On the 362nd day of Christmas...

Matt is trying to put together The Ultimate Christmas Album. Don't get excited - it's not going to be a gift for anyone other than himself. It's just that Matt is sick of the lame-o, sappy Christmas music they play on The Lite all day.

Where's the Red Baron? Pretty little dolly? Japanese Transistor Radio?

Here's what Matt has on his list so far:

"(It Must Have Been Ol') Santa Claus" by Harry Connick Jr. (Great song, but why do they make part of the title parenthetical? Matt never understood that.)

"Santa Claus is Coming To Town" by Bruce Springsteen (Next time you see Mr. and Mrs. Hanley, ask them about a little Matt rocking out to this song.)

"You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch" by Thurl Ravenscroft ('Your heart is full of unwashed socks, Your soul is full of gunk' - only a guy named Thurl Ravenscroft could come up with lyrics that fantastic.)

"Run, Rudolph Run" by Chuck Berry (Rock and roll Christmas. "Jingle Bell Rock" would work, too.)

"The Christmas Song" as sung by Nat King Cole (Sorry, Velvet Fog, Nat's the classic)

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" as sung by Judy Garland (So wonderful, so sad?)

"White Christmas" by Bing Crosby (Tree tops glisten, and children liiisten...)

"Santa Baby" by Kylie Minogue (Matt can't decide if he likes this song, or if it's dirty.)

"Jingle Bells" by Barbara Streisand (Megan and Matt used to - well, still - love this song)

"Gimme gimme take take" from the Cabbage Patch Christmas (Would you even bother having Christmas without it?

"I'll Be Home for Christmas" by Bing Crosby (Matt's favorite Christmas song of all time - really!)

"Baby, it's Cold Outside" by Dean Martin and Martina McBride

"Happy Xmas" by John Lennon and Yoko Ono (Did you notice they wish Merry Christmas to their kids at the beginning of the song?)

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives (Eastern Illinois' finest - sorry Tony Romo - delivers the happiest Christmas song of all.)

"Silent Night" sung in church at midnight mass (Best Christmas memories.)

"Dominick the Donkey" by Lou Monte (What would Christmas be without it?)

What's Matt missing? Post your suggestions below.

Or if you'd rather just daydream, here's an excerpt from a column Matt wrote for the Beacon News the day after Christmas 2005, about what happens in Part II of your favorite Christmas carols.

On the 13th Day of Christmas, from Aurora Beacon News

by Matt Staff Writer

I admit there's a sick, tiny part of me that wants a one-day extension. For today only, the radio stations would be filled with post-Christmas songs that finally tell us what happened to all our favorite Yuletime characters.

And since no one's written the songs - and I have as much musical talent as a dead mouse - I'll just throw out some suggestions for the Christmas Day Plus One Musical Mix.

Send me a candy cane if you a make million off any of these:

[] "Grandma got rehabilitative surgery" This song will not only include instructions on how to get hoof print stains out of a heavy wool sweater, but also provide handy tips on co-pay insurance.

Suggested lyric: "Now you may say there's no such thing as health care, and as for Grandpa and I, we believe."

[] "I got a hippopotamus for Christmas" An otherwise happy home is ruined when a little girls' ambitious Christmas wish actually comes true, teaching her an important lesson: Don't wish for anything bigger than a bison.

[] "Mommy v. Santa, case 05L1225" After Santa Claus gets a little frisky under the mistletoe, he finds himself facing a sexual harassment suit in civil court. Song could include testimony from a young boy who accidentally witnessed what prosecutors are calling a "below the beard tickle".

[] "Drummer boy" The Christmas drummer gets his garage band shut down by his subdivision's noise ordinance.

[] "Do you hear what I hear?" Lyrics: "Said the night wind to the little lamb, 'Do you see what I see?' Over at Target, little lamb; X-Boxes are half off. A deal, a deal, shining in the store, I can't believe what they charged me the day before."

[] "Frosty the puddle" What did you think happens in August?

Rebel weeds in No Man's Lawn

You know how since most people don't have a fence in their front yard, there's really no way to tell exactly where to stop cutting the grass? Instead, you have to just eyeball the property line and base your cut on whether you want to claim a few more feet for your baseball diamond or lose a few feet so you don't have to empty the bag again.

That little imaginary and discretionary strip of grass is No Man's Lawn.

Matt noticed that at Lynne's house there were some weeds growing between her house and the attached house. These were hearty weeds, weeds that broke through cement, weeds on the margins. Matt even thought he saw one of them smoking a cigarette once, or maybe skateboarding. But Matt could never be sure.

And while Lynne and her Bulgarian neighbors weed the heck out of everyplace else, these rebel weeds were left alone. Even as the three mighty weeds grew tall and flowered they remained, untouched. For they grew in No Man's Lawn, on the border of Seagoville and Neighborlonia.

As you can see in the important documentary picture posted above, these weeds even managed to survive into the winter. (Look in the bottom right, covered by a little snow.) Now it appears Mama Nature will be the one who finally settles this battle until next year.

But wait! What's that? A new debate rages!

Who will clear that foot-wide patch of snow between the two attached driveways? Who dares bring a shovel into Snow Man's Land?

Stay tuned for more exciting updates and surveillance photos.

An (almost) Amazingly Great Adventure

Sorry for the layoff from updates, but Matt wasn’t feeling well. There was snot…well, you really don’t want a description.

OK, so here's some news. Lynne and Matt were going to try out for the Amazing Race on Saturday. (Known, locally as “The Great Race”.) The Race is a great show. People travel all over the world and there’s a minimum of infighting and pettiness, for a reality show.
It’s also basically the only show Lynne and Matt watch, except for the occasional American Idol or Antiques Roadshow. Each week, Lynne and Matt speculate: “Which detour would you pick?” (The one without goats.) and “Who would do this roadblock?” (Matt does the ones that require running or patience; Lynne does the ones that require problem solving or smarts.)

Anyhow last week Lynne and Matt were watching The Race when they noticed a little ad.
“Have you ever wanted to be on the Amazing Race? Come down to Champion Windows in Elmhurst where you can try out between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m.” And so on...

Travel the world on someone else’s dime? That sounded about perfect to Lynne and Matt. And Lynne and Matt would obviously win the $1 million prize, since they’ve already developed fool-proof plan for winning the Race:
- Never take directions from someone who is talking in slow motion. Inevitably, they will turn out to be wrong.
- If your partner is a little person, no problem. But if that is the case, do not stand on the little person’s shoulders when you need to reach something high. That makes no sense.
- No matter what is happening, this is the not the worst day of your life ever, or the worst person you’ve ever met in your entire life, ever. It can’t be, since you said the same thing last week. So, stop whining and start running!
- Avoid obstinate camels. (Applies to Merediths only.)
- Finally, if you're an old man and you have to jump across a muddy river, do not strip down to your underwear. There is absolutely no reason being in your tightie whities will help you vault a mud river. Seriously, that makes no sense.

The next season is likely going to be taped before The Big Day, but while Lynne was still in school. She wasn’t sure about trying out, but Matt said: “What the heck? It’ll be a fun thing and we can always turn them down later.”
(It should be noted here that Matt’s an old hand at The Race. He and his college roommate Nathaniel, seen at right, actually tried out for The Race a few years back and made it to the interview round. But they weren’t controversial enough and didn’t have pink hair so they didn’t make it any further. )

Anyhow, Lynne and Matt printed out the THIRTEEN PAGE questionnaire, spent the night filling it out and planned to get to Elmhurst by 9:30 am. Plenty of time, right? I mean, who even watches this show? (That’s called foreshadowing, kids.)
Lynne and Matt got to Elmhurst around 9:45 a.m. It’s freezing. Like, cows spitting out milkshakes cold. Not only that, but there’s a pretty darn long line. Probably 80 people lined up to the doors.
Lynne says, “Do you want to stay?”
Matt does not want to stay. He is cold. And the line is long. But he thinks: What would Phil do? The Race wants to weed out the people who won’t stand in line just because it’s cold. They want to cast off the weaklings. A little cold is nothing compared to opening 590 Chinese locks, smashing 3,000 plates or tuning a classical piano.
Matt grins and says, “Sure, let's stay.”
So….then, after a while, people start coming out of the store. Oh that’s right, there's a line inside the store, too. And, at 11 a.m., the first people are coming out of their taped interviews. People who got to the store at 3 a.m. Three o’clock in the morning! Maniacs!

Lynne and Matt are then told that inside the store there are people who have Number 220. And the people coming out - after an hour - were number 40. Meanwhile, Lynne and Matt are nowhere near getting inside. But Lynne is still smiling and cute and really wants to try out because it’s an adventure. And Matt tries to be tough. Phil would be tough.
But the one thing that Matt learned from The Race is this: you got to know when to bail out of a challenge that’s going nowhere. Let’s say you’ve just unrolled 112 bales of hay, or eaten 456 Belgian cookies, or milked a cow for three hours, or you’re screaming at a donkey, but you still can't find the Fast Forward. Sometimes you’ve got to try the other detour. You may have to shave your head or paint an Indian goddess, but hey, Phil will still be there in the end.

So Lynne and Matt gave up. Matt thawed out. (And then got sick! See how it came full circle?)
And rather than a great TV story, maybe you’ll enjoy some of the answers to the truly stupid questions The Race puts on the try-out forms. Let’s just say that Matt got a little bored/offended by some of the questions and didn’t give max effort. Perhaps, Lynne vs. Matt’s answers will shed some light on this relationship.
There’s a bunch of standard, name, occupation questions, and then…

What famous person reminds you of yourself?
Lynne: Blank. (Considered putting Hillary Clinton, since she’s smart and successful.)
Matt: “Met Ott. Both have last names that would work well in crossword puzzles.”

What is your biggest pet peeve about your partner?
Lynne: “He takes a long time to make decisions.” (True!)
Matt: “Her hair is everywhere. It haunts me. It’s on my coat, in my car - even when I haven’t seen her for days.”

What is your opinions of foreigners?
Lynne: “They have life experiences different than mine, so they are people I can learn from.”
Matt: “I don’t like people from Indiana, if that’s what you mean. I’m fine with everyone else.”

Describe your perfect day.
Lynne: “Waking up in a place I’ve never visited before, then spend the day with Matt seeing historical sites, meeting new people and trying new foods.”
Matt: “Wednesday.”

What are your phobias?
Lynne: “Scorpions. Irrational, but true.”
Matt: “Fear of questionnaires. Aaaaaaaaahh!!!”

What are your favorite topics of conversation at a dinner party? What topics are off limits?
Lynne: “Favorite: Books. Off limits: The details of child birth (ew).”
Matt: “Journalism, politics and baseball are good topics; I will not talk about decapitation.”

Well, Great Race you missed out on those Great Answers. Maybe next time.

Speaking of wedded bliss...

Well, it's a few days late, but we here at the Lynne and Matt blog wanted to wish Diane and Mark Hanley a very happy 30th wedding anniversary!

30 years! Wow! That's a lot for Lynne and Matt to live up to, but they promise to give it their best shot.

To great parents, better role models and even better friends, all the best wishes! We love you both very much.

Love, Matt and Lynne

p.s. Nice tux, Dad!

Thank you very much

Some things Matt is thankful for on this Thanksgiving, 2007:

Matt is thankful for having a wonderful family. Specifically, Matt is blessed to have a mom and dad who have supported him, encouraged him and loved him. And a sister who always makes him proud, even though she recently admitted she thought Matt's room smelled throughout high school. (It was the running clothes!)

Come to think of it, Matt is thankful that his future in-laws (wow, that's first time he's actually said that- nice!) appear to think he's an all right guy. And everyone gets along, which is a blessing.

Matt's thankful for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Giant Snoopy's are cool.

Matt is thankful Ron Zook can recruit, water ski and coach a little, too. (See you in Arizona!)

Matt is thankful for good news for good friends. Mark and Katie are going to have a little second baseman. Congrats - it couldn't happen to nicer people.

Matt is thankful for good health.

Matt is thankful for vending machines. Otherwise, how would he eat lunch?

Matt is thankful for his mom's mashed potatoes and pizza and barbecue chicken and meatloaf and Irish soda bread and baked macaroni...

Matt is thankful for great books, great movies and great music.

Matt is thankful that Alex's house did not burn up in the California fires. That would have been bad.

Matt is thankful that this year he got to see Tom Glavine's 300th win and the 500th career homer by Jim Thome (aka Buzz Lightyear). It was once-in-a-lifetime amazing.

Furthermore, Matt is thankful that no one remembers what happened to the Mets this season. Ahem.

Matt is thankful that he works at a great newspaper, with great people. Matt doesn't forget that not everyone has a job, and even if they do, not everybody loves their work. And yet, Matt is thankful that he has today off.

Matt is thankful that he remembered to deodorize both arms this morning. That's progress. (Everyone else is thankful, too.)

Matt is thankful for his Aunt Nancy and Uncle Tom, hosting another great family feast. At the same time, Matt is thankful that he can totally rock at Guitar Hero.

Matt is thankful that his Dad did not get stuck in New Jersey. Instead he was home to get beat unmercifully in Phase 10!

Matt is thankful that he's been running more lately. It feels good.

Matt is thankful for Jones Soda. Mmmm, carbonated latke.

Oh yeah, and Matt is thankful that Lynne said yes!

Told you there was a duck!

So, you thought Matt was just being funny. Nope.

There really was a bear cage and there really was a cement duck.

Makes you wonder - is Matt really wearing a cowboy hat in the engagement photo?

Only the shadow knows....

Yo, where the party at?

Well, the important updates just keep coming: Matt and Lynne have chosen a place for the reception!

After the beautiful ceremony at Woodridge United Methodist Church, everyone will head over to Soldier Field for an all-night party at the home of the Monsters of the Midway! Unbelievable, right? Indeed, it is unbelievable.

The reception will actually be held at the Holiday Inn Select in Naperville. (see map)

The Holiday Inn not only features windows, but also parking.

You can watch a movie of the reception hall here, although obviously it's going to look a lot different with a bride, groom and 2,540 guests in there.

(If it helps, you can watch a movie of the Holiday Inn rooms here. )

There's also a block of rooms reserved at the Best Western in Naperville. The rooms are bit cheaper and the hotel is only across the street.

So, that pretty much wraps it up. Pictures, church, hall, dress, bride, groom...yep, seems like Lynne and Matt have covered all the bases.
Just seven months of relaxing now!