Matt's resolutions

It's very important for a man to make resolutions. Resolutions can help a man focus his mind and his inner spirit that drives him to excel. The promises to himself give a man definable goals by which he can measure his strengths and weaknesses as well as match himself against other men.
That being said, here are Matt's 2009 resolutions:

Shoot no more than two elk
Elk have long been a nuisance in the Northern hemisphere. However, over-hunting of this majestic beast has put it on the endangered species list. Therefor, Matt resolves to shoot no more than two elk. Possibly fewer than two.

Work it
Matt has been blessed with talents such as long toes, good gardening skills and above average grooming. However, these are not gifts if they are not opened. Therefor, Matt resolves to work it.

Drive more than 450 miles in a car
Mankind's technological advancements have given humans great freedom. But the flip side of this blessing is that people can become sentient, lazy. Some have been known to stay at home for hours, or even months. Therefor, Matt resolves to travel at least 450 miles this year in his car, in an effort to broaden his personal horizons and see what the world has to offer.

Consistent blinking
Blinking is one of man's most important inventions. Did you know that eyelids are simply folds of skin, controlled by muscles that can contract so rapidly that blinking does not impair our vision?
Blinking irrigates - not irritates - the eye. The eyelid pulls moisture over the eyeball, keeping our eyeballs from drying up and falling out.
Blinking also shields our eyes. Our eyelashes serve as dust-catchers. They can also catch dirt, mosquitoes and small grapes. This keeps us from going blind or developing grape-eye.
Blinking, as you can see, is a very healthy activity. Therefor, Matt resolves to blink in every month this year.

Less troll harassment
They're there. They have those annoying beards and stupid hats. They want you to travel with them someplace and they promise to pick up your bags. All of this makes you want to kick the troll. But the trolls have feelings. And the trolls have bones, which can break. Therefor, Matt resolves to reduce his troll kicking by 45 percent this year.

Have the Mets not blow it right at the end of the season
The last two seasons have seen the Mets collapse in awful, historic and humiliating ways. The Mets have taken some steps to resolving some of these problems - signing Francisco Rodriguez - but Matt notes that their starting pitching still stinks, except for Santana. However, it would be disheartening for Mets fans to watch the team once again fall on their oversized Mr. Met head. Therefor, Matt resolves for the Mets not to choke in the final weeks of the 2009 baseball season.

We'll check back in on the Matt's progress later in the year.