginson*, Al Leiter* Kirk Rueter*, Benito Santiago*, B.J. Surhoff*, Tino Martinez*.
Probably all great guys who loved their mothers, but not one deserves to eat a Baby Ruth, much less have a plaque in the same room as Babe Ruth. Higginson and Rueter apparently played for more than a decade, completely undetected by fans.

Really Nice Careers, But Simply Not Hall of Famers
Juan Gonzalez: Two MVPs should really merit him more consideration. For a very brief time, he was great. But there's some obvious steroid questions here and he wasn't good for very long. And he couldn't run or field a lick.
John Olerud: Olerud was an excellent fielder and fantastic contact hitter. And he rode public transportation to work, which is good for the environment. But he was never great.
Harold Baines: Great? Not really. A lot like Olerud, but couldn't field.
John Franco: Another former Met and good guy. He amassed a lot of saves. Not a hall of famer.

They were very good players and you might have liked to have them on your team but they aren't Hall of Famers:
Barry Larkin: See the Alan Trammell Corollary for the 1995 MVP. A 12-time All-Star, although his last appearance was literally a mercy pick. .295 lifetime average, 198 homers and 379 steals. He does not compare to other great shortstops, even those that played in the same era. This is not the Hall of Very Good.
Alan Trammell: Well, the AT Corallary isn't named after him for nothing. Yep, he was probably the best shortstop of his era. He made the all-star team a lot. Somebody had to.
Edgar Martinez: 300 homers, .312 average, two batting titles, twice in the top 10 for MVP. Couldn't field, couldn't run, couldn't throw. Again, nowhere close to as good as Will Clark, who couldn't even get 5 percent to stay on the ballot.
Don Mattingly: Last year, Matt said Donny Ballgame would be the next Dodgers manager. Just wanted to point out how smart Matt is. So, he must be right when he say Mattingly was excellent, but not for long enough.
Lee Smith: See the Lee Smith Rule. What's the big save you remember Lee Smith getting? When did he carry his team for a season or even into a pennant run? What's your Lee Smith memory?
Fred McGriff: He's listed after Lee Smith for a reason. Was Fred McGriff ever a dominant player? Or was he occasionally a pretty good player? A nice piece on your team, but never the centerpiece.
Dave Parker: Some spectacular years. A lot of below average ones.
Tim Raines: Somehow, Raines seems less than the sum of his statistics. However, Matt vows to take a closer look at this case in the off season. Matt realizes now that in the past he has fallen into the standard media trap of overlooking people who played for the Expos, Astros, Royals, etc. It's wrong. Rock could run, although not much after 30. He didn't hit for power, was only in the MVP talk once and never won a Gold Glove. Oh forget it...Matt knows that Raines isn't a Hall of Famer. No off season studies required.
Larry Walker.* See the Lee Smith rule. And consider the Colorado factor. He was an excellent player for a while, someone you stopped to watch. But his career totals aren't overwhelming (383 homers, .313 average) and he didn't dazzle (or fizzle) in the postseason to give him that edge. He really wasn't a much better player than Darryl Strawberry who, again, nobody's making a case for. He was half as dominant as Albert Belle, who fell off the ballot.

Almost but not quite:
Dale Murphy: For a while, he did it all: Hit for power. Won Gold Gloves as a converted catcher. Two MVPs to show for it. But then, at 32 years old, he was done. Without any postseason, there's just not enough there.
Bert Blyleven: Matt has to be careful here. There's this odd groundswell of support to get Blyleven into the Hall, as if he was Tom Seaver. People who support him take it personally when you don't vote for him. Why do you want to keep Bert out?, they shout. But where were these people when he was playing? He never won a Cy Young - never finished in the top two. He made three all star games in 22 seasons. Back then, he wasn't considered dominant. Statistically, he never lead the league in wins or ERA. He won 20 once, 19 once. He led the league in strikeouts once. He was incredibly durable. And he's a fantastically funny, insightful and engaging broadcaster, which might have something to do with why he's sudden a hall of fame player. Maybe it should be called the Ron Santo Trap. A lovable broadcaster who retroactively becomes a legendary player.
Mark McGwire: This is where Matt flip flops most often. But, when measured against his era and what he has admitted to doing, Matt doesn't think McGwire's credentials stand up. After you deflate the home run numbers, you're left with a guy who couldn't run, field or hit for average. Disappeared in the postseason. But, undoubtedly, he was a brilliant power hitter and someone you stopped to watch hit. A borderline, hesitant, no.
Rafael Palmeiro* Ah, Matt's been waiting for Palmeiro to come up. Matt does not like Raffy. Nothing personal. He was a really good player who could hit for power and average. But he was vastly, vastly overrated. He got all the magic numbers but never made any of them magic. He had the perfect swing, but never got the crucial hit. Admit it, he never captured your imagination. He was hardly ever the best player on his team and he wasn't batting behind Lou Gehrig. He was dwarfed by Rusty Greer. Even with the steroids confirmation, Raffy was never a Hall of Famer.
Jeff Bagwell* Another gut check. It's tempting to blow off Bagwell because he played for the Astros. His excellence was relatively brief, but it was great while it lasted. He won an MVP and could run for a while. He never did much in the postseason. He is a player that merits further study. For now, no.

Yes, they should be in, but it's not a walk off:
Roberto Alomar.* Matt does not like Roberto Alomar. He's a jerk who did bad things and dropped off dramatically, fast. But, for 10 years Alomar could do it all at second base: field beautifully (10 Gold Gloves), steal bases and hit for average as well as power. Plus, he came up big when it counted. A hesitant yes, worthy of further study.
Jack Morris: Morris has an ugly ERA (3.90), 254 wins and 2,400+ strike outs. And he was a workhorse and straight money in the big games. He goes in on postseason excellence.

Absolutely, no doubt:
Nobody

To see all the players stats, go here.
For more interesting reads, check out Joe Posnanski's choices, even though some of his selections are quite clearly insane.

Upcoming ballots
2012: Jeromy Burnitz and Bernie Williams.
2013: Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Craig Biggio, Curt Schilling, Sammy Sosa, Mike Piazza, Kenny Lofton.
2014: Tom Glavine, Jeff Kent, Greg Maddux, Mike Mussina, Frank Thomas
2015: Randy Johnson, John Smoltz, Pedro Martinez, Carlos Delgado, Nomar Garciaparra, Joe Crede

Mark of Fridays: Christmas passed

We fell a bit behind on the holiday season, but perhaps we will make it up to you - our dear readers - with a bonanza of information, theories and miscellany. Or perhaps we will get swamped with 2011 Things To Do.

Although this was technically Mark's second Christmas, it felt like his first. Last year, he was a drooling bundle of arms and legs in a car seat. This year, he showed a minor amount of interest in tearing the paper off his gifts. He didn't have the attention span to get through everyone's generosity but he seemed to enjoy the festivities.

While you might expect a child to tear open his presents wildly, Mark ripped the paper delicately, like he was peeling the shell off an egg. Even on the biggest boxes, he would take a sliver in two fingers and lightly tug at it until a quarter-inch of paper came off. Hence the delay in posting. He was opening presents for two weeks.

Anyhow, about the picture. Matt - known locally as Mr. Christmas Cheer - decided it would fun to bring Mark to see the mall Santa.

An earlier attempt by Grandma Hanley had ended in failure. Mark wanted no part of this strange, bearded man. Wouldn't go near him.

Still, Matt thought it would be nice to get the traditional Christmas snapshot. You only get one chance for a 1-year-old picture with The Big Guy. Besides, if Mark screamed that would only mean more high school blackmail photos.

Lynne, a Christmas scrooge, thought the plan was generally bonkers. There would be lines; Mark wouldn't go for it; there would be lines; it was kind of weird. And she was right about the weird: there was an unnerving amount of college aged girls who were waiting in line in coordinated outfits. But the line moved fast.

And, the end result was that Mark - as usual - was a prefect gentleman. He didn't cry. He didn't squirm. He didn't try to run away. He sat still in this strange man's lap while a woman jingled bells and said "Hellllloooo, little man. Hellooooo."

You can almost see him looking at his father, thinking: This man has gotten me into another fine mess. I'm adding this to the nursing home file.

Mark of Fridays: Hurry Christmas, hurry fast

Hello? Is Santa here yet? Hello? Anyone?

Mom?

Dad?

Rudolph?