One Year Anne-iversary

Happy first birthday, Sweet Annie!

Eleven Month Anne-iversary

The stats:  I'm just short of 22 lbs, and wearing the 18 month clothes now.  Sleeves and pants are a little long still, but my tummy stays inside my shirts and the leggings aren't major squeezers.

Favorite place:  Our new house!  It's great!  I have a new bedroom that actually has a closet in it.  And mom gated off the living room and filled it with my toys.  I can put anything in the room in my mouth, and I can't get hurt!  There's so much to do that I haven't noticed I'm in a giant baby cage... or that I can't get to the stairs and climb them 50 million times each day.  Mom and Dad might even have to stop calling me Sir Edmund Hillary.

Things I like:  Fans and light switches.  When I see a light switch, I scream and point until someone walks me over and lets me turn it off, on, off, on, off, on.  I also like to point out fans and demand that they be turned off, on, off, on, too.  Also, I like baths.  Sometimes I crawl over to the tub, start clapping, then try to climb in.  If my parents actually let me take a bath, I like splashing, dumping water on my head, and dunking myself.  I think submerging my whole face and blowing bubbles underwater is hilarious, despite the fact that it gives my mom a panic attack. 

Things I don't like:  Being held by anyone other than my mom, dad, or my grandmas.  I know this is silly behavior and undermines my Generally Agreebale Baby reputation, but them's the breaks.  I also don't like getting my nose/face wiped, which happens a lot, since I rub food all over it (and in my hair, usually) every time I eat.  Plus I've had a cold for like two weeks.  Whenever I see someone coming at me with a tissue or the intent to dam up my faucet of a nose, I crawl away at top speed, contort my body, yell, and usually throw in some other evasive maneuvers.  I am aware that Generally Agreeable Babies don't generally do this, either.

I just found out about:  Christmas.  It's this really great holiday when there is a surplus of brightly colored paper.  Sometimes the paper is wrapped around packages (great for climbing!), but other times it's left shredded and unattended on the floor (great for grabbing and eating!).  Christmas also means seeing lots of family members who love you and want to play with you, which is great.  The downside:  sometimes they want to hold you, too.

Major accomplishments:  I've gotten really good at standing without holding onto anything.  I can also walk around things, as long as I'm holding on, and push my push toys across the room.  I can say "mama" and "dada" pretty convincingly, although Dad still thinks I'm just babbling.  I can sign "all done" when I'm done eating, wave hello and bye-bye.  I have six teeth, and I can chew up crunchy foods pretty well.  I'll try any food you give me and like to eat what my mom and dad are eating (for this, they are very grateful).  I give great open-mouthed, super drooly kisses.

Matt of Fridays: Birthday Edition

A big Happy Birthday to Matt, who turned 35 today!  We love you (and your ice cream cake)!

And a big congratulations to Mark, who helped pick out the birthday present last week and managed--in an amazing display of willpower--not to spill the beans!

Five-month Anne-iversary

The stats:  At my four month check, I weighed 16 lbs. That puts me in the 90th percentile, baby! Basically, I could roll over on other kids my age and squash them. It also means that I already get to wear all my super cute 9-month outfits!

Best friends: My own hands and feet. I'm learning how to control my hands, which means I can grab stuff at will and shove it into my mouth. This includes but is not limited to: mom's hair, dad's nose, the dog's fur, my own bib (still needed as an excessive drool-catcher), toys, the hem of my dress, my hat, the remote control. I also like to munch on my feet. Mom once saw me shove my whole foot in my mouth up to the heel (for comic relief, really, at a time when dad was holding me and using his Super Serious Voice to discipline my brother).  Sadly, dad is not a huge fan of Foot Eating. I mean, really, they're my feet. Why can't I eat them if I want to?  I'm not walking, so it really shouldn't be a big deal.  Besides, they're delicious.

Enemies: None. Seriously. I don't even mind when the dog licks me in the mouth. I just try to eat him.

Favorite place: Anywhere I can see my brother. 

Things I like: Drooling.  Screeching really loud.  My thumb.  Putting myself to sleep (no rocking or lullabies please--I can handle it by myself, thankyouverymuch).   I also really, really like being tickled.  Tickling makes me bust out my big, husky chuckle of a laugh.  It's most hilarious when you take off my shirt and nibble on my bare belly or armpits.  (A word of caution, though: you might want to avoid inhaling near the armpits. I'm told they're smelly.) 

Things I don't like: Baby equipment made for "standard" sized babies.  Last weekend, mom and dad had to put away my bouncy seat because I sank all the way to the floor in it, which rendered it sort-of useless.  They say my Baby Bjorn's days are numbered, too.  Backaches.  Even my car seat is getting awfully difficult for them to lift.  Didn't someone in the Baby Stuff Industry anticipate this problem??

Major accomplishments:  I can barrel roll (front to back to front again), and I can eat off a spoon (although admittedly most of the food dribbles back out again).  During an 8 hour road trip to Pittsburgh, I won the hands-down prize for Quietest Kid in the Car.

Four-month Anne-iversary

The stats:  Just look at me! I'm a healthy kid!

Best friends: I'm starting to like this brother guy. I think I finally caught his attention a little bit. (Big eyes and a sunny disposition will do that.) He reads to me. He tried to teach me the first six presidents. I'm pretty sure that we're going to be great friends.
But in case he gets bored with me, I was so happy to hear that my Best Friend Forever, Hannah Jankiewicz, showed up! Sure, I'm a whole heck of a lot bigger than her right now. But pretty soon, we're going to be sharing clothes and stories about our weird parents!

Enemies: The one-minute that comes after three hours since I've eaten. I eat every three hours. So when it gets to one minute past those three hours, well, I just go absolutely crazy. Often, I'll let out a tiny "eh." (Not too loud. I don't want to upset anyone.) If that doesn't get that their attention, I'll sometimes say "wah." (But never above a mild yelp. No need to disturb anybody.) Like I said, I just go nuts.

Favorite place: On my stomach. That's right! I can roll over! I'm very proud. I've been working on this for a while. I had been able to get to my side but that silly little elbow kept getting in my way. My mom rated me an 80% on rolling over. That's a B! No way a B is good enough! So, yesterday, after series of calculations and some dedicated practicing, I made it all the way over. Mom said I got an A+ ! That's more like it!

Things I like: Well, everything! I love everyone! I love getting up in the morning! I love going to sleep! I love the sun! I love the shade! I love when people look at me! I love when the dog licks my face! I love looking around! I love the car! I love the park! I love my mom! I love my dad! I love my brother! I'm happy all the time! Smiles! Love! Happiness! Joy! Yay!

Things I don't like: Unlike my brother - who would have sat in a diaper filled with poo for hours - I'm not to keen on having a wet diaper. If my diaper gets full, I've been known to cry a little. (Nothing more than a slight whine. Don't want to be a bother.) If there's anything else I don't like, I've been known to put my thumb in my mouth and put myself to sleep. My parents sometimes call me an un-baby!

Major accomplishments: My dad was able to hold me in his hands and stretch his arms out above his head as far as they could go. When he did this, I was able to produce a strand of drool that connected from my mouth to his chest. I think that's pretty awesome. But it might be the reason dad calls me Droolie Andrews. Or Droolia Childs. Or Drools Vern. (He also calls me Smiles Davis!)

The Two-Year Mark

Measurements: I can touch the doorknob and I’m almost too big for my bed. I’m big enough to help carry some groceries, but not tall enough to see over the counter. And, by any measure, I’m pretty darn cute. (Or so I’m told.)

Best friends: I love everyone in my family, but…if I were being honest…my best friends are books! These things are amazing! When I see a book I start to think in exclamation marks! There are books about almost everything! Did you know that?! Sometimes I don’t even need my mom and dad – I just read the books on my own!

Enemies: New foods. I prefer to stick with the staples: fruit (watermelon and cantaloupe, in particular), pizza, fries, peas and milk. I think everyone can agree that these are the best foods ever. Cake? No thanks. Ice cream? Nah. Of course, I do find it odd that Mom and Dad know about so many varieties of fries. Chicken fries, fish fries, vegetable fries…

Just found about: Numbers. I’ve pretty much mastered the alphabet, although a few of the letter don’t make sense. Why does 'eye' start with 'e'? That’s pretty confusing. And 'one' starts with an ‘o’? That’s what everyone tells me. (Dad says he still don’t understand why we need the letter ‘c’, when ‘k’ and ‘s’ pretty much cover all the same territory. But dad’s weird. I didn’t just find out about that.) But numbers are fun, too. I can pick any of them out of a lineup. As for saying them just right, well, my numbers sound like: uh, ooo, free, four, fiiiiiv, baby, lau-ra, aay, niiiine, ya-ya! I say ‘seven’ like ‘laura’ because – obviously – an upside down seven looks like and 'L' - the first letter in my Aunt Laura's name. If you can figure out why I say ‘baby’ instead of six, be sure to let my parents now. At least they laugh every time.

Not so sure about: Birthday parties. My birthday was absolutely the most fantastic social event of the season. Everybody I know showed up and had big smiles. Mom came up with lots of really cool ideas and made awesome invitations. Aunt Laura got me a special room and Kalli made me a great cake. Everyone got me really cool presents. I loved every minute of it! So, I guess I’m not so sure about: Why are we only having these things once a year?

Favorite activities: Wearing hats! On most days, I go with the simple White Sox baseball hat. Can’t go wrong - especially since I don’t yet have a Mets hat. (Must be on special order.) But sometimes I like to mix it up: cowboy hats, winter hats, pirate hats. They’re all cool. I like hats so much that I even had a hat birthday party. I figured out how to get all the adults to wear funny hats. Hilarious! My great-grandma won the Best Hat Prize. Her hat was covered in letters and even had my name on it. I must be pretty special.

I have a crush on: Words. In the last few weeks, I seem to add four new words every day. (Maybe my grandmas are sneaking them into my head.) Mom and Dad come home from work and suddenly I have a lot more to tell them. Six months ago, I knew about a dozen words and most of those could only be deciphered by my closest friends. Suddenly, I’ve realized the value of wonderful words like: play, slide, off, up, down, floor, five, more, dog, show, three, purple, stop, ball and, most all, please. Mom and Dad get me whatever I want when I use that last one. Suckers. Sometimes I just sit in my bed in the morning, counting my toes over and over and over. I probably still spell as many words as I can say – and I’m no Elaina, who can recite Hamlet’s soliloquy - but I’m getting there.

Major accomplishments: I learned to take my own shoes and socks off. I learned that I have mom and dad wrapped about my finger. (Oh yeah, and all my aunts and grandparents, too.) I rode in a boat and stayed over at my grandparent’s house. I worked with Obama on his deficit reduction plan and taught Mariano Rivera to throw that cutter. Bring on the terrific twos!

The it-was-going-to-be-an-18-month-Mark-but-we-fell-behind-so-it's-the-19-month Mark

Measurements: I can reach a doorknob. I can see what's on the kitchen table. My belly doesn't fit too good in 18-month pants, but isn't big enough for 24-month pants. Mom and Dad say they noticed their arms are getting sore.

Best friends: Where to start? Mom and Dad, of course. Jack is funny. Grandma, Grandma, Pap-pap and BaBaBoo are awesome. Aunt Megan, Aunt Eee-Eee, Aunt Wawa and Uncle Josh are cool. Great Grandma is so much fun. Elaina, Aunt Sara and Uncle Tripp are super. Uncle Michael, Uncle Tom, Kalli, Jake, Uncle Jim, Aunt Shelly, Uncle Steve, Uncle Bill, Aunt Carol, Uncle Rick, Uncle Roger, Aunt Candy...

Enemies: Cold weather. This state I was born in is nuts. One week it's eight feet of snow. Then a few weeks later, it's sunny. One day it's 80 degrees and I can have so much fun at the park in shorts. The next day, I'm bundled up in a winter coat and knit hat. I haven't been around long, but I sure hope it's not always like this. This year is aberration, right?

Just found about: Pizza! And Cheerios! And apples! And cantaloupe! Did you know about all this stuff? You'll remember that at the One-Year Mark I barely ate anything that wasn't pureed. Well, I went to a little food therapy (yep, there is such a thing) and got a bit of confidence. Now, I'm willing to try a lot more stuff. I hate to admit, this but some of it isn't too bad.

Not so sure about: Sharing. A few times my really cool cousin, Elaina has come to visit. It's great that she's here, but I'm still not clear why she thinks she should be allowed to play with any of my toys. After all, they are my toys. And the toys she brings with her are pretty much my toys, too. And, if that wasn't bad, enough...she thinks that she can sit in my da-da's lap. What? Whhhhhy? Ahhh waaah waaaaa. Aaaarrgggh!! Sharing stinks.

Favorite activities: Going to the museum. Almost every Friday, mom, dad and I go to the DuPage Children's Museum. Just so you're not worried: it's not a museum where they display children. It's like the greatest place in the whole entire Earth. There are things that woosh, light up, snap, bang, bong, squish, smoosh, fly, shake and shine. It is really, really fun. Strangely, I also love taking a bath. Mom and dad sometimes get me to clean up my toys by promising they'll let me take a bath. I'm sure that's normal.

I have a crush on: The alphabet! Did you know that all of these letters make sounds? It's true. They're like animals, except without the fun motions. Still, they're pretty cool. I've already learned A, C, D, E, F, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, R, S, T, U, V, W, Y, and Z. I say B like M for some reason. That's a tricky one. As for Q and X, well...Q and X are useless. When I'm out walking in the neighborhood, I almost never see Q and X on any of the signs. But, if I see any of those other letters in a book, on a sign, on a t-shirt - anywhere, really - I'll announce them so everyone can hear! Now, if only I knew a number besides '9'.

Major accomplishments: I swim - not by myself, but I do love being in the water. I go to sleep all by myself. My dad used to get worn out because I needed to be held for 30-40 minutes before I would get in bed. Now, that I go right away without crying, I think he misses the snuggling. Taught Derrick Rose how to play defense. Read every book I own, 55 times.

The One-Year Mark

Mark Hanley, at 12 months

The measurements: 22 lbs 13 oz, 28.5 inches long. That's average for kids my age, although my head's still a little larger-than-life. I'm now big enough to wear 12-month pants and 18-month shirts. Good thing baby hats don't come in sizes. Ahem.

Best Friends: Books, Jack, books, fishies (real or in books), and anyone who will hold me through my nap no matter how sweaty I get. Also: books.

Enemies: Diaper changes. I refuse to be held down!
Also: solid foods. Mom and Dad have tried and tried, but I refuse to eat real food. If they give me finger foods, I won't put them into my mouth. If they give me mushy bits of barely solid food (like bananas or watermelon), I fight to keep them out. If they sneak some in, I gag or throw up. I even chuck when they sneak bits of fruit into my baby food. Mom is checking whether they serve purees in the high school cafeteria.

Just found out about: Pretending to hit my head. I ram my head into lots of things, and do you know what I've discovered? Every time, Mom or Dad pick me up and give me a hug. So I decided to "hit my head" more often. Maybe Mom or Dad tells me not to climb up the stairs and I get mad? I'll just cry and pretend I hit my head, so they'll pick me up. Or, maybe, I get caught eating the dog's food? Grab the side of my head. Get in trouble for throwing toys on the floor in a restaurant? Cry and hold my head. Mom and Dad are fooled, every time.

I'm not so sure about: Walking. I can stand for a really long time. I've heard that the next thing I need to master is taking steps. It just seems useless and illogical when I can get around so well by crawling.

Favorite activities: Attacking people while they're sleeping. Mom taught me this trick so I could wake up Daddy on Saturday mornings. Here's how it works: I see a person I love lying still, then I crawl over to them as fast as I can and jump on them, yelling like a wild man all the while. Then they hug me while I yell and yell and yell. The problem is that I now associate hugging with yelling. Oops.

I have a crush on: Birthdays and birthday parties! Did you know that people throw you a party and buy you presents simply for getting older? What a great deal. I think I'll have a birthday every year.

Major accomplishments: So far, I can say: hi, Jack, mama, and dada. I can MOOO like a cow and smack my lips like a fishie. I can sign "all done" and let Mommy or Daddy know when I'm hurt. I can blow kisses, complete with a very dramatic MMMWWWAHHH noise. I can stand on my own. I can ride forward-facing in the car: HOORAY! And I can sort-of help put away my own toys. As long as I haven't just hit my head.

Mark in review

What a year! Matt always told himself he didn't want this blog to become just baby news. But, um, well, this kid is fascinating. He changes so much every day. (And, honestly: Matt is just giving the readers what they want.)

It's amazing that just one year ago the Naper Hanleys were only a duo, counting down the days until Baby To Be Named Later arrived.
And then, after a very long day, Mark Stewart Hanley got called up to the big leagues.
Everyone thought the squishy looking kid was adorable. (And now everyone thinks...he's much more adorable.)


At first, Mark did pretty much nothing at all. Lazy, some might say. He didn't talk. Wouldn't make eye contact. Did not walk. Couldn't drive a car. Refused to play catch. Didn't know -or care to find out - who was president. Of course, every nothing he did was fascinating.
Even with a brief return to the hospital, overall it was a wonderful year. Consider:
One year ago, Mark couldn't roll over. Then, he learned to hold his head up, then sit up, then crawl, then pull himself up. Now, he can stand. (But not quite walk...)
One year ago, Mark didn't have a name. Now, he has a favorite baseball team and a college destination.
One year ago, Mark lived alone in a tiny one-room apartment. Now, he's been to 10 states.
One year ago, the pictures of Mark were all in black and white. Now, he's been photographed 1,765,456,233 times.
One year ago, Mark had never seen another person. Now, he's surrounded by a mom, dad, grandmas, grandpas, great-grandmas, aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts, great uncles, second cousins, third cousins, friends and a dog who hang on his every giggle.
One year ago, we thought we had a perfectly happy family. And we certainly did. And yet, we had no idea how much we were missing.
One year seems like a long time ago and it went so quickly.

The Eleven-Month Mark

Mark Hanley, at Eleven Months

The measurements: About 22 lbs, 28.5 in. (measured with a yard stick and a home scale). Grandma Sue says I'm starting to look "average" rather than "chunky," but Mom and Dad aren't convinced.

Best Friends: Books (when Mom snapped the picture on the right, she wondered if I'm a blooming young scholar or displaying early signs of A.D.D.), tiny plastic balls, and Jack. I say "hi" to Jack constantly (even when he's not there) and chase him around the house as fast as my hands-and-knees will carry me. I can tug Jack's rope (although he often pulls me over) and play fetch with him. I can only throw his ball a few feet, but he brings it back to me nonetheless. Playing fetch makes me laugh like crazy.

Enemies: Naps! Why would I want to sleep for three hours every afternoon when I could be spending that time playing with Mommy and Jack?? Nay nay, I say. Instead, I've built some amazing Bed Sensor Technology. I might fall asleep while I'm drinking my bottle or riding in the car, but no matter how Pinocchio-without-strings my body may seem, I can sense that bed coming. As soon as my bottom (or side or belly) touches it, I wake up and start screaming like my leg has been severed. Then I start laughing and talking, ready to play again.

Just found out about: Talking. This is a skill that alternately confuses my parents and truly blows them away. So far, Mom is sure that I can say "hi" and "Jack" (dad is not so sure). But sometimes I try out some other things on them just to see if they're listening (or maybe test their faith in me). For example, the other day mom told me to stop banging on the dishwasher door while she was loading it. I sat down, and she said "thank you." I looked at her and said something that sounded a whole lot like "thank you." She was skeptical. It couldn't be, she thought. But I just might have said it. Other words I might have said: mama, dada, hello, bye.

I'm not so sure about: Standing. I can do what Dad calls a "Road Runner Stand." Road Runner (I'm told) can run over the edge of a cliff, suspended in midair, as long as he doesn't realize he's gone over the edge. I can stand by myself, without holding onto anything, as long as I don't realize I've let go. So Mom and Dad are always trying to distract me with toys or funny dances, then timing how long I can stand on my sea legs.

Favorite activities: Crawling, swimming, reading books about animals, pulling grass out by the roots, going to the zoo, singing songs (or at least doing the gestures while Mommy sings), being tickled, tapping people on the shoulder and waiting for them to turn around.

I have a crush on: My Auntie Laura! She just moved from Florida to Illinois so she could spend more time with me! I am so excited to get to see her and play with her whenever I want!

Major accomplishments: Saying my first words, standing on my own, learning to "blow kisses" (although it looks like I'm slapping myself in the mouth), cutting my two front teeth, using the sign for "all done" when I'm finished eating, and--Mommy's favorite--understanding the word "no." When I start to climb up the stairs, she says "no" and I sit down. When I try to put the dog's food in my mouth, she says "no" and I stop. At music class, another boy kept crawling out of the room and down the hall, forcing his mommy to chase him. On the third try, I started to hightail it out of the room behind him. But Mommy said "no," and I stopped. I sat in the doorway for his other two escape attempts, just shaking my head "no" and thinking, "Didn't you hear my Mommy say no?" All of the other mommies in the room agreed: I am a very, very good boy.

The Ten-Month Mark

Mark Hanley, at Ten Months

The measurements: Let's be honest: I'm a bruiser. But I also don't think I've grown that much since last month, when the doctor told mom and dad that most of me is in the 70th percentile (head=95th due to big brain). They had a hard time believing that 30 percent of kids are bigger than me.

Best friends: Grass (I like to pull it out and scatter it all over me), swimming pools (fun because they are full of water for me to play in and drink), tiny plastic balls (great for rolling and banging together), books of any kind (but especially the ones where you lift a flap and an animal appears! Surprising every time!), and - best of all - doorstops (they make this really loud BBBBWWWWOOONNNGGG noise, and if you pull on them enough times the rubber stopper on the end comes off and I can try to swallow it before mom catches me).

Enemies: Solid foods. At my last checkup, the doctor gave mom and dad permission to feed me this junk. It doesn't matter that I only have those two bottom teeth (and no tops), the doctor said, because I would gum the food and swallow it, no problem. So they gave me cornbread. I crumbled it up and squished it into my hair, which was fun, but when I tried to eat it I choked and gagged. So they tried watermelon, which mom said is the closest you can get to water in a solid food. They cut it up into tiny pieces, but I still looked at them like they were insane when they put it into my mouth. Don't they know food is supposed to be mushy, not made of tiny squares? I tried to swallow, but it wouldn't go down. I gagged. I threw up. Then I cried. Mom said no more solid foods, at least until my top teeth come in. I say good riddance to bad rubbish.

Just found out about: Uncles! I just got my first one on Saturday when my Aunt Megan married Uncle Josh. I even had a front seat for the whole wedding experience because both mom and dad were in the wedding party. It was a fantastic day. My Aunt Megan looked beautiful and was very happy, and I got to meet and hang out with lots of members of my big, boisterous family. If I hadn't cashed out during the dinner, I would have also seen my mom and dad "go big" and dance the night away.

I'm not so sure about: Uncles! Mine is kind-of old, and he's always telling me lies about the Brewers being the best baseball team in the major leagues. I'm only a baby, but even I know that's not true.

Favorite activities: Crawling. Everywhere. For weeks, I had one foot sort of stuck on the other one and couldn't really get going. Then, almost overnight, I figured out the crawling thing, and now I can go wherever I want! It is great! I can roll my ball under the TV, then get under there and try to retrieve it. I can chase the dog. I can get his toys and put them in my mouth. I can find small fuzzies on the floor that my mom missed with the broom, and eat those, too. I can climb into the pantry or under the kitchen table, where I can bang on the chair legs. I can try to climb the stairs and pull up on the furniture. I can hold onto the couch and do a wobbly stand up. I can make my parents very, very tired. It is awesome.

I have a crush on: Adeline Babler. I heard her dad once pitched against Jayson Werth in the state baseball championship. Plus, I don't know any other girls who aren't my cousins. Cousins are great - I know, because I spent the weekend hanging out with LOTS of cousins - but you can't have crushes on them. It's illegal.

Major accomplishments: Crawling, pulling up on the furniture, wearing shoes for the first time, learning to shoot a slam dunk (admittedly, my basketball hoop is eight inches off the floor), saying "BA BA BA BA BA BA BA" really loud and at inconvenient times (like when we're in the library or when Grandpa Mark is trying to make a wedding toast), learning to hang up on people (although I usually use it on my grandparents - oops - instead of annoying telemarketers).

Mark of Fridays: milestones in understanding

It's official: Mark understands more words and phrases than Jack.

On Mark's scorecard: "give a kiss", "so big", "clap", "hi", "no", "Mark"

On Jack's scorecard: "no", "sit", "good boy", "ball", "Jack"

Mark's tally: 6 words/phrases.

Jack's tally: 5 words/phrases.

Mark is the champion!

However, in words spoken, they're still deadlocked. We'll keep you updated.

(And, yes, that has nothing to do with the picture.)

The nine-month Mark

Mark Hanley, at nine months

The measurements: 21 lbs, 6 oz and 28.5 inches long. That makes me... pleasantly plump? Some people who think they're oh-so-funny might say "chunky", but I think "healthy" is better. OK, sure I'm growing out of a few 12-month outfits and my feet are the size of Manute Bol's, but so what?

Best friends: Books! Shiny books, short books, books with animals, tall books and all kinds of books. I can sit and listen to mom and dad read these books for a long, long, long time. Like half an hour! Just the other day I was perusing a very interesting novella about "colors". I don't mean to spoil it if you haven't read it, but let me say this: the ending is very unexpected and yet follows logically from the one-color theme that the author established earlier in the work. I enjoyed it so much I ate the corner.

Enemies: Diaper changing. And being strapped into my high chair or stroller. Mind you, I have been getting my diaper changed for months now, and the high chair is no stranger, either. But just last week I decided that anything that holds me down--even for a minute or two--is an enemy. How dare they pin me to the floor and forbid me from kicking my legs! How dare they force me into a seat and constrain me with buckles!! Don't they know a dude's gotta move?

Just found out about: Going from sitting to laying down to sitting again and back to laying down. Taking a bath in the Big Boy Bathtub (no stupid infant tub for me!). Showing everyone how I'm SOOOOO big. Learning to say "mum mum mum"...which sounds sort-of like a word I hear a lot, and everyone (especially Mommy) gets excited when I say it. I'm not quite sure what it means yet, but I like the way it sounds. Honestly, Daddy says it's amazing how many new skills I seem to add every week. He just sits and watches me spot a toy across the room, then roll, scoot and shuffle my way over there. I grab it and sit back up. He's says something like, "This kid's amazing!" or "Just a few months ago, he couldn't hardly do anything. Look at him now!" He's very nice, but Daddy is pretty easily amused. Sometimes I sneeze peas on him while he's feeding me. He tries to look mad, but I know he's laughing. Gets him every time.

I'm not so sure about: This second tooth. The first one was kind of interesting, but how many more do I really need? Isn't this a bit redundant? Dad says if I get more teeth I can eat pizza. Is that really going to better than peas and a bottle? I have my doubts.

Favorite activities: Swimming class and music class with mommy! I'm the youngest one in both classes, but I think I might be the smartest. First of all, I don't cry. Second, I don't go for boring instruments like a dumb flute. Tambourine is where it's at! And in swimming, they want us to float toward the "safety" wall, which they mark with a rubber duckie. Seriously? I have a duckie at home in my own tub, and I've been looking at walls my whole life. I want to meet that other baby in the class! His face is so interesting. Next time I see it, I think I'll grab his nose. Again.

I have a crush on: The Outside. This is a good time to evaluate my life so far, since I've spent equal time Inside Mom's Tummy and Outside. At first, I wasn't too sure about this Outside business. Inside had a lot going for it: It was quiet. It was warm. I always had privacy. I got to be naked all the time. The umbilical cord was pretty cool - very stretchy. I could kick mom in the ribs whenever I want, which to a fetus is high-level humor. On the other hand, I didn't see much future on the Inside. I could never picture where I would set up a TV and having guests over was pretty much impossible. The Outside has a lot of attractions: Much easier to watch baseball games and ceiling fans. Don't have to eat what Mommy's eating. Room to stretch out. Books only seem to be available on the Outside. And Daddy's out here, which is pretty good. So, overall, I recommend everyone give the Outside a try. It's surprisingly fun, even though dogs lick you in the face.

Major accomplishments: Army crawled across most of the house. Learned to open drawers. Gave Stephen Strasburg a few tips on throwing a backdoor slider. Gave my dad a fantastic Father's Day present: me!

The eight-month Mark

Mark Hanley, at eight months

The measurements: Chunky, short.
Best friends: My dad says that there is nothing he's experienced that is more rewarding and enriching than when he walks into the house and I burst into a huge smile. And he says that experience is in no way diminished when he takes me into a room and I give the same thrilled reaction to a ceiling fan. The point here is: I really like fans. They're interesting, don't you think? Fascinating.

Enemies: This new thing in my mouth. It showed up about a week ago and just sits there, sticking right up out of my bottom gum. It doesn't feel all that great and it doesn't serve any purpose that I can figure. I think it even woke me up a few nights. Mom says some day it's going to help me eat pizza, so I guess I'll let it stay. But this pizza stuff better be good.

Just found out about: This is easy. Clapping. Shaking my head. Waving.

Who knew it was so easy and so cheap to be so happy? I'm sort of embarrassed that last month I was bragging about sitting up for 10 minutes. There's so much more to life than just sitting up. Why not clap your hands together? Or bang two toys together? Or bend your hand at the fingers so people know you're saying 'hello'? Or how about just shaking your head back and forth like a wild man?

I encourage you to try it! It's amazing. It's hard to imagine that six months ago I was barely smiling. I'm starting to communicate!

I'm not so sure about: Easy - clapping, shaking my head, waving.

I like all this stuff but it's still a little hard to remember which action goes with what and when. Clap when people walk in the room? Shake my head when I want more food? Oh, to live in the carefree days as a seventh month old! There was so much less to keep track of.

Favorite activities: Art class with Daddy! Two weeks ago, we had a great time. I got to put my hands in paint and then dad ran around the room, his eyes getting wider and wider while I got bluer and bluer. It was a blast! I can't wait to see what he color he paints me for Memorial Day.
I have a crush on: All my new friends! Not only did I get to meet Elaina, but I met my great aunt Maryanne, my cousin Kait, my great-uncle Roger and my great-aunt Candy. That's like a 40-percent increase in my rolodex!
Major accomplishments: The aforementioned clapping, head shaking and waving. With the support from my family, I've nearly kicked my oatmeal habit. Donated my hair to the oil rescue efforts. (And that is the reason I'm pretty much still bald.) Became an honorary smurf.

Milestones: It's about Time

Even when babies are still very small, they accomplish many "firsts" that parents never forget - little moments that remind Mom and Dad how fast they are growing up. All parents probably have similar memories of these Big Days.

There's the first time the baby stood up. (Mark hasn't done that yet.)

His first steps. (Not yet for Mark.)

His first tooth. (None for Mark yet.)

And his first words. (Exactly what have you been doing, Mark?)

Well, Wednesday was one of those Big Days for Lynne and Matt. That was day their little boy - not even 8 months old - received his very first piece of junk mail.

Yes, Time magazine would like Mark to know that for $20, he can receive a one-year subscription to this important magazine. That's a savings of $232.45! You can't afford not to subscribe!

This subscription to Time magazine will help Mark understand the latest developments in health and medicine ("Check out the latest advances in diaper rash creams!"), give him comprehensive coverage of world news and politics ("Why hasn't there been a infant president?") and serve up in-depth analysis of business trends that affect his personal finances ("Is your piggy bank reaching its earning potential?").

Of course, Lynne and Matt mailed in a check for 100 dollars, so the subscription would last at least until Mark can read.

But wait! There's more! Because he is a valued subscriber to Time, Mark has also been offered an Ultronic Laser Level. For free! What fun for a little boy!

With 10 feet of self-retracting measuring tape, Mark will always know how far away his bottle is! And with the latest in laser technology, you can be sure Mark's crib will never be out of balance. And the handy suction cups will be handy...for eating! It's the perfect gift for any baby who does moderate construction around the house. And it's free!

Thank you, Time magazine. Please put us on the list for your toddler encyclopedia collection.

The seven-month Mark

Mark Hanley, at seven months

The measurements: 20.2 pounds, but short. (A little squatty, if you must know.)

Best friends: The order goes something like this: 1 - Mommy, 2 - Jack, 2a - Daddy

Enemies: Six month olds. They are so lame. Most of them can barely sit up. That's unlike me, who can sit on my own for like 10 minutes.

Most six month olds think it is awesome to hold a ball. I can hold a ball and throw it in the air.

Six month olds don't know about object permanence. I know you didn't make my toy disappear, you just won't give it to me.

Six month olds can't understand mirrors. I know they are windows to look at the weird baby who follows me everywhere.

Six month olds have never been to a restaurant, have never left the state of Illinois and have never gone swimming. I have done all of these things and I didn't even cry.

Most six month olds stare at ceiling fans. I also stare at ceiling fans, but I can stop any time I want.

Six months olds think they are so cool. But they are so uncool.

Just found out about: Pools. Holy cow. Have you heard about these things? They're great! I just got to float around in one in Florida and it was splashtastic. True, Mom covered me with so much sunscreen the water beaded up on me, but I still very much enjoyed the experience.
I'm not so sure about: This lady at the pool, who mentioned I was "a big one." Then, she added I "don't miss too many meals." Finally, she threw in that I'm "chunky guy." What's she saying?
Favorite activities: Traveling. When I was just a naive 6-month-old, I thought Illinois had everything. How embarrassing. Illinois is great, but there's lots of states out there! At least seven. Most six months olds wouldn't understand, but I know better. I've been to Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia and Florida. Yes, it's true that on our trip to see Aunt Laura, I didn't make it out of Will County before I filled my diaper but, hey, it happens.
I have a crush on: Setting world records. Now that I'm seven and know lots of stuff, I have set several Guinness standards. Among them: sitting for more than 10 minutes; largest naturally grown toe jam collection (more than six quarts, I believe); greatest accumulation of drool (also more than six quarts. Per day.).

Major accomplishments: Went swimming. Got to be the test baby in the psychology class at Mommy's school and I passed - I can continue being a baby. Taught Mark Buerhle how to do this. Giant toe jam ball.

The six-month Mark

Mark Hanley, at six months
The measurements: 18 pounds, 12 ounces (that's more than double my birth weight!); 29 inches. For those of you keeping score at home, I'm in the 75th percentile for height and weight. And, um, ahem, the 91st percentile for head size. Thanks a lot, Dad.
Best friends: I have so many new friends! For a while it seemed like there were only Giants around here. But then a lot of Mommy and Daddy's friends suddenly found Little People, like me. Finally, someone cool to hang out with. (And I hear there might be more on the way...)
Enemies: Whoever put my soothing teething ring in the fridge next to an onion. That thing does not smell right anymore.
Just found out about: Sitting. OK, I am going to tell you this, but you have to keep it in strictest confidence because Mom and Dad are so excited. They're going on and on about how I can pretty much sit up now by myself. Here's what they don't know: I was able to sit before! I just didn't want to. Because every time I sit up, guess what I see? My feet. And when I see my feet, I can't wait to grab them! So I just fold myself in half - face to the floor - and stick those piggies in my mouth. What? That's weird? You're weird if you don't stick toes in your mouth.
I'm not so sure about: These doctors. I went for my regular check up the other day and they listed off all the things a 9-month-old baby should be able to do. Move objects from hand to hand? Check. Recognize people from across the room? Done. Eat baby food? C'mon challenge me. Roll over? Are you serious? Rolling over? Lady, I'm almost standing on my own. I have a dog. I can take off my own socks and throw them on the ground. Bring on walking!
Favorite activities: I've got this new one - babbling. Sometimes I babble such funny things I make myself laugh. Then Mom and Dad laugh. Then I laugh again. Just the other day I was telling them about the time when geegge blammulah bleebla bin! bin! nuuuuuuuu. Good times.
I have a crush on: Life! Every single day I learn so much more about what is out there, what I can do and what will make Big People smile. In just half a year, I've gone from a squishy, scarred baby who only had eyes for my bottle to a little boy who can hold things and smiles every time those babysitters come over. Mom and Dad say that if they love me this much after six months, a year is inconceivable.
Major accomplishments: The aforementioned sitting. Helped draft a significant amendment to the health care legislation. Petted the dog once.

The five-month Mark

Mark Hanley, at five months

The measurements: I weigh about 17 pounds, but I carry it well. I'm short.
Best friends: Everyone is my best friend! What's not to like? I'm cute. I smile. I wave my arms. I even fart! I like everyone! (Incidentally, it was fun to have my cousin, Kalli, hang out with me. I hope she visits again!)
Enemies: I wouldn't go so far as enemies, but I am a little tired of this winter business. Snow, cold, ice, blah, blah, blah. I'm always bundled up and they won't let me play in the backyard. What day does winter end?
Just found out about: Rolling from my back to my front. Secretly, I'm pretty sure I've been able to do it for a while, but I didn't want to show off. I mean, what's the big deal? There's no gold medals for rolling over.
I'm not so sure about: Crawling. I think I'll go straight to standing up. I'm already better at holding myself up on my legs than I am at scooting. Crawling is sooo 2009.
Favorite activities: I'm starting to like laughing, but it is tricky. Sometimes Mommy (did I mention she's great, by the way?) will tickle my sides and I'll try to laugh, but it comes out as a cough. Then, she'll tickle my armpits and I'll smile, but instead of laughing I'll say "hep hep." There's just too much to coordinate.
I have a crush on: My feet. Everything about them is fantastic. They smell funny. Great. They taste funny. Great. Sometimes they're wearing costumes that I can pull off and put in my mouth. Great. If you haven't already, you should go get some feet. Mine came with my legs.
Major accomplishments: Ate banana baby food! Rolled and rolled. Experimented with laughter.

The four-month Mark

Mark Hanley, at four months
The measurements: I weigh 15 pounds, 9 ounces, which is the 70th percentile for a 4 month old and almost double my birth weight. (All that formula goes straight to my hips.) I'm 2-foot-3/4-of-an-inch tall. That's the 50 percentile. And my head size is in the 70th percentile. It's becoming almost normal!
Best friends: I have so many! There's The Star, yellow guy, The Bee, Mr. Hoo Hat and Kung. Then there's the Dancing Snoopies and the Magic Zoo Animals. But, mostly, I just like holding a burp cloth over my face. Classic!
Enemies: The most evil, horrible, terrible, no-good, preposterous, rage-inducing garment ever invented is - without a doubt - the snow suit. It's hot. It's stuffy. It keeps me from moving. There's a zipper that goes up to my neck. I challenge anyone to put one of these on and not let out a blood-curdling scream. Go ahead. Try it. I dare you.
Just found out about: Rolling over. I had heard good reviews but I wasn't too excited. I mean, I just figured out how to lift up my big melon - why would I need to roll over? Well, I was way, way off. Rolling over is hilarious. But I should warn you: rolling over is only cool when you're going right. Rolling to the left? Not even worth the effort. And rolling from back to front? Surely, you must be kidding.
I'm not so sure about: This dad guy. He sings songs to me that don't seem to make much sense. I'm new here, so I could be wrong, but I find it hard to believe someone wrote a song that goes, "head...shoulders...smell your toes, smell your toes."
Favorite activities: Obviously, I enjoy the aforementioned rolling over. But you know what else is cool? Using rolling over to wake myself up in the night. Do you know why that's cool? Guess who comes and visits when I roll over and scream like my head's on fire? Mommy! I'm thinking about trying it every night.
Things I don't like: So, the doctors gave the OK for Mom and Dad to give me some cereal at night. What the heck is this stuff? Are you serious? Dad tried a little last night and even he was horrified. He described it as an initial burst of nothing, followed by incredible morning breath. Yum.
I have a crush on: Mommy! Need I say more? She's only the coolest lady ever.
Major accomplishments: Rolling over, eating off a spoon and pooping out of my diaper.
Also, started learning calculus. And I convinced Jay Leno to take another shot at The Tonight Show.

The three-month Mark

Mark Hanley, at three months
Best friends: Of course I love all of my family, but I'm having lots of fun with my grandmas! It's so great that they come and watch me during the day. It makes me feel like a real lady's man.
Enemies: Naperville Central High School and The Aurora Beacon-News. I know Mommy and Daddy love their jobs, but I miss them! Waaaa!
Just found out about: All these things hanging off my stomach and butt. (I think they're called 'arms' and 'legs'?) Guess what? I own those things! I can move them any which way I want. If I hear Mommy singing 'Here Comes Santa Claus' I can wave them up and down. If Dad's dancing like a monkey, I can put them in my mouth! If someone takes the bottle, I can try to grab on to it. Why didn't anyone tell me about this?!?
I'm not so sure about: This thumb thing. I've been trying it out a little, but I'd still rather try to shove my whole hand in my mouth, knuckle first. I'm sure you usually do the same thing.
Favorite activities: OK, last month I invented with smiling. That was awesome. It's working out great. Everyone's copying me. But that's sooo last month. This month, I invented giggling and making 'coo' noises. Let's see you copy that!
Things I don't like: Sleeping on my back. I know, I know - everyone in the world tells you babies are never, every supposed to sleep on their stomach, no matter what! Danger, Will Robinson, danger!
Pffft, I say. My Mom and Dad slept on his back and so did all my aunts and uncles. Sleeping on your back is for amateurs, and people who don't punch themselves in the face during slumber. When you sleep on your tummy, you can stick your whole hand in your mouth any time you want. How great is that?
I have a crush on: Sleeping through the night. Oh yeah, it is pretty sweet. From 10:30 p.m. to 7 a.m. I am in this amazing place where I can have all the bottles I can ever imagine, unlimited diaper changes and 5 million games of peekaboo. And, if I get bored with staying up during the day, I can grab another two hours of sleep. It's pretty sweet.
Major accomplishments: I can sleep for eight straight hours. I smile for an hour straight. When Mom is walking down the stairs, I can spot her from 10 feet away, every time. Plus, I spent zero-point-zero days in the hospital. Hooray!