Name that Baby!

Sure, they've thought about baby names.
They've tossed around a few ideas, spitballed a few notions, gone over a few things.
They've had some planning sessions, a couple brainstorming get-togethers, a few meetings of the minds.
They've chatted, had a word, spoken, talked, and conversed about a name, a moniker, a calling card, a label for The Baby. (They can't call it Squirt forever.)
Considering Lynne and Matt aren't going to find out the baby's gender, they have to be ready for all possibilities.
Here's what Lynne and Matt have come up with so far:

Potential girl's names: Ann Leigh, Hannah, Hortense, Mookie, Gometstina, Muhammad
Potential boy's names: Stanley, Mookie, Pee Wee, Duke, Campy, Alex

Please vote in our poll on the left. The winning name will almost certainly be chosen!

True veteran ballplayers

By Matt

As a little tribute to Memorial Day, I completely wasted...er... spent part of my recent free time on a project I've been pondering for years. Often, I hear how great soandso modern baseball player is: “He just passed Bob Feller’s win total!” "He’s got more homers than Ted Williams!”
Well, what rankles me is that we’re quick to forget that more than a few players walked away from the game to serve their country. While injuries are part of the game, leaving the major leagues to fight overseas is something few modern players can imagine. Although we can never get those years back, we can still speculate what their totals might have been if they hadn’t picked up Uncle Sam’s phone call (or, in Teddy Ballgame’s case, made a second call).
So, I played around with some algebra (admittedly a little rusty) - and tried to be conservative - to estimate what these great players totals could have been.

The basic theory was to use the two years before the player left for the service and the two years after he returned to project what the missing years might have looked like, at least for home runs and wins. (Next year, maybe I’ll try hits.) I also used a little math trickery to account for trends.
I didn’t think it was fair to pretend a guy who missed a year at the tail end of his career would perform at the same levels he did during his peak. For instance, let’s look at Warren Spahn. Spahn missed parts of three and a half seasons while serving in World War II.
Now, over his whole career, Spahn averaged 17 wins a season. But it’s not quite fair to just plug in another 51 wins for Spahn since, when he left for the service, he had zero career victories. He was a rookie. The season he returned, he won eight games. Even Spahn noted that he wasn’t the same before and after the service.
“People say that my absence from the big leagues may have cost me a chance to win 400 games,” Spahn said, according to Baseball Historian. “But I don't know about that. I matured a lot in three years, and I think I was better equipped to handle major league hitters at 25 than I was at 22. Also, I pitched until I was 44. Maybe I wouldn't have been able to do that otherwise.”

So, using baseballreference’s unbelievable statistical database, I tried to factor in that Spahn was not yet at his peak during his service. Using the one year before he left and the three years after he returned he averaged 11 wins, about 64 percent of his career average. So, I figured at the time he left, Spahn was about 64 percent of the pitcher he was over his whole career. I took 64 percent of 11 wins, which came out to seven wins. Over three and a half seasons, Spahn could have added, rounding down, 24 wins to his career total. Even that moderate increase would have moved him past Christy Mathewson and Grover Cleveland Alexander. Except that Alexander also missed time for World War I…
(A note for nerds: I fudged the numbers a bit more for players who were well over their career numbers. By saying that Alexander was 1.3 times his career average, the numbers got out of whack. I simply filled in the missing numbers to keep things conservative.)

For home run hitters, I did a similar thing, except I took the home run rate (home runs per at bat) from the two seasons before and after they left for the service, then applied that to a whole season. For instance, Willie Mays played just 34 games in 1952, then missed all of 1953 while he was serving in the Korean War. In the two years before he left for the service, he homered every 24.6 at bats. In the two years after he returned, he homered every 12.4 at bats. So his phantom home run rate would be one homer for every 18.5 at bats, 89 percent of his career total. So, if Mays had gotten a full 560 at bats in those two seasons (a conservative estimate), he would have hit 53 more home runs. Enough to put him one behind Ruth before Aaron got there. Interesting, right?

Even keeping the totals conservative, a few people would have made significant jumps on the career list and at least one person would have been added to both the 300-win and 600-home-run clubs.
Obviously, none of this is real. But on Memorial Day, Matt figured why not thank the players who stepped away from the game by putting a little perspective on their sacrifice.
Spahn said, it best: “After what I went through overseas, I never thought of anything I was told to do in baseball as hard work. You get over feeling like that when you spend days on end sleeping in frozen tank tracks in enemy threatened territory. The Army taught me something about challenges and about what's important and what isn't. Everything I tackle in baseball and in life I take as a challenge rather than work.”

CURRENT CAREER HOME RUN LEADERS
Barry Bonds 762
Hank Aaron 755
Babe Ruth 714
* Willie Mays 660
Missed 1953 and all but 34 games in 1952 for Korean War
Ken Griffey Jr 613
Sammy Sosa 609
Frank Robinson 586
Mark McGwire 583
Harmon Killebrew 573
Rafael Palmeiro 569
Reggie Jackson 563
Alex Rodriguez 553
Mike Schmidt 548
Jim Thome 545
Mickey Mantle 536
Jimmy Foxx 534
Manny Ramirez 533
* Ted Williams 521
Missed 1943, 1944 and 1945 for World War II
Missed all but 43 games in 1952 and 1953 for Korean War
Frank Thomas 521
Willie McCovey 521
Ernie Banks 512
Eddie Mathews 512
Mel Ott 511
Eddie Murray 504
Gary Sheffield 500
Lou Gehrig 493
Fred McGriff 493
* Stan Musial 475
Missed 1945 for World War II

LEADERS ADJUSTED FOR SERVICE
Barry Bonds 762
Hank Aaron 755
Babe Ruth 714
Willie Mays 713
Ted Williams 651
Ken Griffey Jr 613
Sammy Sosa 609
Frank Robinson 586
Mark McGwire 583
Harmon Killebrew 573
Rafael Palmeiro 569
Reggie Jackson 563
Alex Rodriguez 553
Mike Schmidt 548
Jim Thome 545
Mickey Mantle 536
Jimmy Foxx 534
Manny Ramirez 533
Frank Thomas 521
Willie McCovey 521
Ernie Banks 512
Eddie Mathews 512
Mel Ott 511
Eddie Murray 504
Gary Sheffield 500
Lou Gehrig 493
Fred McGriff 493
Stan Musial 488
Willie Stargell 475

WIN LEADERS (modern era)
Walter Johnson 417
* Pete Alexander 373
Missed nearly all of 1918 and 1919 for World War I
Christy Mathewson 373
* Warren Spahn 363
Missed 1943, 1944, 1945 and half of 1946 for World War II
Greg Maddux 355
Roger Clemens 354
Steve Carlton 329
Eddie Plank 326
Nolan Ryan 324
Don Sutton 324
Phil Neikro 318
Gaylord Perry 314
Tom Seaver 311
Tom Glavine 305
Lefty Grove 300
Early Wynn 300

TOTALS ADJUSTED FOR SERVICE (modern era)
Walter Johnson 417
Pete Alexander 407
Warren Spahn 387
Christy Mathewson 373
Bob Feller 357
Greg Maddux 355
Roger Clemens 354
Steve Carlton 329
Eddie Plank 326
Nolan Ryan 324
Don Sutton 324
Phil Neikro 318
Gaylord Perry 314
Tom Seaver 311
Tom Glavine 305
Lefty Grove 300
Early Wynn 300

Other notables:
Red Ruffing from 273 wins to 293
Whitey Ford from 236 wins to 258

Note: Feller has 266 career wins, but missed nearly four full seasons at the peak of career.

There were countless other sacrifices by hundreds of lesser known players, including some who died in service. There’s no way to account for what was lost.

Book review - The Card: Collectors, Con Men and the True Story of History's Most Desired Baseball Card

(Just so you don't think Matt's uber ambitious, this review and the last one are for books he actually finished weeks ago. But now we should be all caught up.)

Book: The Card: Collectors, Con Men and the True Story of History's Most Desired Baseball Card by Michael O'keeffe and Teri Thompson

Like every other 12-year-old who ever bought 500 packs of utterly worthless baseball cards, Matt dreamed of somehow, some way getting his hands on the Holy Grail of baseball cards: the T206 Honus Wagner. It is the most valuable baseball card, not because it's the most rare (there's less than 100, but there are scarcer cards), or that it pictures the most famous player (Wagner was great, but the casual fan's probably never heard of him). It is the most valuable because it is the most desired. And why it's the most desired is at the center of The Card.

The best versions of the T206 Wagner - which is less than three inches tall - have sold for millions.
Now, if after reading that, you said: 'A million bucks for a piece of cardboard?', then this book is not for you.
But if, like me, you dreamed of finding the T206 Wagner stuck in a tin can that you dug up in the your garden, or tucked in a book you found at a flea market, The Card is a must read.

The Card is the best book ever written about collecting cards. It has neither blinders on, nor is it cynical. But it explains the phenomenom in a compelling narrative.

The story opens with super collector Bill Mastro in a Long Island collectibles store buying what will become the ultimate baseball card, The Gretzky T206 (so-called because it was once owned by hockey superstar Wayne Gretzky). The Gretzky T206 is considered the most valuable card in history because it is the best example (in other words, in the best condition) of the most desired card.

What Mastro does in that store is much debated in the hobby world and is the central mystery in this book. It's also quite literally the turning point for card collecting and the sports collectible industry. This single deal would usher in the era of big money collectibles, which of course attracted all sorts of people ready, willing and able to take advantage.

I've always wondered about these "authenticating" services that charge big bucks to "grade" a baseball card (tell you how good it is). I can see the appeal, but this book exposes some of my worst fears, such as when they sold two gloves as the glove that Al Gionfriddo used to make a great catch in the 1947 World Series.

The Card is a fast read, which I consider a high compliment. It's written in the style of great narrative journalism and has a perfect mix of research and intrigue. Collectors will not feel as though they're being dismissed. For people who don't collect, the fascination is probably in the way the book explains how artificial markets can be created and how demand can be summoned out of thin air.

Of course, at some level, we collectors know our hobby is literally a house of cards, propped up on speculation more than real value (ask the people who paid $200 for Mark Prior's signature). But The Card is not a slam on collecting. The authors consider the romance and the attraction to collecting by introducing readers to the characters within the hobby. But they don't swoon at the sight of a Mickey Mantle bat.

Just thinking about this book has made me want to take more look up in the attic. You never know where that T206 is hiding.

Good book for: Anyone who has ever collected baseball cards. Anyone who has bought a collectible on eBay. Anyone who ever paid more than $10 for one baseball card. (I have!)

Skip it: If you think the idea of collecting baseball cards is ludicrous...or you'd never pay $10 for a baseball card, you won't understand the premise of the book.

Anatomy of a bad beard

When Matt was a senior in high school there was this guy Dave who had a full-grown beard. Dave was a sophomore.
Matt never shaved once in high school and was frequently mistaken for a 10-year-old.
Since then, it has been Matt's dream to grow a real cool beard or, failing that, a hip mustache.
Recently, Matt made another attempt. Below is an analysis of that effort.

(And that Dave guy? Well, Matt later heard him saying that he would consider using steroids. So, clearly, that beard was not all natural.)

Subject:
Beard, grown for 13 days. Yes, 13 days. (Click on picture for larger view -- if you dare!)

Highlights:
A. This is an example of some the stray hairs identified by analysts. Researchers believe these hairs have ventured away from the chin, and may be heading for the eyebrows or top of head.
B. Thickest area of hair growth is just below the back of ears. Possible problem area in old age.
C. Scientists are baffled frequent and mysterious circles - as seen in example C - where there is no facial hair. The only possible cause is alien abduction.
D. Pimples grow better than the hair.
E. Samples in this area make up the most "impressive" area of socially accepted hair growth. Equivalent of balding hedgehog.
F. Stray neck hairs, which provide minimal amount of warmth, maximum amount of itchiness.

Analysis:
Fail.

Hey baby, wanna come hang at our crib?

This weekend's activity was to put together the crib. Lynne and Matt almost feel like real adults or something.
Lynne and Matt watched Baby Mama (very funny) and assembled this fine crib in under seven hours. What? You think that's slow? It's taking us nine months to assemble a baby!

Book review - Stealing Lincoln's Body

Here's book review number two. By the way, Matt is not counting this one toward his presidential biography series. I think you'll see why.

Book: Stealing Lincoln's Body by Thomas Craughwell, 210 pages

In 1876, an enterprising group of counterfeiters came up with an interesting plan: Why not steal the body of America's beloved president, hold it for ransom and use it to win the release of one of their buddies?
They almost pulled it off.
And their half-baked caper, kicked off a series of adventures for Lincoln's body that made this re-telling a fun, fast and fascinating read.
Growing up in Illinois, it's hard not to be captivated by Lincoln. Appropriately many of the Lincoln books cover different aspects of the same ground- his political acumen, his character, his presidency, his policies. Not this book. Stealing Lincoln's Body definitely creates it's own path.
There is nothing in the book about Lincoln's policies, accomplishments or thoughts (except about his wishes for burial). In fact, Lincoln the living man is not a character at all.
Instead, author Thomas Craughwell takes us on the strange and engaging journey of the president's corpse. It appears the turmoil that Lincoln experienced in life didn't end after he died.
The book opens across from Ford Theater in Lincoln's last moments. Although it's not as lively as other parts of the book, the prologue should give you a good feel for whether you're going to be interested in Stealing Lincoln's Body, as it goes into intricate detail about how the body was prepared for his funeral.
After that introduction, we're brought into the world of the counterfeiters who make an attempt to steal the body. Although that episode inspired the title, this caper only fills about the first quarter of the narrative. I think the book is at its best after the robbery, where the story of Lincoln's corpse is filled with great characters, wonderful anecdotes and genuine drama.
At the Lincoln Presidential Library in Springfield (highly recommended, by the way), they talk a lot about how Lincoln has become such an icon, it's hard to see the real man, who had weaknesses and strengths, virtues and faults. In that context, it's interesting that the body of this legend was treated so casually. It was almost stolen, practically abandoned, brazenly lied about, often argued over, frequently relocated, crudely hidden and repeatedly disturbed. Lincoln's corpse was treated more like an old coin than a sacred relic.
Thomas Craughwell's book is a readable and well-researched history of those events. And although it's a history the writing feels more like a fictional mystery, with good guys and bad guys, plots twists...and appropriate footnoting.
The research gives us a feel for the times. Craughwell helps explains the laws about grave robbing and talks about the country's mood in the years after the assassination. The way we treated Lincoln's body gave me a lot to think about, in terms of what we value and how we honor the dead.
Craughwell also has an appreciation for those wonderful historical nuggets, such as: As a young boy, which future president was among the people who came out to see Lincoln's body brought through New York? Or, who was the last living person to see Lincoln's face? (He lived until 1963!)
Now, if you believe corpses are holy, sacred things that should never be touched, you may not feel comfortable in this book. It's never gory, but it's practical about how a body ends up in a grave. If that's not going to bother you, I think you're in for a treat.
I've been to Lincoln's tomb before. But next time I go, it will look like a lot more than just a slab of marble. It'll look like the end of an adventure.

Good book for: People looking for an interesting story about Lincoln which they probably haven't read anywhere else. Lincoln buffs who want to read something very different.
Avoid this book if: You're going to be horrified by how they treat a dead body. You don't have a bit of dark humor in you. You don't like history books.

A scientifically big head

So Wednesday was the ultrasound where Lynne and Matt could have found out the gender of Baby Hanley...but didn't. We've decided to be surprised on The Big Day.
Still, Lynne and Matt did find out plenty about Baby during the visit to the doctor. The main thing, of course, is that everything is progressing just fine with Mom and Baby. Healthy and happy.
Baby was moving, squirming around, camera shy. Probably thinking, "Hey, did I give you the rights to publish my picture on a blog? Give me a break here, bub. I'm still cooking!"
Here's the other main point of information to come out of the visit: It appears that Baby Hanley will inherit one very unfortunate genetic trait from mom and dad. A giant head.
Lynne (melon head) and Matt (horse face/mount rushmore) have long teased each other that any offspring they produce will be top heavy. Now it's not a joke - it's science.
You see, at the first ultrasound, the doctor set the due date (Sept. 26) by measuring Baby head to rump. (More scientific term than noggin to butt, apparently.) The doctor checks how long Baby is and sets the date.
So, on Wednesday, the doctor re-checks the measurements to see if baby is going to arrive early. Baby Hanley was a bit ahead of schedule, meaning the due date could be a few days early.
So, they measured and based on the femur the due date was Sept. 23.
Based on the abdomen, Sept. 22.
Based on the head, Sept. 18.
Yikes. Hopefully, that means a giant brain, too.

Below are the latest ultrasound pictures. They probably took 25 or 30 pictures (it was like the baby red carpet) and they gave Lynne and Matt four of them, hoping for a profile of the baby's face.
The whole day was so unbelievably exciting. Some things were easy to spot. Matt saw Baby's spine, ribs, heart, hands and, of course, Baby's Freak Head.
And, at the same time, it was so confusing....















This is apparently the baby with head on the right. You can see Baby's eyes and hands and belly. Matt thinks the eyes make Baby look like Igor from Young Frankenstein. Hunchback Baby would be cool because you would always have an assistant for lab experiments.
















Matt has no idea what this is a picture of, but Matt believes he sees the face of a wolf on the left side. Wolf Baby would be cool because it would mean cheap Halloween costumes and sweet ball handling skills.
















This is baby's side profile. It looks like Baby Skeletor. There is nothing cool about that!

Things learned

The most interesting facts gleaned from five hours of online traffic school:
- Elk are the cause of many accidents.
- The third step in passing a car is to overtake the other car. This step should be done last, not before moving into another lane. If you do these steps out of order, you will find that you have driven directly through another car in a sort of Matrix-type fashion, which would be totally awesome.
- If you have to hit an object in your path, try to hit a soft object, not a hard one. Don't aim for concrete barriers. Aim for bunnies or that pillow factory.
- A head-on collision is the worst kind of collision. Matt always thought it was the elephant-truck-hits-airplane-full-of-grapes collision.

Other facts not included, but still true:
- It is legal drive with no shoes on.
- It is legal to change lanes in an intersection.
- Matt will drive slower.

24 out of 25 on the final. Never could figure out where to look if the oncoming car has its high beams on. (To the right at the white line.)

An actual question

Let's think about this, if a vehicle is traveling at 55 miles per hour (88 kilometers per hour), how fast will the occupants still be going at the moment of impact?
15 miles per hour
25 miles per hour
55 miles per hour
60 miles per hour

Hmm, how can we ever figure out how fast they are STILL going if the choices aren't also given in kilometers per hour?

A list of things Matt would rather be doing

A list of things that Matt would like to be doing instead of taking an online traffic class. (This is list should not be considered all inclusive.)
Eating vegetables.
Scooping poop. At the circus.
Cleaning the toilets. (Seriously. Matt almost took a break to clean the bathroom.)
Watching the Cubs.
Spelunking.
Cutting someone else's toenails.
Punching himself in the face.

Again, kids, never speed.

(By the way, in the drug and alcohol section, they asked for more names. Pete Best and Wally Pipp died! See - aren't you glad Matt didn't use real names?)

I won't even type fast

As Matt writes this, he is also taking the online traffic school class from Waubonsee Community College. It is possibly one of the worst things Matt has ever experienced.

The guy reads every word on the screen so you can't speed up. OK, so that's probably a metaphor for what got Matt into this problem. But still.
Matt hates when the man says, "Let's have some fun!" It is a dirty lie.
The program asked Matt to name five people he cared about to illustrate how important it is to be aware of other drivers around you. Matt was afraid they were going to give hypotheticals involving these people in accidents. Matt put Richard J. Daley, David Wright, Jack, Ichiro and Ringo Starr. They were fine.

Did you know that there were 1.5 million accidents involving deer in 2003? (Then why aren't they taking an Avoiding Cars online course?) Elk are also the cause of many accidents. Or so we are told.

Matt will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever speed again. He swears.

If the Hanley Family gets any more good news our heads will explode and we will be walking around like headless people who are very happy and excited

So, let's review some of the latest news.
In case you haven't heard Lynne is storked. (Turns out she's actually fond of that expression.)
And Matt's grandma turned 80! And had a great birthday party!
Lynne and Matt are having a baby!
And Matt's mom turned 29 and became younger than her own son!
It's true - a kid of their own for Lynne and Matt!
And Matt's cousin Michael graduated from college!
A new, not-yet-house trained roommate!
And Matt's sister Megan graduated from grad school!

And then, last week, Megan and Josh got engaged!
Yes, Josh made the leap that several other brave people have made and volunteered to be part of this wacky family. (Somehow, we know he'll fit right in.) Josh proposed by Lake Michigan. Of course, Megan said yes.
Matt was aware of Operation Big Question and had been waiting all day for a call from his sister. So when she finally calls she says, in a monotone voice: "Hey, what's up?"
"Nothing," Matt replies, unsteadily. He can't let on because he doesn't know yet if Operation Big Question has been launched.
"Cool, cool," she says, with a somewhat evil level of detachment. "Nothing much with me."
This went on for at least three more minutes before she finally fessed up. Cruel. Very cruel.

No matter. We are so proud and happy to have Josh join the family. He's very good to Megan, she really likes him and he's been around Matt with his shoes off but didn't flee, so this is a very good thing. We're also pleased to announce that Josh - in order to meet full approval of his future brother-in-law - has agreed to become an Illini fan. Smart move.

So, all in all, it's been insanely good around here, and we're not complaining.