Mark of Fridays: Play Ball!

Matt and Mark, after their first-ever father-son game of catch.  Matt says in was one of his Top 5 Days, ever.  And that's despite the fact that the ball didn't land in Mark's glove even once.  But he did catch one with his chin.

Matt of Fridays: Birthday Edition

A big Happy Birthday to Matt, who turned 35 today!  We love you (and your ice cream cake)!

And a big congratulations to Mark, who helped pick out the birthday present last week and managed--in an amazing display of willpower--not to spill the beans!

Mark of Fridays: AU graduation

As many of you know, Matt has changed his career course. About two years ago, he started taking elementary education classes at Aurora University. His last day at the Beacon-News was Jan. 4.

The reasons for leaving the newspaper industry are pretty obvious, but so is the choice to go into education. Matt loved newspapers because it was a chance to make his community a better place. Hey, schools do that, too!
And a second reason: Matt has a plethora of incredibly gifted teachers in his family that he can steal good ideas from!

Anyhow, after a year and a half of night classes, and four months of student teaching in a fifth grade class in Naperville, Matt graduated from Aurora University with his family in the audience.

There were so many people who helped make this proud day possible. Grandparents who babysat kids, offered up meals and gave support; sisters/cousins/sisters-in-law/wives who suggested lesson plan ideas and activities; bosses who let Matt out early; teachers who mentored Matt; and a wife who said, "Sure, let's turn our lives upside down!" Lynne did a yeoman's work without complaining.
Matt just feels like the luckiest guy in the world.

Mark wearing his dad's "funny hat".

Anne of Fridays: Look at Those Mugs

Like daughter, like father.

Mark of Fridays - Anne edition

 

Book it!

Are you struggling to find a decent coaster for your favorite drink? Do you find yourself thinking: "I wish my bathroom reading material included a little bit more about obscure Illinois murders"?
Having trouble starting your campfire?
Are you one thin book short of finally filling out that shelf on your book case?
Is one of the legs on your favorite table one-quarter inch shorter than all the others?
If you answered yes to any of those questions, and if you have $19.99 ($20.36 Canadian), then we've got just the book for you!

True Tales of Aurora, Illinois
by Matt Hanley

Hey, you know that guy!

Over the last few months, Matt has put together a book of short stories about historical events in Aurora, Illinois. All the stories are true, but their written in a narrative style. In other words, they're dramatic and have full rich characters. (At least that was the intention.)

For instance, you can read about the day that one of the most influential blues songs of all time was recorded in Aurora's tallest hotel. Or, the day the Wright Brothers amazed an Aurora crowd with their new invention. Or the season in Aurora that may have saved the career of future Hall of Famer Casey Stengel.
Also included, for no additional charge, are stories about: a tall, skinny Springfield lawyer's work on an Aurora patent case; the death of John Dillinger's best friend; some really gruesome murder mysteries; and the incredible heroism of Aurora's only Medal of Honor recipient.
In all, The Book is 37,064 words...or 53 pages...or 1,150 paragraphs...or 181,244 characters without spaces... long. That may seem like a lot, but it's a fast 37,000 words. (The last sixty four are a bit of a grind.)
Some of the stories were previously printed in the Beacon, but four are brand new. And since there is essentially zero overlap between the Beacon's readership and this blog's readership, they'll all be new to you!

Pretty soon, you'll be able to order it here.
The book is scheduled to be published in August. Not sure the exact date when it will be available , but the publisher said it will be "in the stores" by Aug. 8. What stores? Not sure.
But if you see it, consider buying eight copies, just in case the first seven get ruined.
For more information and exact dates of publication, search for "True Tales of Aurora, Illinois" on Facebook or click here.

Mark of Fridays: baseball cards

"Dad, can I hold your 1909 T206 Honus Wagner?"
"Um, why don't you hold this Mark Prior card instead..."

Mark of Fridays: Mommy Elmo

Mommy Elmo is Mark's favorite Guy.  All of the other Guys - Murray, Grover, Knuffle Bunny, and Baby Elmo - are required to be in the bed if Mark is going to do any sleeping.  He talks to them, sings them songs, and tells them stories (sometimes for hours) as he's falling asleep.  If a Guy falls (or jumps) out of bed in the process, Mark yells until Mommy or Daddy comes in to retrieve him.

From left to right: Mommy Elmo, Mark, Baby Elmo

But Mommy Elmo (so named because she's bigger than, and is clearly the mommy of Baby Elmo) is special. Mark sleeps with her tucked under him, as if he's afraid she'll escape. And if we let him, he takes her everywhere: in the sandbox, down slides, to the zoo.

Needless to say, Mommy Elmo is very dirty.  Her fur is matted and brownish.  Her eyes - once white - are gray. 

She's so gross that strangers comment on her.  They tell their children not to touch - that Elmo is so dirty.  One mother asked if Mommy Elmo was a hand-me-down, in disbelief that Mark could've done so much damage to her in his short, toddler lifetime.

But we can't wrestle her off Mark for long enough to give her a bath.  Plus, he says, Mommy Elmo is afraid of the dryer.

Then, on Monday night, Mommy Elmo was forgotten at Grandma's.  Matt packed her in Mark's bag for the day, then Lynne left the bag at Grandma's house.  We realized our mistake at bedtime, when Mark said she was missing.


Mark and Mommy Elmo, participating
in one of the activities that
made her prematurely gray.


We searched the house, hoping she was hiding somewhere.  No dice.

We told Mark that all of the other Guys could keep him company, just this once.  He wailed.

Lynne said that Mommy Elmo had asked to sleepover at Grandma's because Grandma needed a Guy to snuggle.  He screamed 'No!', kicked, screamed, and cried. 

"Tell Grandma to bring her here!" he yelled.

Matt told Mark an elaborate story about his own favorite toy, Humpty Dumpty, and how he sometimes let Humpty stay with Aunt Megan when she was a little girl. 

"So she won't be alone?"  Mark asked, tears welled up in his eyes. Yes, just like Mommy Elmo was helping Grandma to not be alone. Then Mark cried that he was alone and wanted Mommy Elmo right now.

By this point it was clear that Mark would not go to sleep without Mommy Elmo.  Lynne called Grandma and arranged to meet up, so we could bring Mommy Elmo home.  The Mommy Elmo hand-off was done in a Walgreens parking lot.  It took 20 minutes, round trip.

Mark was still awake when Lynne got home, talking away. 

"Mommy Elmo!" he said.  He did a deep sigh, then tucked Mommy Elmo underneath him.  "Now I am happy." 

---

"Did you really share Humpty with your sister when you were a kid?" Lynne asked, when she got back downstairs.

"No way," Matt replied.  "But he doesn't know that."

Mark of Fridays: Mommy and Daddy

Do you also get the feeling that these two pictures sum up all of Mark's future parental interactions?

Greetings from Poo Land

From: Matt
Sent: Wednesday, February 29, 2012 11:07 AM
To: Lynne

Greetings from Poo Land.
In case your mom asks why I was a bit disoriented, disorganized this morning....

Even before I got to the door, I knew there was going to be a situation. That certain nose-burning odor was already obvious from the hallway. I steeled myself a bit and tried to remember if we had enough wipes in there. I was discouraged, but not overwhelmed; I'd handled the Door Penetrating Poos before.
When I opened the door, the smell was worse than I had imagined. A thousand rotting potatoes? Ten dead skunks? I don't know the proper metaphor here. It was bad. Twenty years from now when he's graduating college, I will still be able to recall this distinct odor.
There was Mark sitting his bed, smiling.
"I make a poo, daddy!"
Indeed.
There was what can only be described as a "significant amount" of poo on his pillow and blanket. (Significant: distinctly more than a spot, less than substantial.)
"I make a poo daddy and Grover jump out of the bed!"
Grover was, in fact, on the ground. He probably threw himself overboard. Every monster for himself in these situations.
I grabbed the pillow out of the bed right away. Of course, Mark started crying, apparently unaware of the gravity of the situation.
"Don't throw away my pillow, daddy! Don't throw away my pillow!"
I reassured him that the pillow would be safe. Add it to the yes-those-are-orange-french-fries and dad's-going-to-take-nap-too lies that I said I'd never tell.
Next, I snatched Mark out of bed. He seemed oblivious to the smell which was now clinging to me like a spider web. I think my nose will need therapy.
It was clear this was an immediate bath situation. I peeled his shirt off without causing further damage. Oddly, his pants were completely clean. Not a spot on them. The poo must have rocketed out at such a speed and force that it bypassed the pants. I can't explain that part of the story. Maybe the pants were spared so they could go on to some greater destiny. I burned them anyways.
Anyhow, Mark was excited by the prospect of a morning bath and I think he believes we're going to do this every Wednesday. I hope that is not the case.
While I filled the bathtub, I tried to use the hand wipes to get the poop off his back, etc. None of this seemed to phase him. When I finally got the diaper off, I think it weighed three pounds. No joke. No wonder he was happy. He probably felt relieved.
Anyhow, we got in the bath. Of course, he didn't want to get out very soon which I approved of. As he played a little, I kept trying to find bags to wrap the diaper in layer after layer of plastic. I sent it to the hallway, but it was not far enough away.
When we were done with the bath, it was time to get dressed. As he got ready, I surveyed the damage. Mark reminded me again not to throw away his pillow. I told him that I wasn't going to throw it away, but it needed to be cleaned because it had poopy on it. I told him that a lot of things needed to be cleaned because there was a lot of poopy on a lot of things. I told him that he was a good boy and he did a good job telling me about the poopy when I came in, but we needed to clean a lot of things.
"You don't need to clean the closet, daddy. There's no poopy on the closet doors, Daddy."
I conceded that that he had not gotten poopy on the closet doors on the other side of the room. Somehow that perspective actually made me feel a little better.
Anyhow, I sent him off with your mom and he was as happy as ever, pretending to make Elmo yell "I'm rojo! I'm rojo!" as he got in the car. I took some solace knowing Elmo had come out of this experience unscathed, both emotionally and poo-wise.
I think I used half our wipes scraping poop off blankets, pillow, sheets. I kept telling myself that someone did this for me once, someone did this for me once, someone did this for me once. It actually helped during the roughest patches. (Windows were open, obviously.)
So I was late for work and the blanket is washed. (Yes, I washed it on cold and I put the spray on first.) I'm not confident it can be saved, but that may be the nose trauma talking. It looked ok. I threw in the sheets, pillow cases and clothes (his and mine). I put in the pear soaked clothes from yesterday, too.
I really should have filmed the whole thing as a teen sex ed video. Hey, teens: having kids is a life affirming and amazing experience. You will learn things about life and yourself that you never imagined.
But unless you are ready to spend a morning scraping poo off a pillow and blanket by hand, then you should probably hold off.

"Stop talking about me!" Tom said swiftly.

So what do you do when you're a big nerd and you're married to a big nerd and your sister is a big nerd? You get in a Tom Swifty War, that's what.
Yep. Serious Nerd Alert.
For about two weeks Lynne and Matt engaged in a furious Swifty War with Megan and Josh.
It all started with some Tom Swifties on a bathroom calendar. That prompted Matt to begin sending Swifties to Megan, unannounced and unexplained. She retaliated with her own Swifties. Suddenly, the Great Swifty Nerd War of 2011 was in full bloom. It still hasn't officially ended.
What's a Swifty? Well, there's a pretty good explanation on Wikipedia here. But they're probably best explained with the examples below, taken from the GSNWo2011.

MEGAN and JOSH

“You are going to have to scrub a lot harder to get that rust off, you idiot!” Tom said abrasively.

“Ah, those birds are really lovely,” Tom tweeted.

"You already said that," Tom repeated.

"I'm going to punch you in the face," Tom said abusively.

"I really have to get this done before I vomit," Tom said feverishly.

"These pencils need sharpening," Tom said dully.

"I would like some Chinese food," Tom said wantonly.

"This road is going to --," Tom said abrubtly.

"I need my sunglasses," Tom said brightly.

"These pretzels are making me thirsty," Tom said saltily.

"The train is fast approaching," Tom said flatly.

"I just visited Wisconsin," Tom said cheesily.

LYNNE

"I really thought she'd smack me for that comment," Tom said unabashedly.

"But I really thought I earned an 'A' on this paper," Tom bemoaned.

"I can't be too late for the meat giveaways," Tom said mistakenly.

"I feel best when I'm naked," Tom disclosed.

"I think I calculated your grade on this test incorrectly," Tom remarked.

"Don't cross those wires!" Tom said shockingly.

"I think there's a cat stuck in the air conditioning system," Tom said fervently.

"I love to eat beans," Tom said breezily.

"It's time to stop," Tom said haltingly.

MATT

"I think I'm in love with a goat," Tom kidded.

"Was that Matt's butt?" Tom asked cheekily.

"Be quiet and leave this place," Tom shouted.

"I'm at the doctor's office," Tom said patiently.

"I know we broke up but no one else is going to date her!" Tom exclaimed.

"I took me two tries, but I knocked over all the pins," Tom said sparingly.

So, here's the contest: the best Swifty posted in the comment section wins a free night of babysitting! And we won't stay out late!

Matt as firefighter

We know what you've been wondering: would Matt make a good fireman? Their motives weren't exactly pure (they were in the middle of contract negotiations) but the local firefighter union invited Matt to pretend to be a fireman for a day. Read the story here.

OK...it doesn't matter if you read the story. Matt just wanted an excuse to post this picture, which is officially as close to manly as he will ever be. (And it still wasn't that close.)

Quotation Marks: Dreams

Every morning when Mark is getting dressed, Matt asks Mark what he dreamed about last night. Mark probably has no idea what a dream is but...well, it's something to pass the time. Mark is sick of talking about the Patriot Act, so dreams seem like reasonable back-up material for a morning discussion.
And every morning, Mark says he dreamed about: "Mama."
About 90 percent of the time, he says: "Dada."
There's also the occasional: "Elmo." (Pronounced 'lalalalal'.)

But last week, when Matt asked Mark was he dreamed about last night, there was an interesting answer:
"Mama.
"Dada.
"ROAR!"
And then he raised his arms like a lion.

Mark declined to answer any follow-up questions.

Matt's Top Three and Half Movies List

So this is the place where Matt generally presents his top 10 movies of the year. Readers of this well-respected and tragically overlooked feature have come to treasure his off-beat, gritty selections.
Alas, then a kid was born. And he is not allowed (able?) to watch movies that don't have muppets in them.
So, for the first time in a long time, Matt will not have a Top Ten Movies list. Matt's not entirely sure he even saw 10 movies last year. Of the 10 Best Picture nominees, Matt saw just five (Inception, The Kids Are All Right, The Social Network, Toy Story 3 and The King's Speech) and just one of the documentaries, which is where Matt usually finds his favorites. Honestly, Matt didn't see many movies beyond that. So, it's not really fair to give a top 10 list with so many left unseen.
Instead, how about just a list of good movies and some comments.

UPDATE: Matt totally forgot about Easy A, which would have surely made even a full Top 10 list. The movie was clever, funny and had a superstar lead performance from Emma Stone.

Toy Story 3. Matt had an unfair bias against this movie for being a sequel's sequel. How could a Part 3 be any good? Even the Godfather III was ridiculous. But this was the best movie Matt saw this year. Funny, smart and moving.

Exit From The Gift Shop. No movie made Matt think more. This was a documentary about graffiti artists where the documentarian became an artist himself. Allegedly. There's plenty of speculation about how much, if any, of this movie was real. Exit challenged the ideas of what art is and what it should be. Plus, one of the few movies that mocked its own audience. Odd, wonderful film.

The Kids Are All Right. Was all right. Great acting by Mark Ruffalo and Julianne Moore. Not really a great movie. Couldn't figure out what Moore and Annette Benning's characters saw in each other.

The King's Speech. Beautiful acting from all the leads. Firth and Rush were amazing. An engaging story that Matt knew very little about. That being said...how many more movies do we really need about The Royals? It's very hard for Matt to buy that these unelected, uber-rich people have so many hardships. Still, worth seeing, for sure.

Inception. Brilliant. We have to reach a point where Christopher Nolan arrives at the end of our consciousness, right? How can someone think so much, and write so magnificently, about thinking? The fact that anyone could follow this movie at all is a tribute the director, editors and writers. This was impossibly complex movie that made perfect sense.

The Social Network. Great acting, great editing, great script. But....but...ugh. This is another of Matt's little hang ups. This is a movie about real people and it uses their real names. But screenwriter Aaron Sorkin essentially bragged that he didn't care whether he got the facts right. Now, of course, any non-documentary movie based on real people is bound to have invented scenes and dialog. (Not everything in King's Speech happened just that way.) But Sorkin wanted the cache of having a Facebook movie, having a Mark Zuckerberg movie, but he'd rather not be too bothered with the truth. As a reporter, Matt has a hard time getting over this.

OK, that's about it. All the best movies are TV shows now, anyhow! (Only sort of kidding.)

On the upside: Christian Bale's Oscar win means that Matt was in a scene with an Academy Award winner. Well, really, an Oscar winner was in a scene with Matt. Sure, the scene got cut. But, still.

Tweet me!

Did you know that those of you who are on Twitter can follow Matt at MattHBeacon? Didjaknowthat?
Of course, it's a work account so it's lots of links to murder trials and roaming chicken stories. But if that's your kind of thing, then follow away!

Baseball in December?!?

Well, with Bert Blyleven's election Wednesday to the Hall of Fame, Matt will have to go get his cards out of the commons bin. Apparently, he's a Hall of Famer, like Walter Johnson and Willie McCovey. Ahem.
Below is Matt's annual Hall of Fame votes, written before the results were announced.

It's time for Matt to turn in his 2011 Hall of Fame ballot. Turn it in to who? Well, to you, our faithful reader(s).
Yes, Matt once again feels compelled to spend his time dissecting the careers of men he's never met for the pleasure of no one besides himself, apparently. But, you know, it's funner than shoveling.
Here's Matt votes from two years ago. And here's last year's Matt ballot.
As you will notice, Matt is a notoriously tough grader. That's because he's been to the Hall. He's seen how small the room with the plaques is. It makes you want to keep to an elite few - the true greats.
However, Matt waivers from year to year as he continues to gather more information, cull different perspectives and radically change his mind. But this year, Matt will try to be a bit more analytical and bit less "this guy didn't write back to me when I was twelve."
To start, here are Matt's revised but not necessarily refined Hall of Fame criteria:
ONE, a player should have a decade of excellence. That means they should be among the best players in the game for a period of at least 10 years. During that time they should be among the two or three best players at their position.* **
*Exemptions for pitchers, because there are more of them.
** Exceptions can be made for particularly deep eras at certain positions, henceforth known as the Willie-Mickey-And-The-Duke Exception. ***
***Inversly, not every era has to have a Hall of Famer from every position. Certain eras had five great shortstops. Other eras had a lot of pretty good shortstops. Hence, the Alan Trammell Corollary.
TWO, the player should have some semblance of an all-around game. Hitters should be able to hit for power and average, run, throw and field. Pitchers should be durable, able to strike people out, flexible and able to field their position.*
*Of course, dominance in one area can lead to forgiveness in other areas. Henceforth known as the Harmon-Killebrew-Was-Slow Exception.
THREE, MVP awards, Cy Youngs, All-Star selections matter. They are not the be-all, end-all. But they are a reflection of how the player was viewed by his peers and the writers at the time they played, not through the prism of revisionist history and isn't he a nice guy. Henceforth, the Bert Blyleven Rule. (More later.)
FOUR, excellence in the post season counts. Clutch counts. Why shouldn't it? The World Series is the pinnacle of achievement so why not reward those that excelled there? It's not fair to keep out Ernie Banks because the Cubs are a hopeless franchise, but there's no reason to ignore what a borderline player did in the postseason. It's fair to consider whether any of the home runs, wins or saves the player earned mattered, even in the regular season. The Lee Smith Rule is instituted.
FIVE: No magic numbers. 500 homers is not a free pass. 300 wins is not automatic entry. They're great accomplishments that should be viewed in context of the era that they were achieved in. Mel Ott hit 511 homers, which, when he retired, was the most ever in the National League. It was an astounding accomplishment. Gary Sheffield hit 509 homers at a time when the home run was inflated and a half dozen guys passed the half-century mark. Not as impressive. Numbers are good things to consider, but they shouldn't be worshipped. They can be parsed in so many ways. Fred McGriff had more homers than Stan Musial. So, who would you vote for?
SIX, admitted steroid players should be held to a higher standard. It's impossible to keep them all out. Ridiculous to think someone won't get in - or hasn't already gotten in. So, if that's the case, why not just hold the cheaters to a higher standard? Barry Bonds was a hall of famer before he bulked up. Gary Sheffield wasn't.
SEVEN: Finding one hall of famer with worse statistics - or a worse statistic - doesn't mean Candidate X should be in. Sandy Koufax didn't get a ton of wins, but he should be in the Hall of Fame. Maybe some other guys shouldn't be. Mistakes of the past need not be compounded. Known as the Rick Ferrell Guideline, or the Sutton-Mazeroski-Hack Wilson False Equivalency Test.
EIGHT, and the least reliable. This one may actually have to be eliminated because it's so hard to defend. But there is a Smell Test to the Hall of Fame. Mickey Mantle was a hall of famer. Randy Johnson, Cal Ripken, Alber Pujols, Ichiro feel like hall of famers. They made/make you stop in your tracks when they take the mound or come to the plate. Anything is possible. Mark Teixeira doesn't have it. Mike Mussina didn't. Lee Smith not so much. It's so weak and subjective that Matt hates himself for writing it. Yet, it survives.

With that embedded in your memory banks, consider who Matt'd vote for and let him know how he got it wrong. (* indicates new to the ballot)

The No Way These Guys Should Get Even One Vote:
Bret Boone*, Kevin Brown*, Marquis Grissom*, Carlos Baerga*, Charles Johnson*, Lenny Harris*, Bobby Higginson*, Al Leiter* Kirk Rueter*, Benito Santiago*, B.J. Surhoff*, Tino Martinez*.
Probably all great guys who loved their mothers, but not one deserves to eat a Baby Ruth, much less have a plaque in the same room as Babe Ruth. Higginson and Rueter apparently played for more than a decade, completely undetected by fans.

Really Nice Careers, But Simply Not Hall of Famers
Juan Gonzalez: Two MVPs should really merit him more consideration. For a very brief time, he was great. But there's some obvious steroid questions here and he wasn't good for very long. And he couldn't run or field a lick.
John Olerud: Olerud was an excellent fielder and fantastic contact hitter. And he rode public transportation to work, which is good for the environment. But he was never great.
Harold Baines: Great? Not really. A lot like Olerud, but couldn't field.
John Franco: Another former Met and good guy. He amassed a lot of saves. Not a hall of famer.

They were very good players and you might have liked to have them on your team but they aren't Hall of Famers:
Barry Larkin: See the Alan Trammell Corollary for the 1995 MVP. A 12-time All-Star, although his last appearance was literally a mercy pick. .295 lifetime average, 198 homers and 379 steals. He does not compare to other great shortstops, even those that played in the same era. This is not the Hall of Very Good.
Alan Trammell: Well, the AT Corallary isn't named after him for nothing. Yep, he was probably the best shortstop of his era. He made the all-star team a lot. Somebody had to.
Edgar Martinez: 300 homers, .312 average, two batting titles, twice in the top 10 for MVP. Couldn't field, couldn't run, couldn't throw. Again, nowhere close to as good as Will Clark, who couldn't even get 5 percent to stay on the ballot.
Don Mattingly: Last year, Matt said Donny Ballgame would be the next Dodgers manager. Just wanted to point out how smart Matt is. So, he must be right when he say Mattingly was excellent, but not for long enough.
Lee Smith: See the Lee Smith Rule. What's the big save you remember Lee Smith getting? When did he carry his team for a season or even into a pennant run? What's your Lee Smith memory?
Fred McGriff: He's listed after Lee Smith for a reason. Was Fred McGriff ever a dominant player? Or was he occasionally a pretty good player? A nice piece on your team, but never the centerpiece.
Dave Parker: Some spectacular years. A lot of below average ones.
Tim Raines: Somehow, Raines seems less than the sum of his statistics. However, Matt vows to take a closer look at this case in the off season. Matt realizes now that in the past he has fallen into the standard media trap of overlooking people who played for the Expos, Astros, Royals, etc. It's wrong. Rock could run, although not much after 30. He didn't hit for power, was only in the MVP talk once and never won a Gold Glove. Oh forget it...Matt knows that Raines isn't a Hall of Famer. No off season studies required.
Larry Walker.* See the Lee Smith rule. And consider the Colorado factor. He was an excellent player for a while, someone you stopped to watch. But his career totals aren't overwhelming (383 homers, .313 average) and he didn't dazzle (or fizzle) in the postseason to give him that edge. He really wasn't a much better player than Darryl Strawberry who, again, nobody's making a case for. He was half as dominant as Albert Belle, who fell off the ballot.

Almost but not quite:
Dale Murphy: For a while, he did it all: Hit for power. Won Gold Gloves as a converted catcher. Two MVPs to show for it. But then, at 32 years old, he was done. Without any postseason, there's just not enough there.
Bert Blyleven: Matt has to be careful here. There's this odd groundswell of support to get Blyleven into the Hall, as if he was Tom Seaver. People who support him take it personally when you don't vote for him. Why do you want to keep Bert out?, they shout. But where were these people when he was playing? He never won a Cy Young - never finished in the top two. He made three all star games in 22 seasons. Back then, he wasn't considered dominant. Statistically, he never lead the league in wins or ERA. He won 20 once, 19 once. He led the league in strikeouts once. He was incredibly durable. And he's a fantastically funny, insightful and engaging broadcaster, which might have something to do with why he's sudden a hall of fame player. Maybe it should be called the Ron Santo Trap. A lovable broadcaster who retroactively becomes a legendary player.
Mark McGwire: This is where Matt flip flops most often. But, when measured against his era and what he has admitted to doing, Matt doesn't think McGwire's credentials stand up. After you deflate the home run numbers, you're left with a guy who couldn't run, field or hit for average. Disappeared in the postseason. But, undoubtedly, he was a brilliant power hitter and someone you stopped to watch hit. A borderline, hesitant, no.
Rafael Palmeiro* Ah, Matt's been waiting for Palmeiro to come up. Matt does not like Raffy. Nothing personal. He was a really good player who could hit for power and average. But he was vastly, vastly overrated. He got all the magic numbers but never made any of them magic. He had the perfect swing, but never got the crucial hit. Admit it, he never captured your imagination. He was hardly ever the best player on his team and he wasn't batting behind Lou Gehrig. He was dwarfed by Rusty Greer. Even with the steroids confirmation, Raffy was never a Hall of Famer.
Jeff Bagwell* Another gut check. It's tempting to blow off Bagwell because he played for the Astros. His excellence was relatively brief, but it was great while it lasted. He won an MVP and could run for a while. He never did much in the postseason. He is a player that merits further study. For now, no.

Yes, they should be in, but it's not a walk off:
Roberto Alomar.* Matt does not like Roberto Alomar. He's a jerk who did bad things and dropped off dramatically, fast. But, for 10 years Alomar could do it all at second base: field beautifully (10 Gold Gloves), steal bases and hit for average as well as power. Plus, he came up big when it counted. A hesitant yes, worthy of further study.
Jack Morris: Morris has an ugly ERA (3.90), 254 wins and 2,400+ strike outs. And he was a workhorse and straight money in the big games. He goes in on postseason excellence.

Absolutely, no doubt:
Nobody

To see all the players stats, go here.
For more interesting reads, check out Joe Posnanski's choices, even though some of his selections are quite clearly insane.

Upcoming ballots
2012: Jeromy Burnitz and Bernie Williams.
2013: Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Craig Biggio, Curt Schilling, Sammy Sosa, Mike Piazza, Kenny Lofton.
2014: Tom Glavine, Jeff Kent, Greg Maddux, Mike Mussina, Frank Thomas
2015: Randy Johnson, John Smoltz, Pedro Martinez, Carlos Delgado, Nomar Garciaparra, Joe Crede

Can't-miss picks

Last year, Matt watched a ton of baseball games on TV, so his picks for the playoffs were right on: he got two series right.
The year before that, Matt went to a bunch of baseball games and saw almost all the playoff teams in person. And his picks were even worse.
So, this year - when Matt watched less baseball than he has in ages -his picks are sure to be a little more right. It only follows.
Here be Matt's Playoff Picks Sure To Go Wrong.

AMERICAN LEAGUE
Minnesota Twins vs. New York Yankees
Matt's prediction: Yankees in four
Predictable storylines: Big market vs. small market; Twins can't win in postseason; Yankees playing with heavy hearts after Steinbrenner and Sheppard die; Will games be snowed out?
Comment: With all his heart, Matt will be rooting for the Twins. And they actually have a decent match-up. The Yankees are a very good (, very evil) team. But, as everyone is saying, their pitching is suspect past C.C. Sabathia. So, the key for the Twins might be game one. Beat Sabathia there and they may just have a shot at this thing. But, realistically, Hughes and Pettitte are still pretty good pitchers and the Twins aren't exactly throwing Santana and Blyleven out there. (That's the best Twins pitchers I could think of.) The Twins just need too many people to have career series to beat the All That Is Evils. Without Morneau...head trumps heart.

Texas Rangers vs. Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Matt's prediction: Rays is four
Predictable storylines: No one comes to Rays games so they might move; Cliff Lee likes to throw complete games; Rangers re-birth; Should Nolan Ryan pitch game two?; If Rangers win, will Josh Hamilton have to babysit Ron Washington?
Comment: On paper, this is a really intriguing series. It's tempting to say that Cliff Lee will be the tipping point for this series. Theoretically, this guy can just throw five complete games, if necessary. Josh Hamilton is back and the Rangers are an extremely potent lineup. But, David Price is awesome and so is Even Longoria, even on 12 days rest. Let's go with Joe Maddon and experience.

NATIONAL LEAGUE
Philadelphia Phillies vs. Cincinnati Reds
Matt's prediction: Phillies in three
Predictable storylines: Roy Halladay is finally in the postseason; Upstart Reds vs. veteran Phillies; Aroldis Chapman may kill a player with a thrown ball; Who will run into Darren Baker?
Comment: OK, nobody's picking the Reds. How could you? If you had a confidence pool the Phillies would have to be your top pick to advance. The Reds don't really have an ace and the Phillies might have three. The Reds have a bunch of young overachievers who are thrilled to be in the playoffs and the Phillies expect to go to the World Series. The Reds have Dusty Baker, the Phils have Roy Halladay. Sorry, Reds.

San Francisco Giants vs. Atlanta Braves
Matt's prediction: Braves in five
Predictable storylines: Two favorites for Rookie of the Year go head to head (Heyward and Posey); Lincecum is a freak; Chipper Jones wishes he could play in this series; Will Bobby Cox will be ejected from his last game?
Comment: Nobody's picking the Braves, either. Again, with good reason. The Braves basically snuck into the playoffs, barely losing less games than the Padres did down the stretch. Chipper Jones is out and Jason Heyward is struggling. The Giants have three or four aces. But...the Giants haven't been to the playoffs lately. And if Tim Lincecum gets blown up (which has happened this season) when the lights go on, things might get interesting. Here's betting Bobby Cox has one last trick up his sleeve.

Things to root for:
- If the Giants and Phillies do get through, that will be a heck of a pitching match up in the NLDS.
- Mike Sweeney, Roy Halladay and Michael Young are all making the first playoff appearances. Always nice to see veterans get a taste. Someone like that always seems to make a key play or have a huge series.
- Twins and Giants in the Series. Interesting.
- Always root for Jim Thome/Buzz Lightyear.

Things to root against:
- If the announcers start saying the Yankees are winning despite heavy hearts (because of Steinbrenner dying), that series has full barf potential.
- Yankees and Phillies in the Series. Blah.

He was out! But he wasn't.

OK, everyone is talking about the blown call that took away the perfect game. And you want to know what Matt thinks?
Thanks for asking. Finally.

Every emotional part of Matt wants to overturn the call. After, it's important to get it right. That seems like a fundamental part of baseball, part of umpiring.
Matt watched the play happen live and couldn’t tell if the runner was out or safe. As soon as they showed the replay, it was clear that it was the wrong call. It hurt to see it. Matt was hurting for the pitcher, for his teammates and for the ump.
Armando Galarraga did pitch a perfect game, after all. It ended with an imperfect call. But you can't change the call.
Overturning it causes too many problems.
What if it was the same play but on the last day of the season with a guy batting .4001? Or what if a guy just got thrown out at first (incorrectly) when he had 2,999 hits? (Then he dies in a plane crash so he can never get that last hit or something.) How far do you want to go with this? Should we review the whole game to make sure there were no pitches that were called strikes that should have been balls? If they blew a call with three balls then we can take away the perfect game again.

It stinks, but it was done by the rules on the field at the time. If you want to change the rules going forward (one replay per game?) then go ahead. But changing history seems silly.
Matt might have let it go if they had immediately consulted the replay on the field. (Even though that's not allowed.) But the game ended. The next batter grounded out. Everyone went home. Game over.
The bottom line is that people want to change this to add a statistical anomaly (one that's been in the air lately). The call was not significant to the fairness of the game as a whole or the competitive balance of the teams.
Matt's buddy Mark made a good comparison about Barry Bonds. For many (most?) people, it feels wrong that he has the record, but it is what it is. It also feels wrong that Rutherford B. Hayes won the popular election, but lost the electoral vote. We haven’t gone back and fixed that one!

Other, random thoughts on the not-perfect game:
- It would have been funny if the official scorer had rule an error (maybe on Cabrera's deliberate throw - so Galarraga could still get the no hitter. That would have been creative. And wrong.
- It would also be great is if Jason Donald - the batter - finishes his career with exactly 3,000 hits. Just to stir it up.
- The way the ump and Galarraga handled this? We could all something.
- Finally, what if this this situation had been the same, but it was game 7 of the World Series in a one-run game? You have to use the replay, even it wasn’t in the rulebook, right?

Advice from Beckett Baseball Card Monthly

Matt has been going through some of the artifacts he stored at his parents' house, trying to lower the ratio of people-to-PEZ-dispensers in their home. While sorting through old stuff, Matt came across a copy of Beckett Baseball Card Monthly magazine. It's difficult, now, to put in perspective how much this magazine meant to Matt as a kid. For a baseball card collector, Beckett was a monthly holy scroll delivered to your house.

Each magazine had a price guide in it and articles about baseball card collecting. Each month, Matt would studiously look up his best cards.

Actually, he only had two valuable cards. 1983 Topps Traded Darryl Strawberry, which at one point was listed at $130; and a Carlton Fisk rookie card, valued at $75 in 1990. Now, the Strawberry is probably worth a dollar and the Fisk is worth maybe $15, at best.

But Beckett said they were worth hundreds so they were! Although Beckett supposedly based their prices on what dealers were selling the cards for, the dealers were setting their prices off Beckett. It was like a mind warp. We were kids. What the heck did we know? According to Beckett, we were hundredaires!

The edition Matt was looking through was the August 1990 edition, pictured above, with Ryne Sandberg on the cover. Looking back, there are many things to enjoy about the magazine:

- The not-good writing. It's terrible. It appears to be mostly articles from newspaper writers and freelancers who did a minimum amount of reporting, besides compiling stats. Of course, at the time, you didn't have baseball-reference.com so stats were harder to come by. Still, these articles tended toward extremely cheesy and dumb. Not to mention that article on Paul Molitor is titled, "Flame on!", which is a bit strange.

- The absurd investing advice. People would write Beckett with questions about obscure cards, possible errors they had detected or baseball card investment strategies. Granted we have 20 years' hindsight, but the advice still had to be hilarious to anyone who understood a little bit of supply and demand. (10-year-old Matt didn't.) Here's a particularly poignant letter, from Don in Kansas: "When I began collecting cards 10 years ago, only Topps produced (cards) in quantity, and dealers were few and far between. .... Today, we have six manufacturers ... Everyone keeps their cards in Mint condition by placing them in plastic sleeves or by not opening them at all...Everyone expects to make a major profit from them someday...(but) collectors are saving their newer cards, waiting for eventual appreciation in value. Supply will exceed the demand and values will never be very high. And, finally, cards are printed in much greater quantities today, making them much more available in the first place." To which Beckett responds: while Don from Kansas has some valid points, if the number of collectors continues to explode, the enormous supply may turn out to be very small, thereby making cards a solid investment. Uh-huh.

- Finally, just for fun, the Hot and Cold Lists. Each edition contained a 30-player/set HOT list and 10-player/set COLD list. Readers would send in their votes, then Beckett would just make up the rankings or something.

Here's the HOT list from 1990:

1 - Ken Griffey Jr., 2 - Bo Jackson, 3 - Nolan Ryan, 4- Jose Canseco, 5 - Will Clark, 6 - Cecil Fielder, 7 - Ryne Sandberg, 8 - Mark Grace, 9 - Rickey Henderson, 10 - Don Mattingly, 11 - Eric Anthony, 12 - John Olerud, 13- Kirby Puckett, 14 - 1990 Score, 15 - Lenny Dykstra, 16 - Mark McGwire, 17 - Delino DeShields, 18 - Ben McDonald, 19 - Todd Ziele, 20 - Andre Dawson, 21 - Ruben Sierra, 22 - Barry Larkin, 23 - Roger Clemens, 24 - Glenn Davis, 25 - Greg Vaughn, 26 - Jim Abbott, 27 - Kelly Gruber, 28 - Jerome Walton, 29 - Chris Sabo, 30 - Bobby Bonilla.

Nothing wrong with that list. In fact, a lot right with that list. Probably 9 Hall of Famers and only 7 washouts. Not too shabby.
The NOT list includes: 1 - Pete Rose, 2 - Sportsflics (cards that appeared to move and were awesome); 3 - Chris Sabo (huh?), 4 - Darryl Strawberry, 5 - Matt Nokes, 6 - Gregg Jeffries, 7 - Sam Horn, 8 - Jose Canseco, 9 - Dwight Gooden, 10 - Ben McDonald.

No Hall of Famers and you can see a lot hatred for big-time prospects who burned out early.

So, in conclusion: put all your money in Sportsflics; Chris Sabo is great/terrible; it's always a good investment strategy to believe that unusual trends will continue unabated forever; and Matt still loves baseball cards.

Christmas, by m.e.hanley

The Christmas poem
by m.e.hanley

Christmas is a time of joy,
For every little girl and boy.
Giving everyone a present,
Always being pleasant.
Hoping that Santa comes,
Having over all my chums.
Musical notes fill the air,
Hope we don't get underwear.
Santa bringing presents in his sleigh,
That's what happens on Christmas Day.

Editor's note: Here is the final poem from a recently discovered early works of the little-respected poet and Diet Coke aficionado, m.e.hanley. This fifth poem focuses on Christmas. Again, the poet relies on uneven, almost nonsensical rhyming patterns to convey a sense of unbalance to the reader. It's as if the poet is forcing us to look again at our holidays to see if there is not something unsettling.
Using the ironic "joy" to open, the poet exposes the cynical underbelly of Christmas: the consumerism, the Socialist drive to give "everyone a present", the clanging musical notes that contribute to noise pollution.
Many experts focus in on the sixth line of the poem. Here, the main character is hanging around with his "chums." Is the poet referring to his male friends - an exclusive group of privileged male Ubermensch? Or is he referring to the the salmon native to the northern Pacific and adjacent waterways? Either way, the image is disturbing.
But it does not end there. In this poem, even gifts must meet rigid standards: no underwear allowed. And Santa brings presents not on Christmas Eve while children sleep, but on Christmas Day, undoubtedly to expose the fraud that has been wrought by our greed.

We hope you have enjoyed these poems that we were pained to present. Who knows what other literary treasures will be uncovered in the next three ring binder?