What happens on this post, stays on this post

Did you hear that Lynne and Matt had their bachelor and bachelorette parties? Yep, on May 24 - the day after Matt filmed with Johnny Depp overnight - Lynne and Matt celebrated their dwindling singlehood.
Very little information is available on either of these events. Here's what is known:

Both Matt and Lynne attended the same White Sox v. Angels game (sadly a 2-0 loss for the Sox, although Vlad the Impaler did go deep, which was sweet!)

Lynne sat somewhere along the third-base line, assumedly so she could have a closer look at her other true love, Mr. Joe Crede. (Lynne should write her own posts if she wants the correct facts out there.) Afterwards, the ladies went to Howl at the Moon, a piano bar in downtown Chicago.

Little else is known about the activities of that night, except some photos have surfaced.

...

Troubling. Very troubling.

Sadly, no pictures exist of Matt's bachelor party. That is a shame. The experience will have to be re-created with words.

So, what did the guys do?

Well, first they went to the baseball game, where everyone drank CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKES and FRUIT SMOOTHIES. Even Matt's Uncle Jim bought some of the guys LEMONADES. Everyone had a great time at the game, though by the end a few of them were a little TIRED OF BEING AWAY FROM THEIR WIVES AND CHILDREN. Still, everyone agreed, CHILDREN AND WIVES ARE GREAT.

From there it was off to a strange little PARK in the Old Towne neighborhood. At the PARK, everyone had burgers and more LEMONADE. Some people even did BIG SIPS of LEMONADE.

Then, all the guys went to a DOCUMENTARY FILM FESTIVAL where they watched some really funny MOVIES about HISTORY, SUNSHINE and GIRAFFES. There, everyone had some more WATER. Alex was very HAPPY! Everyone enjoyed at the DIRECTOR'S take on HOW SPECIAL WOMEN ARE. It made everyone THINK.

When the show was over, everyone was good and JOYOUS, so they went to another PARK, where they watched some Ultimate HISTORY CHANNEL. Eventually, one of the guys kicked the other guy so hard he SMILED. Everyone at the bachelor party THOUGHT ABOUT THEIR WIVES - OR FUTURE WIVES - AND HOW LUCKY THEY ARE TO HAVE MET THEM.

Finally, it was time to call it a night, so all the men headed to bed at 7:30 PM, as visions of THEIR HAPPY HOME danced in their heads.

In all seriousness...a lot of people drove (and flew!) a long way to spend the day with Lynne and Matt. It meant more than those people probably realize. Spending a day with good friends is the perfect reminder of how lucky they really are.

RIGHT?

Lynnfidential: a brief history of the bride-to-be

Lynne Seago hates surprises. Consider, for instance, that she wanted to be interviewed for this little biography. Allegedly, this was so she could see what Matt is like when he’s working as a reporter. The truth? She was trying to figure out what Matt was going to write. She can’t wait - she needs to know Right! Now!

Don’t bother watching a movie you’ve already seen when she’s around. She'll only wants you to tell her how it ends Right! Now!
When she was a little girl - around third grade - her mom hid Easter baskets. For many kids this would be a quest. For Lynne it was simply an annoyance. She wanted the basket Right! Now! It should be noted that the basket was “hidden” on the back of the couch, covered by a blanket. It looked liked a Volkswagen hiding under a Post-It Note.
No matter. Lynne literally put her foot down until Mom had to get the basket herself.
With that in mind, let’s get to Lynne’s mini-memoir Right! Now!

Our lady hero, Lynne Elizabeth Seago, was born as a baby on Sept. 27, 1979, in Wheeling, West Virginia. (Motto: “Our state looks like an electrical plug.”)
She was an average baby: two arms, two legs, one head. And all in the right order. As an infant, people immediately noticed her red hair, just like her mom’s and her granddad’s. She was - and continues to be - a genuine cutie.



From left to right, Lynne Seago at 16 weeks, six months, one year and 18 months. Except for a brief period in the late 1980s Lynne Seago has remained extremely cute to this very day.

Lynne was a happy child who learned her multiplication tables when she was just 15 months old. Imagine that! Unfortunately, she forgot them and had to start over when she got to junior high.
Lynne is the first child of Barry and Sue Seago - two West Virginia natives. The family of three lived on the Ohio River. However, even as she took her first steps in the world, little did Lynne know that she would not be alone for long.

And by not alone, we mean that Leslie Seago was born in March of 1982 and Laura Seago was born December 1985. Lynne was a big sister, a role she fit into nicely and has always been very proud of.

(On the left, the Seago family in 1986. On the right, the Seagos in 1992, when Lynne had moved into better hair days, and pockets apparently.)

Although the girls were young when the family moved away from West Virginia some parts of the state never left them. Mainly, the dialect. Below follows a very quick guide to translating Lynnese:
- “Red up” = To clean or “ready” up the house just before the company comes over.
- “Gettie guys” = There is really no literal translation for this phrase. Gettie guys are anything that might attack you. Gettie guys are bugs that get in your sleeping bag. Gettie guys are whatever makes your breath smell like cabbage when you wake up in the morning. For your purposes, just know that gettie guys are bad.
- “Motee” = Remote control for TV.

- "Catch a bounce" = At the end of the day when you're wearing out, you need to catch a bounce to keep going.

After two years in Connecticut, the Seagos moved to the Cleveland area. But, as they soaked up the atmosphere of the Mistake by the Lake, little did Lynne know that looming in her future was a city that can only be described as existing in two counties, with the fourth largest population in Illinois and an elevation 751 feet above sea level.

The Seagos were about to become Napervillians. It's like Lilliputians, only bigger.

To make a long story only slight shorter, in 1989, the family moved to Naperville, Illinois, the home of more than few TGIFriday’s. Lynne enrolled at Naperville Central High School, excelled, and then headed to Illinois Wesleyan University (Motto: “No, it's not cool to call us Illinois Wes!”) in Bloomington, Ill., where she majored in English literature and history. She was also a member of Kappa Delta sorority.
After college, her first two years of teaching were spent at Leyden High School in North Lake, Illinois. Lynne taught there for two years before deciding to head back to graduate school in Chicago.
At that point, Lynne moved to Wrigleyville, got a job at Caribou Coffee and earned her master’s degree in political science.
Little did she know, that a man with uneven facial hair was waiting around the corner.
Of course when we say a man was waiting around the corner, when mean the metaphorical corner. And the man is Matt.

Yes, in July of 2004, she met Matt Hanley on a canoe trip with friends. Since, then life has been a series of never-ending wonderfuls. That’s right, things are so good that she had to noun an adjective. Each day has been a cascading waterfall of excellents followed by a slow drip of amazings. It’s that powerful.
While Lynne went through life with a smile on her face, little did she know, that an ancient building from her past was about to re-enter her life.

And by that, of course, we mean she got a job at her alma mater Naperville Central High School, in the history department. Lynne is a very good and dedicated teacher, who is always using Tootsie Rolls, Monopoly boards and Styrofoam balls that teach you about the seasons.
And, if you made it this far, you’re caught up to about five minutes ago.

But, is that it? Is that what makes Lynne Seago, Lynne Seago? A collection of address and dates, a few diplomas and some points on a resume?
That’s the broad outline, but the fun of Lynne is in the details. Like the fact that she can’t stay up past 9 p.m.
Or that she has an infectious smile.
Or that her celebrity crush is White Sox third baseman Joe Crede, even though she’ll never admit it.
Or that Lynne loves flowers, her dog Jack, crossword puzzles, carving pumpkins and scoring baseball games.

Or that Lynne was a Girl Scout, and earned the top rank.
Or, did you know that Lynne is an excellent cook?
Or that Lynne would rather watch the commercials than the TV show?
Or that Lynne has been to at least 16 countries (U.S., England, Ireland, Scotland, France, Germany, Belgium, Switzerland, Austria, Italy, Greece, Turkey, Czech Republic, Hungary, Romania and Mexico)?
Or that she thinks President Martin Van Buren looks like a monkey?

If you ever met her, you probably do know that Lynne is supportive, happy, brilliant, enthusiastic and creative.

Really, that’s only a little about Lynne. If we told you everything, there’d be no reason to see her in person, right? And trust us, she’s even more fun in person.
But if you feel like you didn’t get enough, then surprise her by mentioning your own favorite Lynne story, using the 'comment' link below.
You know how much she likes surprises, so do it Right! Now!