Rock and Roll, Part 3

Though they sometimes wonder, Lynne and Matt know there are blog readers out there. Because every once in a while someone will suddenly, for no apparent reason, ask about the Fridge (still big) or Amish Dog (still crazy).
It's great that you're reading. But frankly, it's time to take it up a notch.
That's because Lynne and Matt recently took care of another component for a fantastic wedding: The Music. The Future Couple entered into a contract with Sounds Abound, a cool little music company in Naperville.
Mark the DJ (no commas - that's his name) is a great guy and seems like he'll be the right amount of fun. (We don't want a wedding singer incident, after all.) Special thanks to Mr. Seago for finding him.
Now, Lynne and Matt have to work on picking some songs that definitely, without-a-doubt, gotta-have-it, for sure, absolutely must be played on The Big Day. (And, on the other side, the music that should be avoided, skipped, dodged, passed by and run away from no matter what.)
So, Mark the DJ offered up a list of the 50 most requested wedding songs. Take a gander below, and let Lynne and Matt know what you want (or don't) at the reception. Just leave some requests (or refusals) by clicking the comment button - the spot where it usually says "0 comments" - below this post. You can even be anonymous if you're too embarrassed to request James Brown is Dead. That's cool.
As a special incentive Lynne and Matt have posted their first ever video at the bottom of this blog. So read on, vote, then enjoy some Happy Feet!

The 50 most requested wedding songs:
Electric Boogie ... Marcia Griffiths (Boogie. Oogie. Oogie.)
Old Time Rock and Roll ... Bob Seger
You Shook Me All Night Long ... AC/DC
Shout ... Otis Day
Love Shack ... B-52s
Celebration ... Kool & The Gang (listed as Kook & The Gang, but you know what they mean)
Twist ... Chubby Checker
Mony Mony ... Billy Idol
YMCA ... Village People
Brown Eyed Girl ... Van Morrison
Unchained Melody ... Righteous Brothers (You've lost that loving feeling...)
Chicken Dance ... Emeralds (Didn't know someone actually wrote that song)
We Are Family ... Sister Sledge (In honor of Manny Sanguillen)
Respect ... Aretha Franklin
In The Mood ... Glen Miller
Twist and Shout ... The Beatles
Brick House ... Commodores
Unforgettable ... Natalie and Nat King Cole
Friends in Low Places ... Garth Brooks
Wonderful Tonight ... Eric Clapton (Matt's prom theme - yikes!)
Can't Help Falling in Love ... Elvis Presley
Cha Cha Slide ... Mr. C-Casper (C-Casper: remember him?)
Jailhouse Rock ... Elvis Presley (A very romantic song)
What a Wonderful World ... Louis Armstrong
Push It ... Salt-N-Pepa (Tasteful)
Boot Scootin' Boogie ... Brooks & Dunn
Conga ... Gloria Estefan
Stayin' Alive ... Bee Gees
Pretty Woman ... Roy Orbison
I Will Survive ... Gloria Gaynor
Swing the Mood ... Jive Bunny (Whaaa?)
Super Freak ... Rick James (Also very romantic)
Great Balls of Fire ... Jerry Lee Lewis
My Girl ... Tempations
Crazy ... Patsy Cline
New York, New York ... Frank Sinatra
What I Like About you ... Romantics
Ice Ice Baby ... Vanilla Ice (dun-dun-dun-de DUN-duh)
Play That Funky Music ... Wild Cherry
Mustang Sally ... Wilson Pickett/Commitments (the late, great Wilson Pickett)
Bust A Move ... Young MC
1999 ... Prince
Rock Around the Clock ... Bill Haley & the Comets
Wild Thing ... Tone Loc
Get Down Tonight .... KC & the Sunshine Band
December '63 (Oh What A Night) ... Four Seasons
The Wanderer ... Dion
Takin' Care of Business ... Bachman Turner Overdrive (The new ubiquitous political theme song)
Dancing Queen ... ABBA
Footloose ... Kenny Loggins

Kind of an odd list, don't you think? There's no slow songs, no Neil Diamond, no Harry Connick Jr., no Day The Music Died (drinking beer with my...), no Michael Jackson and no polka? Well, that's exactly why Lynne and Matt need you!
And if you pick the right songs, you can expect plenty of this....

Oscar the Grouch also overlooked

It should be noted, if it hasn't already, that Matt is a huge movie nerd.
Consequently, he can't help but make a few comments on the Oscars. Matt had to watch them on tape this year, because he was working Sunday night. But that's just as fun because you can rewind and watch the losers reactions to see who was really annoyed. (We're looking at you, Hal Holbrook.)
Matt saw all five nominated films again this year and enjoyed them all. Not a dud in the bunch, even if Matt's favorite film did get left off the list.
The host, Jon Stewart, had some good lines and it was great when he brought Marketa Iglova back on stage to finish her speech. Once was the little movie that could. Lynne and Matt loved it and proudly own the soundtrack.
Here's who Matt would have voted for in the Big Six categories. (If you care).
Best Picture: Into the Wild. So what if it wasn't nominated? But No Country For Old Men - the real winner - was the best of the nominated films, no doubt.
Best Director: The Coens were great, but Paul Thomas Anderson did it all. Everything about There Will Be Blood was fantastic.
Best Actor: Yeah, Daniel Day Lewis. His milkshake runneth over. Viggo Mortensen was awesome, too.
Best Actress: Ellen Page really made Juno work. But truth be told, Matt didn't see Marion Cotillard - the winner - in La Mome. But he plans to.
Best Supporting Actor: So many great performances and more fantastic work left off the nomination list (Paul Dano). Still, there's no doubt the winner, Javier Bardem, deserved it - just for giving Matt a lifetime of nightmares. Matt wouldn't have been bummed if Hal Holbrook was picked. I mean, he deserves something for keeping Bob Woodward's secret for so long, right?
Best Documentary: What? Skipped Best Supporting Actress? Well, Matt only saw two of the performances - winner Tilda Swindon was great - but how can he vote when he never saw the others? So for best documentary... Matt'll go with ....No End In Sight. Barely, over the unnominated King of Kong. King is a great, great movie, but No End is more important, if that makes sense.

At his real-life job, Matt wrote his Top Ten list, which can be found here.
Matt and his buddy also write an annual overlooked nominee list. This year they even had the guts to kick off "unworthy films." (Move over, Rog!) That drivel can be found here.
So, now all Matt really wants to know is: In There Will Be Blood, were there really two brothers? Well, that, and how come McLovin' wasn't nominated?

Didn't the Expos fold when Andre Dawson left?

Did you know there's something called a "Bridal Expo"?
Did you further know that at these "Bridal Expos" people are merely considered vessels that carry around the wallets?
Did you know about this?
Matt did not know.
But this past weekend Matt, Lynne and The Moms headed off to the Wyndham Hotel in Naperville, Ill., for the Bridal Expo. Let's start right there, with the name: Bridal Expo is sort of a misnomer. There was actually stuff there for the guys: tuxedos, cupcakes, Men's rooms.
There was also 450 booths for hair decorations, 95 flower booths, 120 booths for jewelry, 637 booths for photography, and a harp booth. Oh wait, and a cake shaped like a large-mouth bass. (No joke!)
Also, inexplicably, there was a chiropractic booth and a laser hair removal booth. What kind of wedding is that?
The first part of the Bridal Expo was a huge cattle herd, with vendors desperately trying to snag anyone they could, and brides just as desperately trying not to sign up for anything.
"Excuse-me-have-you-thought-aboutyourDJserviceyet..." the vendors shouted as the brides-to-be zoomed by, grabbing free pens but avoiding eye contact.
Meanwhile, Matt was registering for every raffle and trying to ask as many random questions as possible.
"Will your DJ play the translated Numa Numa song?"
"Are these mattress made with free-range goose feathers?"
"What's the maximum amount of tuxedos I can order?"

"Do you make dresses for seven-foot bridesmaids?"
Then after everyone got through the wedding booth maze, there was a fashion show of dresses that ranged from odd and scary to nice and classy.
Leading the show was this lady - pictured at left - who said "fabulous" or "of course" every 5 seconds. At first it was weird but, of course, it quickly got fabulous!
The Fabulous-O-Meter ended at 16 and the Of-Course-O-Meter ended at 50 billion.
It turns out - here's a free tip for those of you who are pre-engaged - that a Bridal Expo is something to go to soon after the engagement. (With no previous engagement experience, Matt and Lynne had no idea - they thought the Bridal Expo was where Andres Galarraga bought a dress.) So, Lynne and Matt had already taken care of some things available at the Expo.
But Matt did get a couple tuxedo referrals, one of those little tasks still hanging out there. And it was fun to spend the day with The Moms, getting ideas for things that we think we can make cheaper and better ourselves.
Overall, it was a suprisingly fun day, even if it has led to Matt recieving SIX flyers and EIGHT emails, just three days after the Expo. But the highlight of the day had to be when Lynne and Matt found their ride to the wedding:

Nice ride, huh? And here's the inside:
Suh-weet. There's room for eight to 10 more people, depending on how much you eat, so start kissing up and maybe we'll bring you along.

Five little monkies jumping on the bed

It's the final countdown. Dun-dun-duh. Dun-de-duh-duh. The final countdown.

Hmmm, that song isn't very good.

Well, just five months until The Big Day. Not to sound like a broken record, but do you have a room reservation yet?

So, what's ahead for Lynne and Matt? They've picked a day. They found a church and a reception hall. They even registered for a garbage can.

It's almost done, right?

Except...they still don't have a DJ, or rings, or a marriage license, or a tuxedo. And they haven't looked at health insurance or figured out how they'll move (or when) or booked a honeymoon flight or found the right table favors or addressed any invitations....

But it'll all come together, right?

Right?

Buehler?

Beuhler?

Dun-dun-duh. Dun-de-duh-duh....

The Giants - yes, the Giants - win The Big Game!

Matt and Mark are undecided if the glare off the trophy or Terry Bradshaw's head is more blinding.

This the real, honest truth. Matt predicted the Giants would win the Super Bowl.
Not only that, but Matt had the Giants by three (28-25).
And guess what? The Giants won the Super Bowl. By three. (Admittedly, it was 17-14.)
Does that make Matt a great prognosticator? A Nostradamus?
Hardly. Matt always, always picks the team he's rooting for to win. (See Illini, Rose Bowl.) Matt's all heart, no brains. He picks the Mets to win the Series, Illini to win March Madness and Charlie Brown to kick the ball, every time. It's the same reason Matt's voted for Ralph Nader in the last two elections, despite pretty good reasons not to.
No matter what the odds, Matt can't help it. There's always a way to win. Even if you're facing the 18 3/4 - 0 New England Patriots.
The game was outstanding, like a great pitcher's duel. Matt's a Giants fan, although to be fair, he likes college football a lot more than the pros. Still, when Eli Manning dodged, ducked, dipped, dropped then heaved...and some guy named David Tyree caught the ball with his head....
Matt and his dad, Mark Hanley, were hopping up and down, whooping and yelping. They almost punched four holes in the ceiling. Luckily, they're too old to jump high enough.
What a great game and Matt had a blast watching it with his Dad, who's a longtime Giants fan. Mark even picked up the official NY Giants Super Bowl T-shirts during a layover in Pheonix this week, so they watched the game in style. (They also ate enough snack food for six people - thanks Mom!)
Twenty four hours later, it's still unbelievable. And the Mets got Johann Santana in the same week.
Oh, what the heck, Ralph. Go ahead. David Tyree can be your running mate. You'll have Matt's vote! (Again. Sigh.)

All your love are registered to us

It hardly seems like it's been more than four months since Matt got down on one knee, looked Lynne in the eye and asked her:

"Would you like to be my co-registrant?"

Ah, time flies when you're in love.
This weekend, that dream came true when Lynne and Matt became co-registrants at two local retailers. It's not quite as binding as a marriage license, but it's a step in that direction.

You can find Matt and Lynne's registries by clicking either of the following links:

They are registered at Bed Bath and Beyond.

They are also registered at Target.

This is what can be said about the registration process. It is quite possibly the most fun that Matt has ever had in his life.

While some brides dream about their wedding registries, in this case signing up for gifts fulfilled one of Matt's greatest dreams: using a scanner gun.

Matt was able to walk up to anything in the store - anything - and zap it. For years, he has seen clerks in grocery stores taking for granted the joy that comes with scanning items.

Knowing this might someday be possible, Matt let the dream build. It did not disappoint.

Matt scanned left, he scanned right. He scanned from far away, he scanned up close. He scanned over his shoulder, under his arm. He even scanned Lynne's ear. (EAR, L SEAGO QTY: 1 RTL PRICE: $43.23 AVLBLE IN STORE)

This can also be said of the registration process: There is a whole lot of stuff out there.

So, of all the gifts in all the stores what did Lynne and Matt register for first? A garbage can.

To come to his conclusion, Matt conducted a Garbage Canlympics Heptahlon.
First, Matt took all the garbage cans down. He stepped on each lid lifter to test for responsiveness and strength. He inspected the sealing power by putting a CD player in the bottom and listening for any sound leaking out. Matt then ate an apple and tossed the core in each can, measuring the can's amplitude and pitch.
Finally a winner emerged. Matt carried the victor through the store on his shoulders.

Safe to say, it is not just any garbage can!

No, Matt had found the Simplehuman Stainless Steel 8-gallon Trash Step Can. This can comes with a dent-proof polypropylene lid that stays open on command and a power-assist easy lift bucket with integrated handles. The can is also fingerprint proof.

Furthermore, the can uses patentented (so don't even try to copy it!) lid shox technology and promises ergonomic features.

Unbelievable.

Is there anything better than black and white handles getting along? Anything more powerful than a garbage can that obeys orders?

The only worry Matt has is that if the garbage can is stolen - and who wouldn't try to swipe a polypropylene can? - police will not be able to dust for prints. Matt may have to consider an alarm system.

While Matt conducted the Canlympics, Lynne moved on to other, boring, non-garbage can things like cookware, bed sheets and beyond. And Matt went on scanning anything he was told to. That's important to note. Matt simply scanned the items Lynne determined they would need for their home.

So outside of the garbage can, everything on the lists, was her choice.

Who let this dog in? Who? Who? Who?

It's well past time to introduce everyone to the other member of Lynne and Matt's relationship.

As mentioned earlier, one day at work Matt got two calls and a text message in less than an hour. It was Lynne. She was on her way back from a weekend in Indiana with her parents.

"Uhhh, newsroom, this is Matt."

"Guess what I got?"

Matt's mind raced with the possibilities. A rash? A haircut? A sunburn? A non-tendered offer from the Indianapolis Colts? And Matt remembers very specifically thinking: "Oh no, what if she got a new piece of furniture. That will be really annoying. I really don't want to deal with helping her move that. It's probably huge."

"I got a puppy. I bought him from some Amish people on the side of the road."

Hmm. A puppy. Much worse than an ottoman. An Amish dog. Hmmm.

You see, Matt's family never had a dog growing up. The closest they got was a turtle, who Matt never even named before he died.

It's not that Matt hates animals or pets. He just doesn't want to be around them. A turtle is good because you can ignore it for hours and that's how they prefer it. (For the same reason, a cactus is even better.)

A dog? That was the worst. A dog is like having a kid that never gets smart, never learns to use a toilet, never goes off to college, never writes a tell-all book about how great his parents are.

Back at the phone call, Lynne continued.

"What do you think we should name him?"

"Uh, how about Snoopy?" (Best dog ever, according to Matt.)

Ah, but that was a trick. Lynne was hoping Matt would pick the name already bestowed upon The Amish Dog. The puppy was already named Jack, because he has a black patch over his eye like Captain Jack Sparrow.

Matt did not guess Jack.

Matt was having doubts about this dog.

Now, to be fair - and before Lynne re-edits this post - Lynne and Matt had discussed the possibility of getting a dog before she showed up with Amish Pup. Lynne's family always had dogs around. Alex, Cole, Charlie - they were like bonus Seago family members. So, Lynne really, really wanted her own dog.

And while Matt went along and said, "Of course you can get a dog if you really, really want it," for the most part he considered that conversation hypothetical. Like time travel.
But, as they say, the future was now.

So Jack, the Amish Dog, came home. As you can see below, he's a cutie. Don't be fooled.

Immediately, Jack began to bark at, and bite on, Matt. As soon as Matt'd walk in the door, Jack would make an Amish beeline for Matt's leg. With everyone else it was: "Hey, look at me, I'm the happiest dog! Aren't I great? Let's play and be best friends forever!"

But there was no love for Matt.

(Matt's cousin, Jake, had a simply theory: "He knows you've got his woman.")

No matter what Matt brought - toys, treats, food - Jack would bite him right on the shin. Matt was really starting to hate that dog.

Don't fret, Lynne said, it's a phase. Besides, Matt was imagining it worse than it really was. All Amish dogs go through it, Lynne assured him. Ha.

Whatever Jack's motivation, Matt pointed out that if he behaved the same way - peeing on the floor, eating a Wade Boggs card, barking for hours at nothing - he would be kicked out of the house. Or at least left in the backyard for a while.

No matter. The dog was staying.

So, Matt tried to befriend his new buddy. Matt taught Jack to fetch. Jack taught Matt to stand on his back legs. Matt - like an idiot - even talked to the dog. And bought him a Christmas present.

But Jack went on with his leg-biting, barking-during-movies, Matt-attacking Amish Dog lifestyle.

In fact, one of Jack's signature moves became climbing on top of Matt's head while he watched TV - his front legs touching Matt's right ear, the back legs touching his left. An Amish Jack hat.

Matt hated that dog.

Oh sure, you're saying: how could you hate a dog that's so cute? What's wrong with you, Matt? Don't you have a heart?

Well, Matt has a very good reason, sort of. Consider this picture of Lynne's backyard after a recent snow:

That's right. Matt had to shovel a patch of snow so Jack can pee. Shoveling grass!

How can Matt retain his Man Card when he's out shoveling patches of grass for a fluffy white dog?

OK. So, Jack's cute. And he makes Lynne happy. And he's pretty funny sometimes. And all the Amish furniture Jack built is pretty nice, especially the chest of drawers.

But Matt still hates that dog. Almost.