Honeymoon Adventures VI: Ceiba and science

Day Six of the honeymoon (July 21) was a day of relaxation, beauty, science and a hint of home.

After a few days in the real Amazon, Matt and Lynne shipped off to Ceiba Tops, the only luxury resort in the Amazon and the high end hotel in the Explorama chain. The group had heard rumors of this place on the third day of the trip. Supposedly, it was very swank - $245 a night, in a country where a dollar goes a long, long way.

It was very odd walking in, like being in Florida. There was cement everywhere, a chlorinated pool, a lounge with board games (did you know Scrabble has extra letters in Peru?), and air conditioned rooms. When Matt and Lynne first saw the people who had been staying at Ceiba Tops, there was a bit of resentment. These people didn't know what the Amazon was really like. Look at them! Lounging by the pool! Going down the slide! Holding a parrot! Puh-lease.

And then...Matt and Lynne fell onto the clean beds - no mosquito netting. They swam in the pool and went down the slide. They took hot showers. Ahhhhh. Sweet bliss, as Lynne would say.

As you can see, this development was exciting for Lynne.

But Lynne and Matt didn't waste all their time at Ceiba Tops having sun in the fun. This trip was not only a chance to relax, it was opportunity to learn. So, Lynne and Matt conducted their own scientific experiment at the hotel, working on a rumor that has circulated for years. The results were recorded for poosterity. Click below to become part of science.



Ahem.

After some morning rest, the group headed back out onto the Amazon for what was supposed to be one of the highlights of the trip. Since Lynne and Matt landed in Peru, people had been talking about the amazing pink Dolphins. The group piled into the boat and Raul, the guide, took everyone to a spot in the river where he thought the Pink Dolphins might be hanging out, like a dolphin soda shop or the dolphin dollar theater. Of course, Raul knew right where to go.

Now, this may be a case where Matt was done in by his own expectations. He got it into his head that the dolphins would be leaping into the air (like Free Willy), dancing around and over the boat. Instead, the dolphins surfaced briefly, providing a fleeting glimpse of their back. Matt saw them, but he really couldn't tell they were pink. Check out this video. Does he look pink to you? Allegedly, at best. (None of the dolphins were that close or that still for Lynne and Matt.)

It's not that the animals were disappointing - they're marvelous and fascinating creatures - but the view wasn't all that spectacular.

After the dolphin viewing, the group took a trip to the towns of Mazon and Indiana. That's right, they traveled half way around the world and ended up in Indiana, Peru. (Not to be confused with Peru, Indiana.) It seems a missionary had come this town years ago from the Hoosier state, so they named the town after the mysterious state that produces horrible, horrible football teams.

The group headed into town on moto-rickshaws that were more or less completely terrifying. It was raining and these moto-rickshaws (it's a motorcycle carrying a rickshaw - very literal) had not been repaired in a while. Matt and Lynne actually ended up crashing into the moto-rickshaw in front of them, but all was well. Ha-ha, nothing to fear. Surely, the driver had everything under control.

After the ride, the group wandered through a local market. Kids followed Matt and he took their picture, then showed it to them on the digital camera, which they thought was hilarious. Then again, they may have been laughing at the mustache Matt was "growing."

The market gave a quick perspective on world economies. Bananas were three bunches for a dollar and men sat in booths stacked ceiling to floor with goods ranging from dish soap to toothbrushes. There were electronics stores, but they sold TVs from 20 years ago and computers that American inner city grade schools would have abandoned. Kids worked in other booths, or just spent the day with their parents.

But everyone was friendly and courteous to the Americans stomping through their city.

After the tour of Indiana, everyone headed back to Ceiba Tops, where they saw the lodge's namesake, the majestic Ceiba tree. The tree can grow over 200 feet tall with a trunk that is almost perfectly straight for 90 percent of the height, then fans out over the other trees in the jungle. Of course, the height and enormous trunk make it very valuable to loggers. The tree on the Ceiba Tops lodge property was basically rescued and protected - the trees are disappearing fast because preservation efforts can't keep up.

It's difficult to describe how massive the tree is. It was difficult to comprehend its enormousness even when you were standing right in front of it. Matt couldn't fit the entire tree in a picture, but to give you some scale check out the horizontal picture on the right. (You may have to click on it to enlarge.) Inside the red circle near the bottom? That's our Mrs. Lynne. It's a big tree, all right?

The day ended with a nice dinner in the lodge with Peter Jensen, the man who founded the Explorama lodges 40 years ago with $5,000 capital. Although he's retired, he was still there, serving up potatoes and filling up watermelon trays. Lynne and Matt found the Explorama experience to be all around top-notch. Good service, good variety and a great appreciation for the natural beauty of the Amazon.

Day Six Summary: One bout of skepticism followed by falling in love with air conditioning; one inconclusive scientific experiment; several brief glimpses of supposedly pink dolphins; one giant tree; one moto-rickshaw accident, non-fatal.

Mustache: Fuzzy. The little guy was really coming in now, starting to make his presence known. Even other members of the American tour group were commenting on how "stupid" and "strange" it looked. And none of them were prompted by Lynne in anyway.

Weird foods eaten: Fish soup is sort of weird, but delicious. That was breakfast.

Coming next: The best place Matt has ever been to, ever.

The Streak continues!!

Matt's unbelievable baseball prediction streak continues!

In the first round of the playoffs, Matt went out on a limb and predicted that the White Sox, Angels, Cubs and Brewers would roll through. And they did!

It was amazing, wasn't it? Remember when Ted Lilly threw the Game 3 no-hitter to clinch it for the Cubs; when K-Rod decked Big Papi; when Paul Konerko went deep three times in Game 5; and when the Brewers went down two games to none and looked like they were done but C.C. Sabathia pitched back-to-back-to-back games and still they were down 1-0 in the ninth inning of Game 5 and it looked like all hope was lost - 2 outs and 2 strikes - but then Brad Lidge hit six batters in a row to lose the series? Remember that? Wow. And Matt predicted every bit of it.

Then, last week, Matt went out on a longer, different, even less sturdy limb and took the Cubs and the White Sox to make the World Series. No one believed it would actually happen. But, here we are, in Baseball City, U.S.A., watching the unthinkable, viewing the unbelievable: a Windy City Series.

Wait?

Huh?
Do I hear some scoffs? Guffaws? Harumphs?

OK, so Matt has missed on every single one of his playoff predictions. That's fairly difficult do, seemingly. The Red Sox made a run at it - nearly pulled off the amazing comeback - only to completely disappoint Matt. (And it need not be mentioned on these same American Internet waves, Matt predicted the Mets would make the playoffs.)

All. Righty. Then. There's just one series left: Rays and Phillies. Already, people are publicly speculating that the ratings will be down for this series. Matt will ask the obvious question: who in the world - besides TV execs - cares what the ratings are? Will they stop broadcasting the Series if the ratings fall off this year? Ha.

Everything is telling Matt the Rays will win the Series. They're on a roll. They play great defense, have outstanding starting and relief pitching, and timely hitting. There's a bit of that destiny thing rolling in their direction. So that means the pick has to be, there's really no other choice, it simply cannot be anyone else besides...the Phillies. (Hence the fuzzy picture of Ryan Howard above.) Get your Rays Championship merchandise now.

OK, well, you're owed some real posts after all this baseball magic. So, why don't we give you a little Illini football and finally get you out of darkest Peru?

Coming soon!

Happy Bogus Holiday Day

By Matt

The schools are closed. No mail and no murder trials. Banks will (hopefully) re-open tomorrow.
Because – in case you didn’t know - today is Columbus Day. Are we still celebrating this holiday?
Yes, Christopher Columbus was courageous and daring. It had to be pretty tough out there on the ocean for months, with no place to recharge your cell phone and, presumably, no wireless signal. But is this really still among our top holidays, worthy of a precious day off from work?
OK, so his voyage changed the relationship between two continents, opening up trade routes that reshaped the world. Big Leif Erikson’ deal. At best, Columbus happened upon a continent that had already been populated for – I’m approximating here – millions of years. At worst, he accelerated the acculturation of the American Indian.
Columbus isn’t even the Italian American most deserving of a holiday. He couldn’t hit a curveball like Joe DiMaggio; couldn’t storyboard his way out of a paper bag compared to Martin Scorsese; didn’t clean up any part of Times Square, ala Rudy Guliani; couldn’t play the first 10 notes of a Chuck Mangione riff; and wasn’t 10 to the negative eighth power the atom smasher that Enrico Fermi was. Heck, even Guglielmo Marconi did more for America – how else would we have met Casey Kasem?
Now, I don’t want to be misunderstood: I’m not advocating for an extra working day. And I don’t even want Columbus Day off the calendar. It can just be shuffled off to Flag Day Land where we see it, smile, then get back to turning out widgets and sprockets (or whatever you do for a living).
I’m saying if we’re going through all the trouble of creating a federal holiday, let’s get our money’s worth. Here’s my suggested replacements:

- First day of the World Series. (late Octoberish) I think we can all agree there’s not enough Wednesday holidays. So, I propose the national pastime championship starts on a Wednesday, giving us a nice breather in the middle of a late October week. This tradition can continue until the Cubs make the World Series, which would clearly mean the end of days is upon us. Who cares about an extra day of paid vacation with the wailing and gnashing of teeth on its way?

- Patriot’s Day. (Sept. 11) My sister suggested we use Patriot’s Day as a day to remember those less fortunate than us – sort of a national volunteer day where we go to work in the recycling centers and sock kitchens (opening soon). A great idea…but if the terrorists see all the good deeds being done because they struck American soil, I can only assume that will lead to more vengeance. No good.
Instead, I propose we use Patriot’s Day to be truly American: order a pineapple pizza online while watching reality TV (Is Joe Millionaire still on?) as you sip bottled water then flip the empties into the neighbor’s yard. Let’s show those that would hate America that even their worst attacks can’t stop us from leading our full throttle USA lifestyles.

- Matt Hanley Day. (June 28) A day to celebrate all things me. The day would start with the Wearing of the Hair Gel, followed by the Cursing of the Tailgaters and end with the Lamenting of the Mets Season. No? Don't like it? You’re missing out. You would have loved the midday Diet Coke Bath.

- International Talk Like A Pirate Day. (Sept. 19) Already being celebrated in small ways, but I think it’s time to expand this holiday. It would give me the perfect opportunity to tell me favorite joke: What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
R?
Nope. P – it’s an R, but it’s missing a leg!

- Newspaper Day. (Sept. 25) Everyone will have to turn off their American Internet and go buy a newspaper or seven. We don’t care what you do with all those dead trees – paper mache is still popular – but just buy the newspaper. (Beacon only, of course.)

- Election Day. (Nov. 4) My wife – a history teacher – suggested Election Day be our newest holiday, so we can all participate in “the democracy” without claiming we had to stay after and clean the coffee bean cooker so it’s not our fault The National Outlaw Bacon party candidate won by a single vote. That’s my wife: very practical.

So, that’s what I’ve come up with so far in my new federal holiday campaign. I’m off to hit some curveballs.

Perfect in the playoffs!

Well, Matt has done it. A perfect 4-for-4 in the playoffs. What's that you say? Matt got all his playoff predictions wrong? Hark! I dare say it may have seemed that Matt swung and missed on every single one of his playoff predictions. But if you look closely, the exact opposite is actually true.

Let's take a closer look:

AMERICAN LEAGUE

Boston Red Sox vs. Los Angeles Angels

Matt's prediction: Angels in 3 games
Comment: The Red Sox are good. The Angels are really, really good.

Result: Red Sox win the series in four games.

See? Matt said the Red Sox were good. He was right on!

Tampa Bay Rays vs. Chicago White Sox

Matt's prediction: White Sox in 5
Comment: Experience and good starting pitching edges out the team of the future.

Result: Rays won in four games.

See? Matt clearly mentioned that starting pitching's the key. "For the Rays" was implied. Booya!

NATIONAL LEAGUE

Los Angeles Dodgers vs. Chicago Cubs

Matt's prediction: Cubs in 3
Comment: Cubs aren't as good as everyone thinks. But they're a lot better than the Dodgers.

Result: Dodgers in 3.

See? This one's easy. Matt clearly said the Cubs aren't as good as everyone thinks. They're not even as good as Matt thinks! And, by the way, Matt nailed it: three games. Money.

Milwaukee Brewers vs. Philadelphia Phillies
Brewers in 5
Comment: With Sabathia pitching two games, the Brewers squeak by.

Result: Phillies in four

See? Matt never put the word "prediction" in there. So, if he had been allowed to finish ... Matt would have said Brewers in 5...years, will win the World Series. Stay tuned...

OK, after all that success, how can Matt avoid throwing out some predictions for the championship serieses?

Red Sox vs. Rays

Matt's "prediction": Red Sox in 7 games

Comment: Red Sox experience edges out the Rays. Matt will send his formal apology, by fax, to each and every Sox fan.

Dodgers vs. Phillies

Matt's "prediction": Dodgers in four games

Comment: Phillies have the hitting, but not the pitching. Inexplicably, the Dodgers will be in the World Series.

That's right! Matt's predicting an all-Manny series! (So start getting tickets, Phillies and Rays fans!)