Mark of Fridays: Yum

Carrots are great!

Oatmeal is great!

Peaches are great!

Pears are great!

Applesauce is great!

Spinach is great!

Peas stink.

Milestones: It's about Time

Even when babies are still very small, they accomplish many "firsts" that parents never forget - little moments that remind Mom and Dad how fast they are growing up. All parents probably have similar memories of these Big Days.

There's the first time the baby stood up. (Mark hasn't done that yet.)

His first steps. (Not yet for Mark.)

His first tooth. (None for Mark yet.)

And his first words. (Exactly what have you been doing, Mark?)

Well, Wednesday was one of those Big Days for Lynne and Matt. That was day their little boy - not even 8 months old - received his very first piece of junk mail.

Yes, Time magazine would like Mark to know that for $20, he can receive a one-year subscription to this important magazine. That's a savings of $232.45! You can't afford not to subscribe!

This subscription to Time magazine will help Mark understand the latest developments in health and medicine ("Check out the latest advances in diaper rash creams!"), give him comprehensive coverage of world news and politics ("Why hasn't there been a infant president?") and serve up in-depth analysis of business trends that affect his personal finances ("Is your piggy bank reaching its earning potential?").

Of course, Lynne and Matt mailed in a check for 100 dollars, so the subscription would last at least until Mark can read.

But wait! There's more! Because he is a valued subscriber to Time, Mark has also been offered an Ultronic Laser Level. For free! What fun for a little boy!

With 10 feet of self-retracting measuring tape, Mark will always know how far away his bottle is! And with the latest in laser technology, you can be sure Mark's crib will never be out of balance. And the handy suction cups will be handy...for eating! It's the perfect gift for any baby who does moderate construction around the house. And it's free!

Thank you, Time magazine. Please put us on the list for your toddler encyclopedia collection.

Mark of Fridays: Happy Birthday Grandma Diane!

Or is that supposed to be: Happy Birthday, Nana! I can never remember.

Christmas, by m.e.hanley

The Christmas poem
by m.e.hanley

Christmas is a time of joy,
For every little girl and boy.
Giving everyone a present,
Always being pleasant.
Hoping that Santa comes,
Having over all my chums.
Musical notes fill the air,
Hope we don't get underwear.
Santa bringing presents in his sleigh,
That's what happens on Christmas Day.

Editor's note: Here is the final poem from a recently discovered early works of the little-respected poet and Diet Coke aficionado, m.e.hanley. This fifth poem focuses on Christmas. Again, the poet relies on uneven, almost nonsensical rhyming patterns to convey a sense of unbalance to the reader. It's as if the poet is forcing us to look again at our holidays to see if there is not something unsettling.
Using the ironic "joy" to open, the poet exposes the cynical underbelly of Christmas: the consumerism, the Socialist drive to give "everyone a present", the clanging musical notes that contribute to noise pollution.
Many experts focus in on the sixth line of the poem. Here, the main character is hanging around with his "chums." Is the poet referring to his male friends - an exclusive group of privileged male Ubermensch? Or is he referring to the the salmon native to the northern Pacific and adjacent waterways? Either way, the image is disturbing.
But it does not end there. In this poem, even gifts must meet rigid standards: no underwear allowed. And Santa brings presents not on Christmas Eve while children sleep, but on Christmas Day, undoubtedly to expose the fraud that has been wrought by our greed.

We hope you have enjoyed these poems that we were pained to present. Who knows what other literary treasures will be uncovered in the next three ring binder?

The seven-month Mark

Mark Hanley, at seven months

The measurements: 20.2 pounds, but short. (A little squatty, if you must know.)

Best friends: The order goes something like this: 1 - Mommy, 2 - Jack, 2a - Daddy

Enemies: Six month olds. They are so lame. Most of them can barely sit up. That's unlike me, who can sit on my own for like 10 minutes.

Most six month olds think it is awesome to hold a ball. I can hold a ball and throw it in the air.

Six month olds don't know about object permanence. I know you didn't make my toy disappear, you just won't give it to me.

Six month olds can't understand mirrors. I know they are windows to look at the weird baby who follows me everywhere.

Six month olds have never been to a restaurant, have never left the state of Illinois and have never gone swimming. I have done all of these things and I didn't even cry.

Most six month olds stare at ceiling fans. I also stare at ceiling fans, but I can stop any time I want.

Six months olds think they are so cool. But they are so uncool.

Just found out about: Pools. Holy cow. Have you heard about these things? They're great! I just got to float around in one in Florida and it was splashtastic. True, Mom covered me with so much sunscreen the water beaded up on me, but I still very much enjoyed the experience.
I'm not so sure about: This lady at the pool, who mentioned I was "a big one." Then, she added I "don't miss too many meals." Finally, she threw in that I'm "chunky guy." What's she saying?
Favorite activities: Traveling. When I was just a naive 6-month-old, I thought Illinois had everything. How embarrassing. Illinois is great, but there's lots of states out there! At least seven. Most six months olds wouldn't understand, but I know better. I've been to Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia and Florida. Yes, it's true that on our trip to see Aunt Laura, I didn't make it out of Will County before I filled my diaper but, hey, it happens.
I have a crush on: Setting world records. Now that I'm seven and know lots of stuff, I have set several Guinness standards. Among them: sitting for more than 10 minutes; largest naturally grown toe jam collection (more than six quarts, I believe); greatest accumulation of drool (also more than six quarts. Per day.).

Major accomplishments: Went swimming. Got to be the test baby in the psychology class at Mommy's school and I passed - I can continue being a baby. Taught Mark Buerhle how to do this. Giant toe jam ball.

Mark of Fridays: Play Ball!, part II *

To follow up on a previous post, the correct answer was:

Pumped for the White Sox,

Cautiously optimistic about the Cubs,

Emphatically resigned to the Mets,

Horrified by the Brewers...

...and thrilled about baseball!

* Editor's note: Hey, we already used that other picture!

The stranger, by m.e.hanley

Editor's note: We present the fourth of five poems from the recently uncovered collection of wholly despised poet, m.e.hanley. This poem - dubbed "the stranger" by scholars - is the shortest of hanley's poems. In many ways, it is also the most inaccessible.
Without a doubt this poem has sparked almost tens of debates among experts. What does the hooded stranger represent? The collective unconscious? The 1950s Communist witch hunts? The designated hitter? Advocates have spent nearly minutes arguing their point of view.

The accompanying art work - a stranger in a cloak on one side, a deformed horse on the other - only intensifies the mystery.
Finally, we again caution readers with heart conditions as well as those drinking cups of coffee. Surprise endings could result in complete heart failure or spit takes.

The stranger poem
by m.e.hanley

Who is the man who lives here?
Everyone has this fear,
That he is not good.
Just because he wears a hood.
That must be a lie,
After all, it is I.