Oscarama

So, you're saying you want to read everything that Matt wrote about movies this year?
Well, you're in luck.
Right here, you can read his annual Overlooked for the Oscars column, written for the Beacon, written with his friend, Andre. You can also gander at yet another critique of the The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the worst movie ever made.
Right here, you can see Matt's list of 11 Great Running Movies, compiled on his running blog.
And just below these words, you can see Matt's list of the best movies of 2008. (With notations/exceptions for movies he couldn't see because Hollywood believes the best way to promote films is jam them all into the last two weeks of the year.)
And below those words, Matt listed his should win/will wins for tonight's show. Not as comprehensive or accurate as Tripp's list, but with twice the vowels!

Matt's Top movies of 2008

10. The Band’s Visit
I could have put Dark Knight here. But you’ve all seen Dark Knight, right? It’s good. Now go see The Band’s Visit on a night when you’re feeling thoughtful. It’s the story of a small Egyptian band that gets stranded in Israel .
9. Ghost Town
Another great little comedy that came and went, poof. Ricky Gervais is the key to the film – the cynic who changes without abandoning himself. Great writing. A movie that made me laugh. That's nice.
8. W.
This movie sort of faded away, didn’t it? I enjoyed this look at the 43rd President and I actually felt I understood him better. Josh Brolin should have been nominated for this movie, not Milk.
7. Iron Man
This was a good, old-fashioned enjoyable action movie with Robert Downey Jr., as the perfect superhero - a guy who thinks it's awesome that he has superpowers, a man of ego rather than humilty. I had no idea I would like this that much. I am actually looking forward to the sequel. Downey Jr was really good in Tropic Thunder, but should have been nominated for this movie.
6. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
This was a year for great comedies and none were better than this early year tribute to love. And when they finally make the movie version of Dracula’s Lament, that will probably make my Top 10, too.
5. The Visitor
This is a fantastic movie with spot-on direction and great acting all around. I was totally engrossed and for the most part never knew where the film was heading, but never felt cheated when it got there.
4. Milk
Years ago, I had seen a documentary on Harvey Milk and yet there were times when I forgot I was watching Sean Penn acting as Harvey Milk. A very powerful film with the best acting of the year. The speech Milk/Penn makes in Washington is fantastic.
3. Wall E
Another brilliant movie, visually and emotionally from the Pixar folks. Can we finally get these movies out of best animated film and into Best Picture?
2. Slumdog Millionaire
I don’t think many of the movies I saw this year will have much lasting power. The Top 10 is weaker than year’s past. Maybe it was the writer’s strike. But, I won’t forget this movie’s compelling storytelling. Jon Stewart was right: most depressing feel good movie of the year.
1. Standard Operating Procedure
Along with last year’s Taxi to the Dark Side, these two movies best explain why the United States policies in Iraq have not worked as well as we originally hoped. Somehow, director Errol Morris got interviews with Lynndie England the other members of the Abu Grahib scandal. And you know what? They had some smart, powerful things to say. A must see.

The Elevens: Baby Mama, Tropic Thunder, Man on Wire, Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired, Rachel Getting Married
Worthy movies I haven’t seen: The Reader; Gran Torino; Doubt; Trouble the Water; Pineapple Express; Frozen River; Synechdoche , New York

Should win/Will win

Best Picture
Should win: Standard Operation Procedure. Of the five nominees, Slumdog
Will win: Slumdog

Best Actor
Should win: Sean Penn, though Richard Jenkins was great, too
Will win: Mickey Rourke

Best Actress

Should win: Sally Hawkins for Happy Go Lucky. Since she's not nominated, Anne Hathaway was awesome
Will win: Kate Winslet because she's going to win eventually (admittedly, Matt hasn't seen Doubt or Frozen River or The Reader)

Supporting Actor
Should win: Heath Ledger
Will win: Heath Ledger (Yeah, he was awesome.)

Supporting Actress
Should win: Amy Adams, because even though Matt hasn't seen the movie, she's awesome
Will win: Penelope Cruz (Matt thought Cruz was good, but in fairness he hasn't seen the other contenders. Plus, Tripp says she'll win.)

Supporting Supporting Actor in a Johnny Depp Film That Has Not Yet Come Out
Should win: Matt
Will win: Christian Bale

Honeymoon Adventures VII: Return to Monkey Island!

The Lynne and Matt Honeymoon Adventure was filled with many amazing and wonderful places. Lynne and Matt each had their favorites.
Day Seven of the honeymoon (July 22) was Matt's No. 1, probably of all time.
The day began at 7:30 a.m. with a trip to Monkey Island!! Do you think that font was overdone? It wasn't.
When Matt was a kid, Boys' Life Magazine (the magazine for Boy Scouts) ran a list of different pets that people might have, and the positives and negatives of each animal. There was fish and turtles and hamsters. And a monkey. A monkey!
It had never in crossed Young Matt's mind that a monkey could be a pet. It was perhaps the greatest thing that Young Matt had ever heard, despite the fact that the article mentioned one "negatives" of owning a monkey is that it might be illegal. All Young Matt heard was 'might be.' A Monkey as a pet? Imagine the tricks you could teach a monkey. With training the monkey could learn to ride a bike, speak sign language, maybe even do math homework.
Skipping ahead 20 years and one marriage, Lynne, Matt and the tour group took a short boat trip out to a long, private island in the middle of the Amazon. The island is owned and funded by private donations (no government help!) as a sanctuary for monkeys, which were being over-hunted as food. So, these rescue workers set up Monkey Island!!
As the boat pulled up, Raul the Tour Guide warned everyone not to leave their bags on the boat, which was odd because he had given the exact opposite advice at nearly every other stop. Well, as soon as the boat docked, three monkeys walked down to the boat and climbed on. One big, lazy-looking orange howler monkey laid right on some guy's shoulders!
It was perhaps the greatest thing that Matt had ever seen.
Everyone walked up to a clearing on the island where monkeys everywhere! One grabbed onto Lynne's backpack with his tail and was hanging there. Another one grabbed a guy's hat and tried to run away with it. There were tiny monkeys and red monkeys, screeching monkeys and honking monkeys, lazy monkeys and hyper monkeys. They were all incredibly friendly.
Apparently, they stay in the small, public area of the island until they get a few months old. Then they retreat into the jungle and most are never seen again. But the monkey population is growing, so that's good.



Everyone in the group got to feed the monkeys bananas and Lynne swung one guy named Luis around with a stick. (check out the video!)



Matt fed a monkey and enjoyed but...he was getting a bit jealous. Young Matt couldn't help but show up. He wanted a monkey to sit on his shoulders. But Matt had no idea how to lure a monkey off the other guests shoulders without appearing...obvious...or desperate. Wah.
One of the monkeys was sitting on this girls' shoulders hooting and honking (check out the video). Matt tried to convince the girl that was the sound howler monkeys made right before they went to the bathroom. Alas, she didn't buy it.
But then...the monkey did climb on Matt's shoulders. And you know what? It was better than a
dog, that's for sure. And Matt sort of looked like the monkey, too.
After about the greatest hour ever, the group got back on the boat, for a ride back to the buses and out of Iquitos.
Only one person was left behind: Young Matt was never seen again. He went into the jungle and believed to be living as the treasurer for a small band of spider monkeys.
On the boat ride back to the buses, Matt couldn't help but think that Monkey Island was a cool name for one of those old, 1940s movies. Matt tried to think of the perfect name. Return to Monkey Island? Escape from Monkey Island? The Curse of Monkey Island?
That's when Matt realized what the perfect name was: Honeymoon on Monkey Island. Spooky.
After the monkey island the time in Iquitos was over, sadly. It was time to head to get on a plane headed for Lima. We missed a train, but managed to travel by air, sea and land in one day, which is pretty cool.
The flight was uneventful other than a man threw his crackers and swore at a stewardess, while announcing that was the worst food he had ever tasted. So, that was pretty cool. It felt like being present for a historical moment, or something.
That night we wandered over to Bembos, the Peruvian equivalent of McDonalds. While Matt was eating some fries, a little boy, maybe 5 years old, wandered in selling gum. He was all alone, wandering the streets of one of the largest cities in the world. It was startling.
After that, we sent a few emails, watched some BBC-CNN (Obama was traveling through Europe and people seemed to like him), then watched a little Alf in Spanish. Someone actually had to sit and translate all of Alf into Spanish, then find "actors" to dub the show. That was also startling, in a completely different way.

Day Seven Summary: One life fulfilling trip to Monkey Island!; one perfect name for a future horror movie starring Matthew McConnaughay and Catherine Zeta-Jones; two boat rides; one plane ride, including the worst crackers ever; one bus ride; one-tenth of an episode of Alf, creating a full on episode of embarrassment about American culture.

Mustache: Noticeable. The mustache was really coming full strength now. It wasn't at Mark Hanley levels or anything, but a monkey was able to swing from it.

Weird foods eaten: We ate the fries with mayo at Bembos. And we had those airlines crackers - they're weren't so bad, actually.

Coming next: A humbling learning experience.

Matt's resolutions

It's very important for a man to make resolutions. Resolutions can help a man focus his mind and his inner spirit that drives him to excel. The promises to himself give a man definable goals by which he can measure his strengths and weaknesses as well as match himself against other men.
That being said, here are Matt's 2009 resolutions:

Shoot no more than two elk
Elk have long been a nuisance in the Northern hemisphere. However, over-hunting of this majestic beast has put it on the endangered species list. Therefor, Matt resolves to shoot no more than two elk. Possibly fewer than two.

Work it
Matt has been blessed with talents such as long toes, good gardening skills and above average grooming. However, these are not gifts if they are not opened. Therefor, Matt resolves to work it.

Drive more than 450 miles in a car
Mankind's technological advancements have given humans great freedom. But the flip side of this blessing is that people can become sentient, lazy. Some have been known to stay at home for hours, or even months. Therefor, Matt resolves to travel at least 450 miles this year in his car, in an effort to broaden his personal horizons and see what the world has to offer.

Consistent blinking
Blinking is one of man's most important inventions. Did you know that eyelids are simply folds of skin, controlled by muscles that can contract so rapidly that blinking does not impair our vision?
Blinking irrigates - not irritates - the eye. The eyelid pulls moisture over the eyeball, keeping our eyeballs from drying up and falling out.
Blinking also shields our eyes. Our eyelashes serve as dust-catchers. They can also catch dirt, mosquitoes and small grapes. This keeps us from going blind or developing grape-eye.
Blinking, as you can see, is a very healthy activity. Therefor, Matt resolves to blink in every month this year.

Less troll harassment
They're there. They have those annoying beards and stupid hats. They want you to travel with them someplace and they promise to pick up your bags. All of this makes you want to kick the troll. But the trolls have feelings. And the trolls have bones, which can break. Therefor, Matt resolves to reduce his troll kicking by 45 percent this year.

Have the Mets not blow it right at the end of the season
The last two seasons have seen the Mets collapse in awful, historic and humiliating ways. The Mets have taken some steps to resolving some of these problems - signing Francisco Rodriguez - but Matt notes that their starting pitching still stinks, except for Santana. However, it would be disheartening for Mets fans to watch the team once again fall on their oversized Mr. Met head. Therefor, Matt resolves for the Mets not to choke in the final weeks of the 2009 baseball season.

We'll check back in on the Matt's progress later in the year.

It's gotta be the pants!

Matt finished his run Thursday night and got home just in time to watch the Illini square off against the lowly, pitiful, pathetic, no-good, very-bad, never-even-MADE-the-NCAA-tournament Northwestern Mildcats.
For the first 20 minutes, Matt was paying some bills, only halfway paying attention to the game. Illinois was down. Yawn. Seen it before. Only a matter of time.
Only...
They kept losing. And losing. And so Matt took drastic steps. He went upstairs and got out the Illini pants. They were a Christmas gift, but they are not to be used lightly. Only when a win is really needed. The pants are undefeated.
The Illini fell behind by 12.
But the Illini pressed, and Demetri McCamey tossed up a floater...and the Illini win!
Nice to win a game when you're only ahead for 2-1/2 seconds.
The pants remain unbeaten. It's gotta be the pants!

(Luckily, the pants will not be necessary when the Illini face the terrible, no-good, very-bad Loosiers this weekend.)

The Curious Case of More Hanley

You know what the Web needs? More Matt.
Really, is he writing enough ridiculous things on the American Internet?
Apparently not.
So, in that spirit, Matt decided to write a critque of the cinematic sensation, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which Josh Larsen (a film critic who works in the same company at Matt) was kind enough to post on his site.
So, if you're interested in Matt's "review" of TCCoBB, then you can go here to read it. But, be warned:
- If you liked TCCoBB, you may not want to read the review. Matt didn't like it. At all.
- If you haven't seen TCCoBB, then you may not want to read Matt's review because it contains several "spoilers," though Matt would argue it's questionable whether there any suprises in that "movie."
- If you like brevity, you may not want to read Matt's review.

Finally, if you only have a few bucks to spend at the movies, go see Slumdog Millionaire (or at least rent Ghost Town). Slumdog is a fantastic, fun, brilliant, joyous film. And, like TCCoBB, you will want time to go backwards so you can watch it again, or something.
Anyhow, you won't regret it.

Love and baseball

So, Lynne and Matt have been married for six wonderful months. Bet you were expecting a post about love and wonderfulness.
Would you settle for a rant about baseball with the promise to finish the honeymoon adventures soon? Deal.

So, Monday afternoon, the Baseball Writers Association of America will announce who has been elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Let's get this out of the way right off the bat (ha ha): Matt has no problem with the way the voting is done. Yes, the writers should vote. Yes, players who get less than 5 percent should be off the ballot. Yes, it's fine to create "sub-class" of First Ballot Hall of Famers.
No, no, no, a thousand times no, more people shouldn't be let in. Matt thinks less should. A few years back, Matt and his dad traveled the Baseball Hall of Fame. It was fantastic. But when you walk into the room with the plaques, well, it's very small. Tiny. And to Matt, it seemed...right. The Hall is for the best of the best. Not the pretty good. Not the above average. No, it is for the most outstanding players to ever step foot on a baseball field. The Greats.

Matt knows that football writers do the voting a bit differently and that's fine. Matt just loves the debate that swirls around baseball and the elite nature of The Hall. Very good players are not in the Hall of Fame - former MVPs (even two-time MVPs), home run champs, World Series heroes. Fine.
So, here's how Matt would vote for...wait.
Matt should really give some general parameters for what he thinks a Hall of Famer is.

First, the Hall of Famer should have a decade of excellence, where they are among the best players at their position.
Second, they should have some semblance of an all-around game. Excelling in one aspect of the game is not to be ignored, but more well-rounded players will do better.
Third, MVP awards, Cy Youngs, all-star selections count. They are a measure of how dominant the player was in his era. In his era is an important thing, too. Not every era may have a Hall of Fame catcher, for instance. Sometimes two or three might be playing. But the key is that players should be compared against others in their position and others in the league as a whole when they played.
Fourth, there are no "magic numbers." So, cough, Rafael Palmeiro, cough, Craig Biggio, just because you limped along to 500 homers or 3,000 hits, that's not a free pass.
Fifth, bonus points for excellence in the post season.
Sixth, and most suspicious: the player should have been magical. Someone who, if you were walking by the TV, you stopped just to see them hit/pitch. A player who you sat in car for a few extra minutes, just so you could hear what they'd do. Granted, that's not exactly a measurable quality and it varies greatly from viewer to viewer, but there's something there. Rafael Palmeiro didn't have it. Willie Mays did. Don Sutton didn't have it. Sammy Sosa did.

OK, so, now the candidates:

The No Ways
Jay Bell, Dave Cone, Ron Gant, Jesse Orosco, Dave Parker, Dan Plesac, Greg Vaughn, Mo Vaughn, Matt Williams.
Matt is a bit surprised that any of these players were in the league long enough (10 years) to qualify for the ballot. Cone and Williams were the best of this bunch, but no thanks. (And Matt can never forgive Mo Vaughn for stealing the Mets money.)

The They Were Pretty Good But Not Hall of Famers
Harold Baines - Harold Baines is in the nice guy Hall of Fame, the designated hitter Hall of Fame, and the Mutes Hall of Fame. He was a very good hitter who hit well in the post season. Was he dominant? No. He finished in the top 10 in MVP voting once. He did end his career with 2,800+ hits. If he had limped his way to 3,000 is he really a different player? Some voters would say yes. Matt says no.

Mark Grace - One of Matt's favorite players and another great guy. Most hits in the 1990s. Did you know that? Everyone likes to bring it up as often as possible. He was a good hitter and a great fielder. Very good post season hitter. He finished at .303 lifetime, but...never in the top 10 in MVP balloting, never won a batting title. He may become a Hall of Fame broadcaster, however.

Tommy John - 288 wins with a .555 winning percentage look pretty good for Surgery Man. 26th on career wins, 26th on shutouts and 48th in strikeouts. Because he pitched pretty well for a long, long time. Never really dominant. Four times in top 10 for Cy Young - no wins. Close, but no.

Don Mattingly - Don Mattingly had the homers, the batting titles, the MVP awards and the mustache for the Hall of Fame. But, sadly, it all fell apart too quickly. For five years he was great. Then, he couldn't stay on the field. Retired at 34. These are the guys you feel sorry for when you see all the 'roided up players.

Tim Raines - A great base stealer. A one-time batting champ. Top 10 in MVP voting thrice. Fifth all time in stolen bases - a few ahead of Vince Coleman, who will get zero votes for The Hall. A good player, but are you really going to put his plaque next to Lou Brock or Willie Mays? Please. If Maury Wills isn't in, Tim Raines shouldn't be.

Lee Smith - Here's what there is to say about Lee Smith: His save totals are spectacular - top three all-time - and he led the league four times. Four finishes in the top 10 in Cy Young voting. If he had pitched in New York or Boston, he'd be the conquering hero. Here's the questions about Lee Arthur. What's the big game he saved? What's his Moment? And if you were going to the ninth, up one, bases loaded, two outs - would he be the guy you'd hand the ball to? Is he in your top 10? 20? Dunno. This is a tough no, for now.

Alan Trammell -Trammell's case is mostly made up intangibles - his leadership and hustle. Still, he finished second in the MVP balloting and was a mainstay on the all-star team at shortstop. He played very well in the World Series. But he didn't do one thing really well, when compared to the rest of the league. Never led the league in a single category. Career .285 hitter. An argument can be made, but no.

The Almosts But Not Quites
These are guys Matt could still be convinced on. These are the ones he agonizes over.

Bert Blyleven - 27th all time in wins, but 10th all time in losses. Fifth all time in strikeouts, but 29th in walks. Ninth in shut outs, but 10th in earned runs allowed. Never won an MVP, never won 20 games, never won a Cy Young. Led the league in strikeouts one time. For now, no. Perhaps Matt could still be convinced.

Jack Morris - Of all the people, this is the toughest 'no' vote. He had 250 wins, three 20-win seasons and was the ace workhouse on some very, very good teams. And - most crucial - in three World Series he was 4-2 with a 2.96 ERA. His team won every one. And he threw 10 shut out innings in game seven of the 1991 World Series. He was the guy you wanted the give the ball to. Never won a Cy Young or an MVP. No...but Matt certainly can be swayed with more study.

Dale Murphy - Two MVP awards are very hard to dismiss. Throw in five gold gloves for the converted catcher. He was one of the best players at his position, but did he play long enough? 398 homers and a .265 average? Eh. Most painfully for him, very little postseason magic. By the thinnest of margins, no.

Jim Rice - Look at Jim Rice's numbers. Look at Andre Dawson's numbers. Where is the outrage that Dawson is not in the Hall, like the outrage there is for Rice? Rice was a feared slugger who won an MVP and led the league in homers three times. But he couldn't field a lick, couldn't run and didn't last very long. He gets a bump by playing for the vaunted Red Sox. He's got a good case. But for now, no.

The Yes Barelys
By the slimmest of margins

Andre Dawson - Against: .279 average. No post season numbers, essentially. For: Four 100-RBI seasons, an MVP award, eight Gold Gloves, 436 homers, 316 steals.
Matt may be a bit tainted because he watched Dawson as a kid. What Matt saw was a guy who was tough, who carried his team. He was a leader and was feared by opponents. So, yes, barely.

Mark McGwire - Surprised? Well, Matt is too. But here's the deal. Yes, Mark McGwire was using steroids. No question. But was he among the best players of his generation? When he came to the plate, did you stop what you were doing? Was it artificially enhanced? Yes, yes, yes. The problem with the steroid players is this: Who was using and who wasn't? OK, Palmeiro had a positive test. But what about Clemens? Sosa? Bonds? Bagwell? Where do you draw the line on players you know for sure weren't using. You can't. When you see the names on the Mitchell Report, there's not much rhyme or reason to who's on there. So, how do we know who's clean? All you can do is say that this is the steroid era, just as there was a dead-ball era and an era when the best black players were segregated. Then, judge the players against their peers. In that criteria, McGwire was among the best. Besides the steroids, his biggest problem is his lopsided stats. He couldn't run or hit for average. But, at this moment, a begrudging yes.

The No Doubters
Rickey Henderson - He only batted .279 lifetime. Otherwise, Rickey Henderson could do it all.
Hit. 339 in the World Series. Redefined the lead off position in baseball. 3,055 hits. Most runs scored ever. Oh yeah, and 400+ more stolen bases than second place. That would be the equivalent of Alex Rodriguez ending his career with 1,100 home runs.

This year's ballot was pretty weak, but there's some hum dingers coming up. Can't wait to vote for Ellis Burks!

Big (Screen) Arrival

Lynne and Matt Hanley

are proud to announce
the arrival

of a wonderful gift.

So precious.

So sweet.

A little bundle of joy.

Measuring 40 inches,

Weighing about 100 pounds.

Twinkling lights, so bright, so new.

We proudly announce our new TV to you!

Sony arrived shortly after Christmas.
He was welcomed home by his brother, Wii, and his sister DVD Playa.
The Hanleys expect many happy days together.
Already, the house has been filled with the joy of Catherine Zeta Jones, Tom, Steve Martin and Marlon Brando, in full, living color. (Not pictured: Jerry.)

Upon seeing the new addition, Matt was heard to utter, "This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." Matt was not slapped for this comment, but he should have been.