So, here's the great irony in preparing to ask The Big Question. You want this person to trust you. You want them to want to spend the rest of their life with you. You want to "cement the relationship," as Matt once so eloquently said.
But in the weeks leading up to The Big Question, you - or, in this case, Matt - tell lie after lie after lie. After fib. After half-truth. After fiction...
"Work was awful today, Lynne. I was there so late. They're slave drivers!" (Actual activity: Matt telling his parents The Big News.)
"They're keeping me here late again today. Darn bosses." (Really: Matt making sure that Lynne's parents are OK with his occasionally odd, but always well-intentioned, behavior.)
"I've got to go to Walgreens for toothpaste. Right now. No, that's not weird." (In real life: Getting ring cleaned.)
"I'll take Jack, the dog who likes to bite me, for a walk." (Honestly: Matt getting ice cream. It's stressful lying so much!)
Anyhow, there were all sorts of tasks that had to be done before The Big Question was laid out there, so a lot of time was spent hustling around, then trying to come up with intricate lies that didn't intersect or conflict with previous lies.
It was sort of awful doing so many things that were All About Lynne, and she had no part in any of them.
But, now the lies are over. Truly. Matt swears. On the life of former Red Sox catcher Carlton Fisk.
Ahem.
Above, a liar who does not share his ice cream.
So, you probably want to know how Matt asked The Big Question. Well, it was a crafty scheme all the way, if Matt does say so himself. (Which he does, because Lynne isn't typing any of this.)
The goal was to take Lynne out on a canoe trip since she loves to be outdoors and Matt and Lynne first met on canoes (a story for another post). So, after hiding The Ring (originally Lynne's grandmother's) in a zipped pocket, in a Zip-Lock bag, inside a Q-Tip box (don't ask, Matt's paranoid) they shoved off into the Fox River.
Here's Lynne and Matt before leaving - she suspects nothing. But eagle-eyed readers can already see the streams of sweat drenching Matt's first three layers of shirts.
Matt was ready to find the most romantic spot on the 8 mile stretch. In his sights were a series of three islands the guide had mentioned were good places to get out and hike around.
First island: too soon. They'd only been paddling 15 minutes. Matt needed to get his heart rate down.
Second island: too rocky. Deemed, by Matt, too hard to dock a canoe. Also, the heart rate thing.
Third island: perfect! Matt's ready. He's checking access to The Ring, preparing The Words, looking for a non-muddy place to kneel.
Lynne says she doesn't want to stop. She wants to keep going.
What to do? What to do? Don't want to risk a fight. Keep paddling. Heart rate way up.
Now, Matt is scouring the shore for a really, really romantic spot. There must be song birds, skywriters, maybe Tom Jones singing in a bush somewhere.
But it's private property.
Or a pontoon boat is going by loudly.
Or Lynne thinks a rock on shore looks like a scary face. Bad omen.
Suddenly, Lynne and Matt reach the only known mile marker on the river: a bridge at 5-1/2 miles. Matt is really sweating now. They got here much faster than he planned! Panic! Danger Will Robinson! Danger! 
Then, ahead, a rocky outcropping at a bend in the river. Matt is full speed ahead. "Lynne, I gotta stretch out my back." Hurry. Paddle! Let's go! (Lynne, interior: "He must have to go to the bathroom.")
Lynne and Matt find a place to pull over.
Lynne: "It's too muddy here. I'm sinking."
Matt: Just get up on the rocks!
"These are new shoes."
Get on the rocks, let's go.
"Is the boat going to float away?'
It's fine, hon. Just go. We don't need a boat.
"Matt, what is this? Leaves of three."
Just don't step in it; you'll be fine. (Matt, interior: "Need a place to kneel, place to kneel, place to kneel. Don't want to sink into mud when I kneel; bad karma.)
At this point, Matt is practically dragging Lynne over fallen trees, discarded coolers, slippery rocks, until they find The Perfect Spot. (Except that later an apple did fall on Lynne's head, with no permanent damage occurring.)
Matt: "Cough. Ahem. Cough. So, this is a pretty good adventure."
Lynne: "Um, yeah."
Matt: "Want to go on another adventure? A long one? A really good one?"
Lynne: "Uhh." (interior: "Oh my god. This is really happening. He finally got his act together.")
Now, this is a tip for those of you planning to propose while canoeing. It will be very tempting - possibly even excruciatingly enticing - to use a funny proposal line. It's understandable. For instance, you consider:
- Dear, would you like to paddle down the river of life with me?
- Honey, it's sink or swim time. If I throw the life preserver of love, will you pull me in?
- Cutie pie, I don't want you to be the one that got away. Can I reel you in? (This one only applies if you're also fishing off the canoe.)
- Sweetheart, I can get married. Canoe?
Resist the urge to say these things. Matt did.
He wasn't nervous until the last possible second and then he flubbed through the lines, the main point being: He would be incredibly proud, extremely honored and happy beyond comprehension if Lynne would agree to marry him. You know what she said. (A stunned and happy yes.)
Ironically, while they were sitting there talking about all the things that led up to The Big Question, (Lynne: "Oh, I get it - we're on a canoe.") at least three times an airplane buzzed no more than 150 feet over their head. Later, Lynne couldn't even remember hearing it. She must have been too worried about the poison ivy.
Here's Lynne and Matt at the end of the more-interesting-than-usual canoe trip. Does Lynne look happier? Or just in shock?
Apparently, somewhere along the river, Matt's long sleeved shirt melted completely off his body. And he said he wasn't nervous.
Also, please notice the subtle homage to American Gothic. It's very subtle.
But, there was one surprise left: a party with some friends. Matt and Lynne will post more about that later. Right now, they have caterers to haggle over icing prices with.
It's about time we introduced the best looking people in the wedding. Yesterday, you met the flower girl. Now it's time to meet the ring bearer, Lawrence Hawley Jr.
