Honeymoon Adventures V: Rum and piranhas

July 19 marked one week of married life, and Lynne was still more or less tolerating Matt's monkeyshines. (That's foreshadowing.) But there were still more pictures of her sleeping to be taken. (Also foreshadowing.)
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The day started with breakfast at 7 a.m. In the lodge, they called meal time with a jungle drum. Bum-bum-bump-bum-bum. That meant it was time for sweet pepper omelets and tasty brown bread. Lynne and Matt were still avoiding the fruit and fruit juices, which was driving Lynne absolutely crazy. But it was better than spending the honeymoon in the bathroom.

After breakfast, the group piled into a boat and headed up the Amazon to Yanamoto Medical Clinic. Although the stay was brief, this easily made Lynne and Matt's list of favorite stops. The clinic was run by Linnette Smith, a doctor from Wisconsin who came to the Amazon as a tourist, saw a need for medical help, and never left.
Essentially, people who live on the Amazon River have no access to the medical services that we take for granted. Helicopters don't land there in emergencies. The only medical clinic is in Iquitos - a two hour trip up river by speedboat, a luxury none of the regular have people. In other words: good luck getting to the hospital after you cut your leg with a machete. Which happens a lot, in the Amazon.
When Linnea Smith opened her "clinic", she had no vaccines, no latex gloves. The residents had no information on family planning and many of them believed in mixing local shaman treatments with, or substituting for, modern medicine. (It isn't unheard of for women to have dozens of children, and it isn't uncommon for them to have multiple children from one family die before they turn five.) Oh, and Dr. Smith had only watched a few baby deliveries before she arrived, never done it herself. Did we mention she had to be dentist, too? For some reason, she stuck it out.
Lynne and Matt's visit was rushed because other patients were coming by canoe to the clinic. For the first time - but not the last - Lynne and Matt started to understand that some of the things Americans assume are necessities - like sterilized hospitals - are actually luxuries. Matt later bought Dr. Smith's book La Doctora, which was especially interesting because he could picture what she was writing about.

After the doctor's office, the group headed to a rum factory, which was fascinating in a completely different way. The rum is produced by squeezing sugarcane through a huge press turned by a old, broken-down horse. At this rum factory owned by "Don" Hernando Gerra, the press had been there since the 1880s, and it still ran just fine. (At the least the horse wasn't complaining.)
Don Guerra ran his own bar and must have been quite wealthy for the area, since he sent all his daughters to school in Iquitos. He let the group sample his rums: pure sugar cane rum (ugh), molasses rum (a slightly less ugh), rum with ginger (almost palatable) and a "seven roots" rum that Don Guerra called "Viagra Rum," which everyone thought was hilarious although Matt couldn't figure out why. (It was OK.)

A quick note: It was entirely unclear how anyone knew how to get to any of these places. Although you could often see homes on the shore of the Amazon, there were no signs marking what was what. Raul, the guide, somehow knew how far to go, and when to turn on to tributaries that were as wide as the Fox River, but could barely be seen from the middle of the Amazon. And, to think, Matt gets lost on a well-marked highway, with a GPS, and Lynne.

After the rum factory, everyone headed to Explornapo Lodge, where they would spend two nights. It's not the most primitive lodge in the Explorama chain, but it was a "step down" from the first place. Rooms were even more basic - just the two beds, a book case and a sheet for a window. (A bat flew into one person's room.) The bathrooms were standard outhouses. Although they weren't very smelly, the men had to share the room with a parrot. (Click on the picture on the right and look in the upper left hand corner.) The showers were in another building and they were stone cold.

The group arrived around 10:45 a.m. and had free time. There was lots of free time on this trip, but nowhere to go. (You can't just wander through the jungle, although Matt wanted to.) During this time, Lynne and Matt would head straight for the hammock huts, perhaps mankind's greatest inventions. (Along with portable toilets and Diet Coke.) At the Explornapo hammock hut, the visitors were joined by Raul I, II and III - three jungle chickens who seemed to really like Matt, and Charlie, a giant jungle rodent who was incredibly friendly.

After lunch (pineapple chicken, rice and corn), it was time for piranha fishing. That's right FISHING FOR DEADLY, MAN-EATING PIRANHAS!! This is one of those experiences Matt couldn't wait for. While there would be more breath-taking and spectacular adventures on the trip, fishing for piranhas is one of those handy little phrases to have in your pocket at parties, like "sky diving" and "hiking the Grand Canyon".

Partygoer One: "I am having a really interesting month. I organized over 200 T.P.S. reports and I shoveled the driveway twice. What'd you do?"
Matt: "Who me? Oh, not much, I guess. I was just pulling MAN-EATING DEADLY KILLER PIRANHAS OUT OF THE AMAZON RIVER!!"
Partygoer One: Stunned silence.

Anyhow, back in reality, the piranha fishing. Raul navigated down an Amazon tributary, until he found an obscure spot under a random tree that he assured the group would be good for piranha fishing. As usual, he was right.
The fishing poles were basic: a stick, with fishing wire tied to a metal hook - no reel. The hook was baited with raw, bloody beef.
The fishing technique was equally simple. First, you'd splash the end of your pole on top of the water to simulate something falling in. Next, toss in the meat and wait for a nibble. Hooking the fish was the trick. When you felt the bite, you had to yank up on the pole as quickly as possible. Unlike fishing for bass, where the fish bites into the hook, you were basically trying to snag the nearby fish by yanking the hook into him.
Lynne caught one, but he slipped off the hook before she could haul him in. (Which was just fine, really, because she was terrified. Of a fish.) But Matt....well, after a few tries Matt caught A MAN-EATING BLOOD-THIRSTY DEADLY PIRANHA WITH HIS BARE HANDS!!! Wait, no. Not with his bare hands. On the pole. But indeed Matt snagged a red-bellied piranha, which Raul said are the most aggressive. And what reason did anyone have to doubt him? But, to prove his point, Raul unhooked the piranha and held Matt's fish up to another piranha that someone else had been caught. Matt's piranha - which by now had been out of the water for at least a minute - kept eating the other fish. Crazy. It was easily the most manly moment in Matt's life. (Although, to be clear, the competition for that consisted of mostly cross country races and sort of yelling at a state representative once.)

After the piranha fishing, Raul took the group to a "black lake." These are formed when the river, which is snaking back and forth, finally breaks off and forms a lake. A black U-shaped lake is left in the middle of the jungle. The lake is deep black from the acids in the trees. Without any wind, it's still and blazing hot out there. Raul slowly, silently paddled everyone along the lake and pointed out three-toed sloths and tropical birds. Matt took some pictures of the sloth, but when they got home the pictures looked like, "Hey a tree!" And, "Another tree! Great!"

Finally, it was back to the lodge where for dinner Matt ate MAN-EATING PIRANHAS!!! Really, this time. Raul grilled up the piranhas that were caught that night and served them up. But no one besides Matt wanted to taste the fish. Maybe it was because the eyes and teeth were still attached?
The piranha tasted pretty good - like salmon - but there wasn't much meat there. I guess Matt neglected to mention that these piranhas were not even as big as his hand. (Didn't sound as manly.) But Matt tried it, which amazed Lynne because Matt won't eat chicken soup. (He has a ban on all floating food.)

Day Five Summary: Three toes on sloths; two caught piranhas, one escaped; zero flights; one Wisconsin doctor in the Amazon; four rum samples

Mustache: Annoying. At this point, it should be noted that Lynne was beginning to hate The 'Stache and actively campaining for it's destruction

Weird foods eaten: Water buffalo, piranha (Matt only)

Coming next: Walking above the trees and a beating from a Shaman

Note: If you read this earlier and noticed the typos, sorry! It posted too early, accidentally.